Spanky Would Have Called It the "She-Male Palin-Hating Club"

Some pastor from Florida named Doug Giles made a video stating why it is feminists don't like Sarah Palin. It's not because she wants government to be about as big as the distance between one's ovaries and vaginal opening. And it's not because she is as dumb as a pair of dookie stained granny panties. It's because we're all a bunch of "she-males" who are jealous of her looks. In case you haven't heard that before, I've posted the video. Additionally, I will henceforth be referring to Pastor Giles as Spanky, because he is a childish little rascal. Seriously, Spanky. I'd like to welcome you to the year 2010. Feminists have been hearing this bullshit since before Sarah Palin's father shot her out of his nutsack.



And because I like correcting people so much, I'd like to let Spanky know that Sarah Palin did consider having an abortion when she was pregnant with Trig. Luckily, she lives in a country where she had the choice to have all 5 of her children, instead of being forced into motherhood by a so-called small government. Spanky chooses to believe the lie, or else she wouldn't be his proper definition of a woman. And that would make his ass hurt.

And lastly but not leastly, this video is filled with disgusting transphobic hate speech. Simple proof that trans people are always seen as a simple scapegoat for assholes. If Spanky was truly confident in his beliefs, he wouldn't be threatened by metrosexuals or Chaz Bono or trans women or anybody else who doesn't fit the strict gender binary that he worships every day. It's old fucking news, and I believe, as a wise young woman once said, has been around since way before Sarah Palin's father shot her out of his nutsack. I have a feeling this man sleeps with one eye open and both hands holding his dick for dear life. It's pitiful.

Random Thought About "Ground Zero" Mosque

I haven't updated in a while. And when I go a while without updating you should be worried, because that means I've been thinking a lot. For the past week or so, I've been thinking about the community center and Mosque being built in lower Manhattan. I've tweeted about it a lot, and if you follow my tweets, you know that I support their right to build the community center and Mosque there. I haven't even thought about "should they build there," because it doesn't make any difference to me. I think the most important thing is for the United States to uphold the Constitution and everyone's rights to freedom of religion and freedom to own property.

But a lot of people don't see it that way. Most people do support the right of the Mosque to be built, but most people don't think it should be built there. People have called the abandoned Burlington Coat Factory that was bought by Imam Rauf to build this community center "hallowed ground." I love a bargain as much as the next person, but "hallowed ground?" This building is two blocks away from Ground Zero, it's been abandoned for 8 years, and it's about time that area of the city be rebuilt to foster a feeling of community and at least try to bring it back to the bustling neighborhood it was before September 11, 2001. People like Newt Gingrich and other opposers of the Mosque are comparing Muslims to Nazis. Muslims all over the country who wish to build Mosques and Muslim prayer centers are being denied permits, as local governments are wiping their assess with the Constitution in order to please some racist jerks. And all of these thoughts naturally lead me to wonder this:

Did Glenn Beck face this much red tape from the government when he was planning his demonstration at the site of Dr. Martin Luther King's "I Have a Dream" speech this Saturday? Oh yeah. None. None at all. In fact, this was something he's been talking about for a year.

Think about it. Protesters of the Mosque in lower Manhattan are saying that because the 9/11 hijackers were Muslim, Muslims building on private property there would be in poor taste and would be a slap in the face to everyone who lost loved ones on September 11. Let's apply this logic be applied to Glenn Beck's demonstration. After all, a White person murdered Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Therefore, White people shouldn't be allowed to demonstrate on the site where he gave his "I Have a Dream" speech. It's sacred ground for African Americans who fought and died for equal rights. If you think I'm going too far with this, please read on.

One of the other major objections to a Muslim community and prayer center being built two blocks from Ground Zero is that this 13-story building is a symbol of Muslim's desire to convert everybody and change their most cherished beliefs and values. Fancy this quote.

