Shorter Allstate: We'll Pay for Your Negligence

Particularly if some woman dares to look good while running past your car.

BTW, this is my 350th post!

Linda McMahon's BFF Believes Linda McMahon Would Be a BSF

BSF. That's Best Senator Forever! Totes cute, right?

Come on. I bet my best friends would tell me I'd make a great Senator. I think they might have. But I'm not gonna take them up on it. Sorry! I'm all for women running for public office, of course. But I think women politicians need to make sure that they're really taken seriously. You can't even put your best friend down as a reference on an application to work at Taco Bell. So why would you do it in a campaign ad? It reads too much as a human interest story and not enough as a serious attempt to garner my support. Well, not my support, since I don't live in Connecticut. I'm not quite sure why I even see any of Linda McMahon's ads, to be honest with you.

Not only am I not from Connecticut, I'm not a Republican. Not by a long shot. These sorts of fluffy political ads don't make me like a candidate. I want to know where somebody stands on important issues that affect me and the people I care about. Maybe conservatives prefer a woman politician who doesn't cross the line of proper feminine gender expectations.

The Last Person in the World Who Should Be Telling You When It's OK to Get Preggers, Tells You When It's OK to Get Preggers (& Doesn't Get It Right)

That might have just been the longest title in AFF history! Anywho, Bristol Palin, who is a spokeswoman for a keep-your-legs-closed organization called the Candie's Foundation has a new public service announcement for all you slutty little girls out there: Don't fuck, unless you're rich like moi.

What if I didn't come from a famous family? What if I didn't have all their support? What if I didn't have all these opportunities?

Um, you'll be alone with your bundle of joy, wearing a white t-shirt and boyfriend jeans, standing in front of a couch in your tiny studio apartment?

Omigod, I was totally right!

The problem with this ad is that it is totally classist. Bristol Palin is essentially saying that it's okay that she was sexually active, got pregnant, and became a parent because she comes from a rich and famous family with lots of connections. But because you don't have these things, you should do what the Candie's Foundation says and keep your legs closed. I'm actually surprised that this organization even has Bristol Palin as a spokesperson. Nothing says "be skeptical of the media's portrayal of teen pregnancy and parenting" like getting $100,000 for posing on magazine covers and $300,000 for selling your baby pictures to the tabloids.

Kotex & Breaking the Cycle

Kotex has a pretty hilarious campaign geared toward young women that tries to break stereotypes about periods that are prevalent throughout conventional ads for menstrual products. The site, U by Kotex, could be better. But the part I really like is a declaration that young women can sign to love their bodies and talk honestly about their periods without embarrassment. One of their commercials shows a woman talking about her period and kind of making fun of all of the menstrual product commercials that are out there.

Take Action Monday

Don't let big business buy our elections.

Help forgive Haiti's $1 billion debt.

Demand that the EPA test chemicals more thoroughly.

Support the Paycheck Fairness Act.

Tell Congress to fund education and job creation, not the war in Afghanistan.

Demand the truth about bank bonuses.

Urge President Obama to end nuclear weapons proliferation.

Tell the FDA to take GM corn off the shelves.

Stop the building of a military base in Okinawa that could disrupt marine life.

Tell CBS not to air anti-choice ad.

Take Action Monday on Tuesday

I was sick yesterday, so I didn't get the chance to post any petitions. This may be the first time I've had two colds in a year since I was a little kid.

Demand that CBS pull an anti-choice Super Bowl ad.

Don't let Citizens United v. FEC happen again. The Supreme Court will hear a case that may allow billionaires to donate an unlimited amount of money to campaigns.

Support common-sense healthcare reform for women and families.

Make sure health insurance is made affordable to older Americans.

Demand quality early childhood education in your state.

Tell President Obama to close Guantanamo Bay prison.

End world hunger.

Help free a Tibetan filmmaker.

Demand an exit strategy in Afghanistan.

Help stop Uganda's anti-gay bill.

WTF: Booty Pop

I saw this commercial for Booty Pop panties while I was flipping through the channels yesterday. They're padded underwear to make it look like your butt is bigger than it is. Because I guess that's what women want now? That's news to me.

Because in Reality, You Have Nothing to Offer

Latest from Bryan Safi & Sarah Haskins

Bryan Safi outlines the many ways of coming out, brought to you by every television show ever.



Sarah Haskins explains why back to school is, like, totes awesome.

Take Action Monday

I have to do this assignment for one of my teaching courses where I have to visit a school for a few hours, observe a class, and get some general information about the school and surrounding community. Every school I call requires that I give up my first-born child in order to do this assignment, since they don't want just anyone entering their school. When I told them I don't have any children and don't plan to, they told me a pint of my blood would be a sufficient offering. So I'll be visiting the blood bank soon. Anyway . . . .

Protect the Arctic from oil and gas development.

Encourage the 62 companies who have pulled their ads from Glenn Beck's program to stand their ground.

Support the Clean Water Protection Act.

Tell your Senators to pass healthcare reform now.

Tell your Representatives not to meet with anti-immigrant hate groups while planning immigration reform.

Support a balanced approach to achieving Middle East peace.

Urge your Representative and Senators to prioritize reproductive healthcare access in healthcare reform.

You Can Go Girl . . . .

Or you can sit on the damn seat!

Charles & Red Answer Important Questions

via Feministing

Transgender life coaches Charles and Red give hilarious answers to the cis people who've failed Trans 101

And while I'm at it, here's the latest That's Gay by Bryan Safi.



