Take Action Monday

I am sooo bored, man. I could post about John McCain's choice for VP, but that's just too easy. So I'll do my Take Action Monday post today, because it's almost Monday here.

Tell Congress to uphold human rights on the Gulf Coast.

Ever got treatment for a miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy? Share your story.

Speak out against the Department of Health and Human Services rule that defines birth control as abortion.

Tell lawmakers to listen to what the people want in their healthcare system.

Submit your tribute to LGBT rights activist Del Martin.

Become a pollworker.

Support human rights activists.

Help bring peach and justice to central Africa.

Focus on the Family Blames It on the Rain

Masters of Asshatery Focus on the Family recently asked its supporters to pray for rain during Barack Obama's acceptance speech at the Democratic National Convention on Thursday. I thought this was another possible assassination plot, because it's common knowledge is made from the same stuff the Wicked Witch of the North is made of. But no. Stuart Shepard, director of digital media at Focus on the Family, tells us why we should all pray for rain on Thursday.

I'm still pro-life, and I'm still in favor of marriage being only between one man and one woman. And I'd like the next president who'll select justices to the Supreme Court to agree.

It's drought! Drought causes women to not want to be pregnant! Drought causes gay people to want the same right as straight people! Drought causes those embryonic stem cells to be so damn pluripotent! If only it would rain more frequently! Why, God?! Why?!

Focus on the Family has pulled the video from its website and issued this video quasi-apology. Can you believe Stuart Shepard is the funniest guy at Focus on the Family? That's sad.

Take Action Monday

Hey! I'm actually posting this on a Monday!

Speak out against Bush's new definition of abortion that could limit most birth control options and federal funding of crisis pregnancy centers that lie to women.

Get your FREE Obama/Biden '08 sticker.

Tell Democratic Vice Presidential nominee Joe Biden to lead the fight against poverty.

Sign the pledge in support for full access to reproductive healthcare.

Contact FEMA and tell them to deliver supplies to Katrina survivors.

Post your rememberance of Rep. Stephanie Tubbs Jones.

Let the GOP know that you want the full support of LGBT rights to be a part of their platform.

Recapture the America we had before Bush.

Send your healthcare platform to the Democratic National Convention.

Give health insurance companies a piece of your mind.

PETA, !Callate!

via Feministing

It's amazing that PETA can spend so much time and money attempting to change the eating habits of everyone on earth, yet they apparently think that Mexicans don't eat animal products. PETA plans to post the above advertisement along the U.S./Mexico boarder fence in order to warn Mexicans and other immigrants who are crossing the boarder illegally about the unhealthy foods that are eaten in the United States, namley, animal products. Here's the translation of the ad:

If the border patrol doesn't get you, the chicken and hamburgers will. Go vegan.

A roundtable of vegans over at PETA actually sat down, came up with this ad, and agreed that it was a good idea. But there are Spanish translations for "chicken" and "hamburger," so doesn't that imply that people already eat this stuff in Mexico? So what's with the warning? But the patronizing nature of this ad goes further when the assistant manager of PETA's vegan campaign said this:

We think that Mexicans and other immigrants should be warned if they cross into the U.S. they are putting their health at risk by leaving behind a healthier, staple diet of corn tortillas, beans, rice, fruits and vegetables.

Has this person ever walked into a Mexican restaurant? Part of me wishes she would, just so I can see the look on her face when she realizes that Mexican food isn't vegan. The other part ofe me thinks she must have, since she thinks Mexicans eat a vegan diet. And still part of me thinks this person just stereotyped an entire people.

Remembering Congresswoman Stephanie Tubbs Jones

There have been conflicting reports regarding the condition of Democratic Congresswoman Stephanie Tubbs Jones of Ohio after she suffered an aneurysm on Tuesday night. Sadly, it has been confirmed that the first African American woman to represent Ohio in Congress has died. She was 58. Now we can cry and ask "Why, God, why?!" But I choose to remember Tubbs Jones for her hilarious appearance on The Colbert Report nearly 3 years ago. We will all miss you, Judge Tubbs.