This is going to be an image for the history books. If you come, I believe this may -- maybe in 100 years from now or 200 years from now -- I believe this will be remembered as a moment America turned the corner.

This is going to be an iconic event . . . This is a moment quite honestly, that I think we will reclaim the civil rights movement. It has been so distorted and so turned upside down. It's an abomination . . . We will take that movement because we were the people that did it in the first place.

Gee, who said that? Imam Rauf? No. It was Glenn Beck. It looks like Glenn Beck is the one who is trying to change history and our value system. Projection much?

WTF: Miscegenation Edition

A pastor in Louisiana intentionally doesn't marry interracial couples, but there's one very important thing you need to know.

I'm not a racist . . . I have piles and piles of Black friends.

Gee, that's reassuring, I guess. What's this guy's deal? Does he think it's 1953? No, he uses the classic Helen Lovejoy "won't someone please think of the children" defense.

"There is a problem with both groups accepting a child from such a marriage. I think those children suffer . . ."

True that. Just look at these unfortunate interracial misfits who were never accepted and amounted to nothing.

How cruel it would be to bring interracial children into the world when all they have to look forward to is becoming one of the most successful recording artists of all time, the highest paid athlete in professional sports, an Academy award winning actress, or President of the United States.

More from the Anonymous Misogynist

It's been more than a year since I left my old blog and started this one. For some reason, people still comment on the old blog from time to time. Some of the comments come from assholes who always post under "Anonymous," so I'm calling this sorry excuse for a person the Anonymous Misogynist. They're probably different people, but they all come from the same breed of women-hating dirtbags. And I recently got two comments in moderation two days in a row, so this time, I think the comments did come from the same Anonymous Misogynist. They're just too stupid to realize that comments go through moderation and aren't even posted anymore (not even the nice ones), because I don't update that blog anymore in any way. One comment was from a post dated March 10, 2008 where I wrote about a gym at Harvard that has women-only hours to accommodate Muslim women and any other women that feel uncomfortable exercising in front of men. I commented on the backlash the Muslim women were receiving from political pundits and the university community. Anonymous Misogynist said,

You're just a man hating sexist and all of your arguments boil down to that.

Yes, I am a man (shock horror) and no, I don't letch at women nor do I feel I have the privilege to do so and I don't want it either. (I bet now your next conclusion is that I'm gay - wrong again).

In the UK there are entirely female only gyms and I'm forbidden to enter because of my gender. There is no other reason.

There is no way you can argue that that is not sexist. Its ridiculous that you're even trying.

Rich of the person who's commenting anonymously to a post from a year and a half ago to call me ridiculous, and rich of the person who's telling me what I believe to simultaneously deride me for supposedly making assumptions about his gender and sexuality, which I never did, and before even reading the comment. And this is after I said, "A Harvard student suggested that another gym on campus have male-only hours at the same time as the female-only hours, and that's a policy I support," and "Usually, I don't support separating the men from the women," and after a slew of other civil comments I made without insult to two people, at least one who I know is male (because he's a friend of the woman I used to blog with). But apparently, according to the paranoid and privileged "Anonymous Misogynist" ** that's all code for "I hate men!" [froths at mouth]

The next forever-to-be-unmoderated comment from Anonymous Misogynist was about a genderqueer boy named Larry King, who was murdered for flirting with another boy after that boy made fun of his gender identity. I wrote that post on March 28, 2008, and the trial starts late next month. Here's what Anonymous Misogynist said:

that faggot deserves it! and you are a piece of shit feminist.

I guess Larry King was a bigger faggot than I am a piece of shit feminist, considering Anonymous Misogynist didn't end that last statement with an exclamation point. What a fuckface, right?

I don't know if Anonymous Misogynist takes Sundays off, but I'm definitely looking forward to its next comment.

*Reminds me of a recent episode of The Simpsons that was just on, in which Marge opens a gym for women. Homer asks, "Why would women want to go to a gym if there were no men there watching them and judging them?" After seeing the long line of women waiting to enter the gym at its grand opening, Homer exclaims, "We're gonna be rich!"

