Spanky Would Have Called It the "She-Male Palin-Hating Club"

Some pastor from Florida named Doug Giles made a video stating why it is feminists don't like Sarah Palin. It's not because she wants government to be about as big as the distance between one's ovaries and vaginal opening. And it's not because she is as dumb as a pair of dookie stained granny panties. It's because we're all a bunch of "she-males" who are jealous of her looks. In case you haven't heard that before, I've posted the video. Additionally, I will henceforth be referring to Pastor Giles as Spanky, because he is a childish little rascal. Seriously, Spanky. I'd like to welcome you to the year 2010. Feminists have been hearing this bullshit since before Sarah Palin's father shot her out of his nutsack.



And because I like correcting people so much, I'd like to let Spanky know that Sarah Palin did consider having an abortion when she was pregnant with Trig. Luckily, she lives in a country where she had the choice to have all 5 of her children, instead of being forced into motherhood by a so-called small government. Spanky chooses to believe the lie, or else she wouldn't be his proper definition of a woman. And that would make his ass hurt.

And lastly but not leastly, this video is filled with disgusting transphobic hate speech. Simple proof that trans people are always seen as a simple scapegoat for assholes. If Spanky was truly confident in his beliefs, he wouldn't be threatened by metrosexuals or Chaz Bono or trans women or anybody else who doesn't fit the strict gender binary that he worships every day. It's old fucking news, and I believe, as a wise young woman once said, has been around since way before Sarah Palin's father shot her out of his nutsack. I have a feeling this man sleeps with one eye open and both hands holding his dick for dear life. It's pitiful.

Sarah Palin Tells Some Knock Knock Jokes

I made a video of Sarah Palin telling knock knock jokes on Larry King Live using Xtranormal. I would have embedded it, but the code doesn't work, so just follow the link. It's my holiday gift to you. Hope you enjoy!

My Favorite Thing That I Missed

I missed blogging about the midterm elections, which means I missed so much: Sharon Angle, Christine O'Donnell, Marco Rubio, Carl Paladino, and the other right-wing nutjobs who ran for election in 2010. But my favorite part of the midterms was this ad from SarahPAC, Sarah Palin's political action committee that supports ultra conservative candidates (read: right-wing nutjobs). It's not so much a commercial for Sarah Palin's buddies as it is a look inside what Sarah Palin sees when she's tripping on X. While watching it, see if you can count to two Mississippis before another image pops onto the screen. It's a fun game.

Take Action Monday

End breast ironing in Cameroon.

Protect Social Security.

Tell President Obama to increase humanitarian aid to displaced Iraqis.

Urge Sarah Palin to STFU.

Support Net Neutrality.

Speak out against Republican obstructionism.

Palins to Teachers: "Oooh."

Former Governor Sarah "Winky Magee" Palin visited her home state of Alaska for some reason and brought a camera crew. Then, she saw a sign that said "WORST GOVERNOR EVER" and rushed over to talk to the person who made it. You know, because when Sarah Palin sees a sign that says "WORST GOVERNOR EVER," she automatically thinks, "That's me!" This is what went down:

Woman: You swore on your precious Bible that you would uphold the interests of this state. And then, when cash was waved in front of your face, you quit.

Sarah: [shocked] Oh, you wanted me to be your governor! I'm honored. Thank you.

Woman: I wanted you to honor your responsibilities. That is what I wanted. And to be part of the political process instead of becoming a celebrity so that you could -- and if that is the best you could do, then good for you, if that's the best you could do.

Sarah: That's why I'm out there, fighting for America, to have a Constitution protected so that we could have free speech.

Woman: Where are you fighting for that?

Sarah: Oh my goodness! To elect candidates who understand the Constitution, to protect our military interests so that we can keep fighting for our Constitution and freedoms --

Woman: By using your celebrity status. Certainly not by political --

One of Sarah's daughters -- Sprocket?: How is she a celebrity?

Sarah: I'm honored that she sees me as a celebrity!

Woman: You're certainly not representing the state of Alaska any longer, even though --

Palin's daughter -- Ozmodiar, I think: She's representing United States! *jazz hands*

Woman: Yes, I know. You belong to America now, and that's just fine.

Sarah: What do you do here?

Woman: I'm a teacher.

Sarah and Dingleberry Jones: Oooh. [exchange disappointed looks]

Yes, Sarah. Do you know what a teacher is? You should probably bring a Kindergarten teacher with you. She can improve your penmanship for the next time you want to read something off of your hand!

Ms. Palin's fee-fees got all hurt when news outlets played the video and concluded that she did indeed show contempt for this woman's career, albeit subtly. She certainly seemed much more thrilled when the woman identified herself as the wife of a commercial fisherman. Why not get so excited about her being a teacher, if you consider working in a school such an honorable profession that many of your family members hold? Where was she when John Boehner called the $20 billion jobs bill for teachers and police officers a "bailout for teachers unions?" Blogging in her PJs? Ms. Palin is all talk and no action and won't even come to the defense of her family when some jerk undermines their work. Shame, shame, shame.

