My Career Dreams are Officially Over!

I found out that Russel Brand and Katy Perry are engaged, and being Katy Perry's husband was my career dream! *runs and cries*

Just kidding. My real career dream, as anyone could have guessed, was to become an Australian porn star. I'm not Australian, I've never been to Australia, and their many poisonous animals scare me. But I figured that Australians would appreciate my little boobies. I mean, they're on an island in the middle of nowhere. They should be happy with whatever boobies they can get.

That was until I read this article about Australia banning small breasts from adult films and publications. They're doing it because pedophiles might find it . . . (what's an Australian word?) . . . randy. Um, I think a pedophile knows the difference between a 5-year-old and a 25-year-old with small breasts. Damn Australia, ruining my dreams.