Coffee, Chicken Wings, and Hotties

Did you know that coffee, Buffalo wings, and other foods are so repulsive that men will only consume these things if they're served by big-breasted leggy blondes? I didn't know that either. But it's apparently true -- what with Hooters, The Hawaiian Tropic Zone, and the slew of cafes that now offer tall, mocha, low-fat ladies. What happened to the days when a "sexpresso" was a disgruntled Starbucks employee busting a nut in some suit's frappuccino?

So Not Funny, John McCain

So John McCain and Barack Obama were at some Evangelical thing trying to win over a group of people who hate everyone who isn't exactly like them. Who needs their votes? More importantly, who wants their votes. But that's not what this post is about. This is a post about the "joke" John McCain made at that event that was so not funny.

Evangelical priest guy: On taxes, define "rich." Everybody talks about, you know, taxing the rich, but not the poor, the middle class. At what point, give me a number, give me a specific number. Where do you move from middle class to rich? Is it 100,000? 50,000? Is it 200 [thousand]? How does anyone know if we don't know what the standards are?

John McCain then goes over the typical Republican talking points, you know, that if everyone had more tax breaks we'd be able to by that really expensive health insurance that screws us over whenever we actually need that coverage (in so many words). Then he said this:

McCain: I think if you're just talking about income, how about 5 million?

Then the crowd and the Evangelical priest guy laughs. I mean, wouldn't Jesus laugh? Because in this time when people can't afford to buy back-to-school supplies for their children, we need to make jokes. But Barack Obama is an elitist, right? See, because I think the elitist is the one who makes a joke about something like this and then neglect to answer the question at all. Of course McCain can't answer this question. He doesn't know what middle class is. That's how out-of-touch he is with the 99% of Americans he's going to screw over if he becomes president.

But there is something funny about this. John McCain actually says that he knows that the "comment will be distorted." Well, people. You have the video right there. It's all in context. Who's laughing?

Mmmm . . . Sensitivity Training

via Feministing

Jessica Valenti of Feministing wrote about this cake that was originally posted at Cake Wrecks. While it doesn't look like Jessica or many of the other readers who commented over at Feministing particularly liked this cake, I think it's hilarious and effective. Perfect balance of humor, sensitivity, and saturated fat. If there ever was a good excuse for sexually harassing a fellow employee, I think this cake pretty much throws that excuse out the window. "But how could you have forgotten about our anti-sexual harassment policy? You ate the 'No Sexual Harassment" cake!'"

Take Action Monday on Sunday

I already know that I won't have time to post this tomorrow, so I'm posting it now. It's the post of tomorrow . . . today!

Encourage USAID, the World Bank, and other organizations to make aid better.

Stop the rising costs of healthcare.

Sign MoveOn.org's "Birth Control is NOT Abortion" petition (and get your FREE Obama button, if you fancy that).

Tell Condoleezza Rice to protect Darfuri women from rape.

Ask Barack Obama and John McCain how they're going to secure America's financial future.

Tell Barack Obama and John McCain to say no to offshore drilling.

Urge your Senators to reject Senator Hutchinson's "6-month rule" version of the Lily Ledbetter Fair Pay Act.

In light of the 6th farm worker to die of heat stroke in the last 3 months, tell California legislators that this needs to end (even if you're not from California, since the whole country buys the fruits of their labor -- literally).

Show your support for WOZA.

And because loud commercials are soooo annoying, sign this petition in support of the Commercial Advertisement Loudness Mitigation Act (CALM).

The Secret to Living Forever

Ever wonder how 91-year-old Ernest Borgnine can still, in his old age, play a cartoon superhero on Spongebob Squarepants? Fox & Friends fished for the answer, and almost immediately regretted it.

Borgnine: I masturbate a lot.

Along with hairy palms, insanity, blindness, and selfishness, I think looking like Ernest Borgnine will become another tool in the arsenal of the anti-masturbation crowd.

Monica Crowley Needs an Urban Dictionary

This past Sunday on The McLaughlin Group, Monica Crowley said this:

Obama has a very big problem with women over 40 and a really big problem with women over 50. He will not choose Hillary Clinton [for Vice President], but look for him to actually become Hillary Clinton to try to hustle the cougars.