**I'm totally thinking of drawing a cartoon character of that.

A Rest from All That "Obama is a Racist" B.S. Going Around

Not that he's saying President Obama is the ANTICHRIST or anything, but here's a five-minute video explaining why this is indisputable fact!

via Mario Piperni

Funny Stuff

I haven't posted any Funny Stuff in a while. Let's just say that the last month was so not funny. But it's a new month, and here are some funny videos for your enjoyment.



Betty Bowers on traditional marriage.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Burka Ban
thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Jason Jones in Iran

Damn, Kristen Schaal. Where has your hilarious ass been?



The latest from Sarah Haskins.



File this under WTF. The inspiration of Barack Obama's presidential victory with all the kitsch of a Chia Pet.



File this under WTF too. Rush Limbaugh claims there's some sort of significance to the fact that Michael Jackson died during Barack Obama's presidency. And it sounds like his producers are giving him the "Please stop talking! You sound like a weirdo!" hand gesture. But Rush doesn't listen and continues to repeat his insane theory. If there ever was a time for the man to shut the fuck up . . . .

Anti-Feminist Dating Service: Phil Kidd

Hey, ladies. Say hello to Reverend Phil Kidd. Now shut up! Why? Because Reverend Kidd believes there are some times when women need to shut up, and if you want this guy to love you, you don't want to turn him off by speaking. And if you think it's just your voice that Kidd is concerned with, you're dead wrong, ladies. He's such a great guy, and he cares about the world so much, he needs to protect the world from the horrors of lady self-expression, such as

Wearing pants,

Singing,

Bob haircuts, and

Helping children (because it turns them gay)

He's also a tender fellow. Just look at the way he's holding that woman in the picture. He's protecting her from floating away. After all, gravity is just a theory.

So if you want to spend a very quiet life with Reverend Kidd, give him a call, and say nothing when he picks up.

WTF: Jesus License Plate Edition

Because nothing says "sunshine" quite like Jesus' crucifixion.

Important Questions, Conservative Wingnuts!

Asking questions is a sign of deep thought. And since conservative pundits aren't really into thinking, they don't ask the smartest questions. But they do ask important questions, and by "important questions," I mean they ask really ridiculous questions that I will then make fun of. 

First, Debbie Schlussel, who is . . . somebody asked a very important question after President Obama told an audience in Turkey that he is one of many Americans who has lived in a predominantly Muslim nation and has Muslim family members:

[B]ut which "one of them?"

BOTH, YOU MORON! He lived in Indonesia and has Muslim family members! Now answer me this, Debbie Schlussel. 

How can you be a conservative and wear tie-dye? Pick a side, lady!*

Next comes a very important question posed by Rush Limbaugh. Today he talked about the PUMA by Segway. It's like a cross between a regular Segway and the Pope Mobile, except unlike the Pope Mobile, the PUMA senses cars and people and moves out of the way automatically (now that's infallibility!). This is just a prototype, and there are undoubtedly some kinks to work out. Rush will probably send this complaint to Segway ASAP.

What I want to know is what's going to stop a car from running into it?

Gee, I don't know, Rush. Perhaps the person driving the car?! Will somebody please shake this man?

*Debbie Schlussel is wearing a hand-died baby's onesie by Maggie's Functional Organics. Probably.

The Funny Stuff

Third week in a row of just funny stuff!



This is a hilarious video of actual things fundamentalist Christians have said. The quotes are from Fundies Say the Darndest Things*



Joe the Pretend Plumber hopes the mainstream media doesn't make this inquisitive blogger as famous as the mainstream media made Joe the Pretend Plumber.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	M - Th 11p / 10c
Borderline Cops
comedycentral.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Economic Crisis Political Humor

On a slow news day after a week-long vacation, The Daily Show goes with the cash cow of comedy: The Minute Men!