So brava to Alaskan teacher lady, for speaking your mind, being proud, and being able to make a cogent argument. Can't say the same for Sarah Palin and her daughter, Boomerang Gypsy or something.

Take Action Monday

Make Sarah Palin's dream come true -- tell media conglomerate Discovery Communications to pull her special. Democracy will thank you.

Corn's for eatin', not for burnin'. Say no to more ethanol subsidies.

Help Katrina survivors rebuild.

Tell the EPA to take toxic chemicals off the market.

Thank Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens for his commitment to upholding the Constitution.

Juiz Baize, Constance McMillen, and every LGBTQ student deserve equal access to education. Support the Student Non-Discrimination Act.

Demand that Congress sign the Protecting America's Workers Act.

Sarah Palin Tries to be Funny, Fails.

The ever evolving Sarah Palin chased the limelight to the set of The Tonight Show with Jay Leno to add "crappy stand-up comic" to her resume. But some jokes are a little hard for Sarah Palin to understand, like this one I asked her during an interview before the 2008 election (just play along, people):

Me: Knock, knock.

Sarah Palin: Who's there?

Me: Vice President.

Sarah Palin: Vice President who? Seriously, what's a Vice President?

Then she tried to get me back for making her look like a fool. It totally backfired.

Sarah Palin: Knock, knock.

Me: Who's there?

Sarah Palin: Newspaper.

Me: Which one?

Sarah Palin: . . . Shit!

Take Action Monday

President Obama's healthcare proposal doesn't have a public option! Tell Congress that you support the public health insurance option, even if it'll only take 51 Democratic Senators to pass it.

Support the legalization of medicinal marijuana.

Urge President Obama to prevent Shell from drilling for oil offshore.

Prosecute Dick Cheney for supporting torture.

Help veterans re-enter the job market.

Stop the destruction of our natural forests.

Speak out against racial profiling.

Tell Sarah Palin to get her facts straight.

Too Funny for Words

The people in the above video love Sarah Palin. Let them count the ways . . . .

1. "Oh, gee. Help me out here, guys!"

2. "I can't think of the policies right off the bat."

3. "I don't know. I guess I never really thought about it."

4. "I'm not really sure."

5. "I'm not really sure where you're going with that -- what issues . . . ?"

6. "Uh . . . ."

7. "To be honest with you, I don't know anything about her foreign policy."

8. "I don't know. Uh, I don't really have an answer. I don't know her well enough, her thinking. I don't know what she knows and doesn't know. I wouldn't know half the stuff that some people would ask me." [WHAT?]

The next part of the video showcases how little these particular supporters know about anything that's going on in the country. It's like they can only hold in two or three consecutive words at a time, and the rest of the English language falls out of their ears. So they can say "cap and trade," "slippery slope," "partial-birth abortion," etc., but they can't simply can't find the words to put around those phrases to express a coherent thought. I wonder if it's because the Republican talking heads on FOX News and Clear Channel that they watch -- wrapped in a Snuggie, head cocked to the side, cross-eyed, and drooling -- "defend" their opinions with the same vagueness. Kind of makes me wish that theirs were the votes that were lost in Ohio.

The Irony is Completely Lost on Sarah Palin

Sarah Palin* said this in one of her Facebook notes the other day,

The America I know and love is not one in which my parents or my baby with Down Syndrome will have to stand in front of Obama’s “death panel” so his bureaucrats can decide, based on a subjective judgment of their “level of productivity in society,” whether they are worthy of health care. Such a system is downright evil.

after saying this,

"So how about, in honor of the American solider, you quit making things up?"

and this

Face it. You're one of us now! One of us! One of us! One of us! (and it goes on).



*This might make me sound like a total asshole, but I don't really care. I'm REALLY glad that I don't have to put "Governor" in front of her name anymore. It actually bothered me to show such an evil person that kind of respect. Whereas others would put "Ms." or "Mrs," I always felt like it was more respectful to use their title, no matter how repugnant I believe their policies to be.

The Funny & the Fucked Up

The Funny:



The latest from Sarah Haskins. I hate those doofy husband commercials too. Playing dumb is total male privilege!



William Shatner reads former Governor Palin's resignation speech. Poetry!

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
The Word - He Who Smelt It, Dealt It
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Tasers

Stephen Colbert compares racism to farts, with hilarious results.

The Fucked Up:

Governor Schwarzenegger cuts ALL funding from domestic violence shelters in California. Contact the governor and tell him what you think.

Important Question

Could that baby be any more uncomfortable?

Take Action Monday

Fair Trade Certified's blog held a fair trade haiku contest over the weekend, and my haiku was one of the winners! Mine is the eleventh one in comments, if you want to read it.

Tell Attorney General Holder to prosecute the architects of torture.

Not that he'll ever do it, but tell John McCain to apologize for shining the national spotlight on Sarah Palin.