Two things makes this statement hilarious. First, she said this about 2 minutes after saying "I'm a feminist." She's such a feminist that she can't go 2 minutes without using an ageist, sexist slur. Secondly, her statement makes me wonder if Crowley even knows what a cougar is. Otherwise she'd be saying that Barack Obama has to be a bit sexier in order to get the old lady vote, and that's just weird.

Take Action Monday

August 9th was my one-month bloggiversary, and I missed it! So I'll sing myself the Happy Bloggiversary song now. Happy Bloggiversary to me/Happy Bloggiversary to me/Tra-la-la humity-hum-hum/Happy Bloggiversary to me. I should think of actual words for that song. In the meantime, here's some take action stuff. I'll think of something funny to post soon, I promise.

Take the National Women's Law Center's "What Do Women Want?" poll.

Show the athletes of Team Darfur some support.

Tell President Bush to speak out against China's role in the atrocities in Darfur and Tibet.

Let Congress know that you hate those invasive scanners at the airport that virutally strip-search you.

Support ONE.org's Platforms Against Poverty.

Tell the presidential candidates that they need to include everyone in their plans for affordable healthcare (John McCain has an affordable healthcare plan?)

Help bring justice to all survivors of rape.

Celebrity Funny of the Day

via Feministe

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Oh, Paris! You read so much better than George W. Bush!

Take Action Monday on Wednesday

I've been neglecting my poor blog, haven't I? Better late than never!


Help stop the human rights abuses against women and children in the Congo.

Watch Mia Farrow's webcast during the first week of the Olympics, starting August 8.

Urge the Democratic party to remain pro-choice.

Tell the Federal Election Committee to investigate Wal-Mart's potentially illegal scare tactics.

Stop Repression of Workers Rights at Jakarta Hotel Gran Melia.

Protect women's access to birth control.

Tell President Bush to promote human rights in China while he's at the Olympic games.

John McCain Pretends He's Hip to the Groove . . . Jive Turkey

Sorry for my absence. I haven't been on the computer in days and days. I really need to get one for myself. Some updates on my life . . . I started a new job! Yay! I went to the American Idol concert on Wednesday night. I know, I'm such a dork. The best part of the night was Jason Castro's performance, of course. After he performed "Over the Rainbow" (the Israel "IZ" Kamakawiwo'ole version), he said that he just finished reading a book called The Alchemist. You know who else just read that book? I did! Obviously I screamed my head off when he said that. I was like, "I just read that book!!! I just read that book!!!"

Okay, I can talk about Jason Castro and his infinite beauty all day long (infinitely, actually), but it's time to talk about more important things like John McCain's new and hilarious attack ad on Barack Obama. If you don't have 30 seconds to watch the ad, here's the jist of it: "So many people love Barack Obama and gather by the hundreds of thousands to hear him speak. Wouldn't you rather have a crusty old man who goes grocery shopping in a suit lead the free world? That's what I thought." Juxtaposing Barack Obama with Britney Spears and Paris Hilton is pretty silly, especially since the Hilton family donated money to John McCain's campaign. I don't know anything about campaign donation etiquette, but I don't think you should feature one of your donors in an attack ad. That's just common sense. Obama bit back in what some believe is a controversial way*. However, I think he should retaliate with an attack ad of his own featuring a celebrity he is indeed associated with, and it can go a little something like this:

Don LaFontaine: In a world where one's knowledge of celebrity and entertainment news is obviously so much more important than knowing who's running for president of the United States, John McCain is horribly inept. In an interview with Joe Scarborough on his show "Morning Joe", John McCain calls Heidi Montag of "The Hills" "a very talented actress." Montag, eh? Sounds German. In fact, "Montag" means "Monday" in German, and nobody likes Mondays. You know who else was German? Adolf Hitler! And you know who's friends with Hiedi Montag? John McCain's daughter, Meghan! Anywho, John McCain doesn't even know that "The Hills" is a reality show. Well, it's sort of a reality show. They basically just reenact the days events for the cameras, but I wouldn't call that acting. Would you? Seems a bit tedious, doesn't it? That's what you get with John McCain -- no knowledge of today's important entertainment issues, tedium, and only two degrees of separation between him and HITLER.