And, the trailer we've all been waiting for . . . .




That was TOTALLY Ron Paul!




*When I typed that into Goolge, it said "Did you mean 'undies say the dandiest things?'"

The Funny and the Fucked Up (Mostly Funny Stuff, Though)

The Funny



Pope condoms! I'm still not sure whether these are more or less effective than Trojans. The Pope believes that condoms spread HIV, so of course his brand would need to suck in order for the prophecy to be self-fulfilled. But I think the Pope's face on a rubber is enough to kill the romance.



Portia de Rossi apologizes for marry Ellen DeGeneres on Jimmy Kimmel Live.

The following videos have nothing to do with anything, but they're still funny. Enjoy these infomercial parodies:







A Little Bit of Both

Alan Keyes' latest hydrophobic rant is against Norte Dame for inviting President Obama to speak at this year's commencement. We get it, Keyes. Now that Barack Obama is the President and Michael Steele is the head of the Republican Party, you're the other other Black guy. You're a notch below Tracy Morgan when he was on Saturday Night Live. It's a sucky place, but it's yours now. Anyway, I wouldn't suggest reading the whole thing. The three paragraphs posted at Pandagon were enough to make me cry.

I'm Funnier Than Rush

Yes, I am. It's not much of an accomplishment, but I think it could pad my resume. 

Rush Limbaugh attempted to make a joke on his show today. This is what I think happened. His first thought was "I'm going to tell a joke." Then, mid-joke-telling, probably due to chronic drug abuse, he totally forgot that anyone listening to him might be expecting to laugh after he finished speaking. And therefore . . . .

The old joke is this: God is watching The Oprah Winfrey Show, and he's just had it, 'cause he figures the human race -- and then he heard about Obama being invited at commencement speech at Notre Dame. He says, "That's just -- Notre Dame is inviting somebody who believes in infanticide to give the commencement speech? The most anti-life president in the history of the country and Notre Dame extends a commencement invite?" God, watching that and the Oprah show, says it's over. Humanity has failed. I have to step in. I'm going to end the world.

Buh-dum ching!

Ex-Masturbator, Current Bullshitter

Imagine this being your first modeling gig?

via Feministe

Have you ever wanted your most personal sexual activities to be captured on a T-shirt? And do you want to wear a different colored one every day? Well, consider this the day your life begins anew. Because Passion For Christ has come out with T-shirts emblazoned with the word "Ex-Masturbator." So now you can tell everyone that you used to masturbate but now you don't -- and show them your completely hairless palms as proof.

I can't tell you for sure what this organization even is, but I can guess. Passion For Christ seems to be some sort of evangelical club for teens of color. I have a feeling that nobody who has even seen Black person proofread this pile of garbage they call a campaign website. "Hit up their new article"? "Check out ya girl"? Who says these things? Or, it could be a total joke. I'm sure people have e-mailed Passion For Christ asking them if this is supposed to be funny, but the answer hasn't made it to their FAQs. Take a look at -- I mean, hit up -- this video and tell me that these people are serious.



It's long, but it's totally worth it. I LOLed a million times.

Let There Be Lies

via Science Blogs

This is the trailer for some weird movie called The Monstrous Regiment of Women: Extolling Femininity, Blasting Feminism. It's about women who, in between decrying the system that allows them to speak without a man's permission and having sex through a hole in the sheet, crawl into their hope chests with a pint of Chunky Monkey and cry themselves to sleep. And while the entire trailer makes me laugh at their stupidity, I do have a favorite part.

I was in the abortion business. I knew if I could go into a school that the pregnancy rate could increase by 50%. I knew if I could get the girls sexually active that she would have 3-5 abortions between the ages of 13 and 18, and that was actually our goal.