Demand that Senator Hatch stop telling lies about Planned Parenthood.

Urge Iran's leader to not seek the death penalty for political prisoners.

Tell your Senators that genetically modified organisms are not the answer to world hunger.

W . . . T . . . F: Governor Sarah Palin Resigns

I have no idea what she said, but she said it for nearly seven minutes. Governor Sanford sounded more coherent crying through his press conference.

So Not Funny, David Letterman

David Letterman made a really gross joke about baseball player Alex Rodriguez and Willow Palin, the teenage daughter of Gov. Sarah Palin, the other night on the Late Show. Momma and Willow went to a Yankee game together the other night, which is already vomit-inducing. Here's the joke:

One awkward moment with Sarah Palin at the Yankee game during the seventh inning, her daughter was knocked up by Alex Rodriguez.

Ew. Ew. The joke doesn't even really make much sense. This joke should be directed towards A-Rod and his brief fling with 50-year-old Madonna. So if the joke was about A-Rod and Sarah Palin hooking up, that might have been funny. But that's not how it went down. The joke implies that Alex Rodriguez, who's 33, impregnated a 14-year-old. That's just nasty.

EDIT: 200th post! What what!

BREAKING NEWS: Joe Biden Forgets Something, Remembers It Two Seconds Later

Oh. My. God. Vice President Joe Biden couldn't remember the name of the website where we can check how the stimulus money is being spent. Then he remembered it's recovery.gov. If I knew before the election that he was going to have such a horrible memory, I would have voted for the VP candidate who doesn't know what the VP does.

The Cry-Baby Wing of the Right (i.e., all of it)

What a week for kvetching conservatives*, right? 

There's Sarah Palin belly-aching about anonymous bloggers (whatever those are).

Then Joe the Pretend Plumber complains about non-anonymous non-blogging mainstream-media war correspondents.



He also reminisces about the olden days when people went to the cinema to watch propaganda. Shouldn't he be thrilled that we don't even have to go outside for that anymore? Just turn on Fox News.

Finally, "Ann Coulter *wink*" cries about the ladies of The View not getting her.



We get it. Your 15 minutes are up. Give it up already.




*I know you loved that alliteration.

And the Little Accident's Name Is . . . .

Hey! Gov. Sarah Palin's daughter Bristol had a baby. Remember the Palins? And in the fine Palin tradition of giving children names that are likely to scar them for life, the little bundle of joy's name is Tripp. As in "I tripped and fell on my boyfriend's penis." What would you have named him? Take the poll or leave other suggestions in comments.

In what the radical right would love to think is a completely unrelated story, abstinence pledges don't work. Not only do kids who pledge abstinence have sex before marriage anyway, they are less likely to use birth control. In other words, abstinence pledges are a ginormous fail. 

The Funny & the Fucked Up

The Funny



Keith Olbermann went on The View on Monday. And, no, he's not standing.



Rachel Maddow compiles some of the funniest Bushisms.

And this has nothing to do with anything, but Joe Scarborough said "fuck you" on his show and didn't realize it for like 2 minutes. Hi-larious!

The Fucked Up



Former Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin thinks "living with their parents" is an insult. Excuse me, but some of us have to work to pay for our student loans and graduate school tuition, unlike some people *wink*.

A man in Tanzania attempted to sell his albino wife, because body parts from albinos are apparently great for potion-making. The article doesn't say if he tried to sell her to protect her from being killed or to profit from her albinism. Either way, that's fucked up.

A Little Bit of Both



Lindsay Lohan called Barack Obama our first "colored" president. And she said "colored" softly and quickly, like she knew it was wrong. Although, she said "fruition" that way too.

And Joe the Plumber, who has no right to practice plumbing, has a website! It's called Secure the American Dream, which apparently involves stiffing America out of taxes. And none of the links work. Joe the Web Designer he is not.

Winner of the Funniest Gaffe Poll

No surprise, Sarah Palin is the funniest gaffe of the presidential election. Here are the results:

Joe Biden tells Chuck Graham to stand up: 2 votes

John McCain agrees that Western Pennsylvania is racist: 6 votes

Barack Obama claims to have visited 57 states: 2 votes 

Sarah Palin. Simply Sarah Palin: 10 votes

So what does Governor Palin win for being the biggest gaffe of the presidential campaign? Nothin'. But you guys get Palin's greatest hits. Or should I say misses?

Sarah Palin does not know what the Vice President does

Sarah Palin can't name a newspaper

Sarah Palin scolds supporters

Sarah Palin can't name a Supreme Court decision besides Roe v. Wade that she disagrees with. How about Plessy v. Ferguson?

Sarah Palin doesn't know what a terrorist is

Sarah Palin talks to Quebecois shock jocks, but thinks they're French President Sarkozy

Sarah Palin thinks Afghanistan borders the United States, and misquotes Madeline Albright (it's a 2-fer!)

Sarah Palin thinks New Hampshire is in the Northwest