Please don't ask me what gay people have to do with feminism. Please.

Take Action Monday

Tell Congress to draft a healthcare plan that works for people with chronic diseases.

Call on advertisers to stop sponsoring Glenn Beck's racist television and radio shows.

Show Homeland Security Secretary Napolitano that you want real immigration reform.

Tell your Congressperson to support a public healthcare option.

Urge your Senators to confirm Judge Sotomayor to the Supreme Court.

Thank Secretary of State Clinton for her dedication to women's rights.

Tell CNN that you want Lou Dobbs off the air. I know I do.

Demand accountability for the crimes committed at Guantanamo Bay.

Urge Senators Baucus, Bingaman, Conrad, Enzi, Grassley, and Snowe to give back money donated to them by health insurance and pharmaceutical companies.

The Funny & the Fucked Up

The Funny:



The latest from Sarah Haskins. I hate those doofy husband commercials too. Playing dumb is total male privilege!



William Shatner reads former Governor Palin's resignation speech. Poetry!

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
The Word - He Who Smelt It, Dealt It
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Tasers

Stephen Colbert compares racism to farts, with hilarious results.

The Fucked Up:

Governor Schwarzenegger cuts ALL funding from domestic violence shelters in California. Contact the governor and tell him what you think.

Latisse: For Women with Eyelash FAIL

When is having "inadequate or not enough eyelashes" a medical condition that should be treated with prescription drugs? When it's labeled hypotrichosis, a condition in which hair does not grow at all in places where it's supposed to. Eyelashes function as little brooms for our eyeballs that sweep away dust and dead skin cells. They also grant wishes*. That's why people with hypotrichosis need Latisse, a prescription liquid that people with this terrible affliction dab on their eyelids to make eyelashes grow where there were no eyelashes before.

Cue Brooke Shields. I bet you didn't even know that Brooke Shields never had eyelashes until about 16 weeks before the above commercial was filmed. That's because she uses Latisse, and also because she's always had eyelashes.

Now, there are diseases that cause people to not grow, (hypotrichosis), lose (alopecia), and pull out (trichotillomania) their hair, including their eyelashes. Hair loss is also a side effect of chemotherapy. This product could probably help people in those situations. But Latisse is not marketed that way. It's advertised as a cosmetic drug for women who are, apparently, supposed to feel insecure about their eyelashes. The company uses the term "hypotrichosis" and defines it so narrowly to only pertain to eyelashes that aren't long and thick enough (whatever that means), making eyelashes that don't conform to our society's beauty standards a disease. On top of all the other parts of our bodies we're supposed to hate (i.e., all of it), now we have to make a doctor's appointment to check the adequacy of our eyelashes. What the hell?



* Seriously, the company is donating $1 million to the Make a Wish Foundation.

Funny Stuff

I haven't posted any Funny Stuff in a while. Let's just say that the last month was so not funny. But it's a new month, and here are some funny videos for your enjoyment.



Betty Bowers on traditional marriage.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Burka Ban
thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Jason Jones in Iran

Damn, Kristen Schaal. Where has your hilarious ass been?



The latest from Sarah Haskins.



File this under WTF. The inspiration of Barack Obama's presidential victory with all the kitsch of a Chia Pet.



File this under WTF too. Rush Limbaugh claims there's some sort of significance to the fact that Michael Jackson died during Barack Obama's presidency. And it sounds like his producers are giving him the "Please stop talking! You sound like a weirdo!" hand gesture. But Rush doesn't listen and continues to repeat his insane theory. If there ever was a time for the man to shut the fuck up . . . .

Important Question, Whatever You Are!

Retro Comedy posted the 15 Creepiest Vintage Ads of All Time, and this gem of an ad for postage meters came in 4th (Really? Only 4th?). It asks the important question, "Is it always illegal to kill a woman?" Apparently, it isn't if your bitchy holier-than-thou secretary refuses to use a postage meter as fine as this one.

Speaking of which, what the hell is a postage meter? I mean besides the perfect murder weapon?

The Funny and the Fucked Up (Mostly Funny Stuff, Though)

The Funny



Pope condoms! I'm still not sure whether these are more or less effective than Trojans. The Pope believes that condoms spread HIV, so of course his brand would need to suck in order for the prophecy to be self-fulfilled. But I think the Pope's face on a rubber is enough to kill the romance.



Portia de Rossi apologizes for marry Ellen DeGeneres on Jimmy Kimmel Live.

The following videos have nothing to do with anything, but they're still funny. Enjoy these infomercial parodies:







A Little Bit of Both

Alan Keyes' latest hydrophobic rant is against Norte Dame for inviting President Obama to speak at this year's commencement. We get it, Keyes. Now that Barack Obama is the President and Michael Steele is the head of the Republican Party, you're the other other Black guy. You're a notch below Tracy Morgan when he was on Saturday Night Live. It's a sucky place, but it's yours now. Anyway, I wouldn't suggest reading the whole thing. The three paragraphs posted at Pandagon were enough to make me cry.

Do My Job for Me, Easy Curves!

You know what would make this commercial even better?




Billy Mays. He's a pretty big boob, but he could be bigger.

I Know Your Secret, Arby's

via Feministing

In this ad, Arby's is prepping us for a big surprise about their fast food. Because I'm so special, I already know what it is. The secret is . . .

Arby's genetically modified buns have nipples!