It's interesting that this video is on GodTube, when this trailer is filled with such illogical thinking that anyone with two neurons to fire at one another would know that it's all a lie. How can a woman say that she can increase the pregnancy rate by going to a school? Who is she? Gabriel? Or is she sneaking into locker rooms and dropping sperm on these girls' panties while they're in gym? I guess this is what happens when someone doesn't understand that girls have free will and control over their sexuality. Or maybe this poor woman sat in on one too many abstinence-only classes and doesn't know how reproduction actually works.

Take Action Monday

Say no to Title X funding for crisis pregnancy centers.

Tell your Representatives to help fight hunger in America.

Urge Barack Obama to focus on eliminating childhood death in poor countries.

Ask Reebok to keep its NHL gear manufacturing plants in North America (where the NHL plays).

Just say no to Rick Warren.

Rick Warren Wants to Fuck You

Rick Warren talked about his dirty inclinations to Ann Curry of ABC this week. He confessed,

I'm naturally inclined to have sex with every beautiful woman I see!

And after listening to that, my natural inclination is to *BARF*

Take Action Monday

Tell the Mormon church to prove they're not anti-gay.

Demand that Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal launch an investigation of white vigilante violence after Katrina.

Stop Bush's last minute attacks on the environment.

Tell clothing store Zara to support unions.

Urge the Obama administration to overturn harmful anti-choice HHS rule.

Help raise awareness of childhood cancers.

Share your priorities with new Labor Secretary Hilda Solis.

Ask Obama to create an Office on Women.

The Funny & The Fucked Up

The Funny

Sarah Haskins' latest video is all about cars. Those sexy, fuckable cars.

Fundamentally Flawed takes on the anti-gay bigots with sharp wit.

One of my Feministing Community blog posts made it to the main page. And it inspired like five flame wars.

The Fucked Up

A Catholic priest in South Carolina tells his parishioners not to receive communion if they voted for Obama. What has to happen before churches like this lose their tax exempt status? I'm sure Catholic churches paying taxes in a "pro-abortion" country is no more unholy than that same money going towards paying for kid-toucher insurance.



Mike Huckabee thinks LGBTs have to suffer more before they can get civil rights. Until then, being gay is totally bearable. And because Huckabee has such impeccable timing, he said all of that the day before International Transgender Day of Remembrance.

A Little Bit of Both

Focus on the Family is laying off 20% of its workforce. Think of it as a sign from God to get out of the gay-bashing business.

John Claude Van Damme attempted to hit on a Newsweek reporter with his . . . je ne sais quoi. Seriously, JC. Je ne sais quoi the Hell you are doing. "I really opened myself up in 'JCVD.' I peeled back the skin of the fruit, cut the pulp and then took that very hard seed. In this film I cut that hard seed, and inside that seed was a kind of liquid cream substance of the man I am, or the woman you are." Hard seed cream, ne sont pas des mots qui vont tres bien ensemble.

I Ask Myself an Important Question

How can this be one of the most reported stories in the 2008 election season . . .



yet people still believe this



???

Focus on the Family Blames It on the Rain

Masters of Asshatery Focus on the Family recently asked its supporters to pray for rain during Barack Obama's acceptance speech at the Democratic National Convention on Thursday. I thought this was another possible assassination plot, because it's common knowledge is made from the same stuff the Wicked Witch of the North is made of. But no. Stuart Shepard, director of digital media at Focus on the Family, tells us why we should all pray for rain on Thursday.

I'm still pro-life, and I'm still in favor of marriage being only between one man and one woman. And I'd like the next president who'll select justices to the Supreme Court to agree.

It's drought! Drought causes women to not want to be pregnant! Drought causes gay people to want the same right as straight people! Drought causes those embryonic stem cells to be so damn pluripotent! If only it would rain more frequently! Why, God?! Why?!

Focus on the Family has pulled the video from its website and issued this video quasi-apology. Can you believe Stuart Shepard is the funniest guy at Focus on the Family? That's sad.