And, of course, it would end with "I'm Barack Obama, and I approve this message."




*When I searched for "Barack Obama's reaction to John McCain Paris Hilton ad," all I got were entertainment articles on Paris Hilton's reaction to the ad. But when I searched for "Obama plays the race card," I got the info I needed. Sad, sad, sad.

Take Action Monday on Tuesday

I was so crampalicious yesterday that I couldn't get online to post any petitions. "Take Action Tuesday" sounds a bit more spiffy, but I'll continue to post these on Monday anyway. Enjoy!

Tell your Representitive to support the Paycheck Fairness Act -- there's talk that they'll vote on it on Wednesday!

Urge your Representative to vote Nay on H.R. 362, which calls for a military blockade of Iran.

Let CBS know that you don't approve of their franken-interviews.*

Tell your Senators to honor suffragist Alice Paul with a Congressional Gold Medal. Perfect timing, Senators Lautenburg and Menendez of New Jersey -- just in time for the Olympics!

Remind Senator McCain and Master of Asshatery Bill O'Reilly that our right to birth control is just as important as their right to 4-hour boners. Ew, I just thought of John McCain and Bill O'Reilly having boners!

Help get more Senators to cosponser the Fair Pay Restoration Act.

Thank your Representative if they cosponsored the bill to repeal "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." And if they didn't, tell them to do it already!

Tell Bush and Mukasey that you like the Constitution.

Show your support for the Womens Veterans Healthcare Improvement Act.




*Not interviews with Al Franken. They need more of those. I'm talking about the edited interview Katie Couric had with John McCain, where CBS created one answer out of three other answers from later on in the interview in order to cover up yet another inaccurate claim made by McCain.

Important Question, Bill O'Reilly!

Master of Asshatery Bill O'Reilly asks a very important question in response to Planned Parenthood's call to John McCain to treat Viagra and birth control equally:

Do I have to buy you dinner before you use the birth control?

Despite the fact that he screamed this question into the camera, I still have no idea what the hell he's asking. I would really like to answer this question truthfully, but the more I repeat it to myself, the less and less it makes sense. All I know is that any request for a dinner date with Bill O'Reilly makes me uncomfortable, since he has some weird issues with food, and the date probaby ends with a shower that you come out of feeling much dirtier than you were upon entering.

The Daily Show Answers an Important Question

Larry Wilmore of The Daily Show answers the very important question "Could an Obama presidency hurt Black Americans?"

Pro-Lie Legislation (that's not a typo)

via The Washington Post

For women in South Dakota, getting an abortion just got more difficult.

The U.S. Court of Appeals for the 8th Circuit last week lifted a preliminary injunction that prevented the language from taking effect. A spokesman for Planned Parenthood, which runs the state's only abortion clinic, said doctors will begin reciting the script to patients as early as this week.

In addition to having to view an ultrasound picture of the embryo, women seeking abortion in South Dakota will have to be told the following things no eariler than 2 hours before the procedure:

1. That the abortion will terminate the life of a whole, separate, unique,
   living human being;
2. That [the patient]has an existing relationship with that unborn human
   being and that the relationship enjoys protection under the United States
   Constitution and under the laws of South Dakota;
3. That by having an abortion, her existing relationship and her existing
   constitutional rights with regards to that relationship will be
   terminated . . .
4. That there is an increased risk of depression and suicide after abortion
   

None of these statements are unequivocally true. The fourth statement is 100% false, while the rest are, at best, matters of opinion. And notice how no such legislation exists for women who choose to give birth. Don't they need to be coerced, guilt-tripped, and lied to as well? I think so. That's why I propose the following legislation. Like South Dakota's law, this one will not be confined by things like facts or observable reality.

During every prenatal visit at a doctor's office, pregnant women must watch an episode of Supernanny. Then, they must be given the following information:

1. Many more women die from childbirth than from abortion.

2. 100% of women who have ever suffered from post-partum depression and post-partum psychosis have given birth soon before the onset of their symptoms.

3. Kids are fucking expensive.

4. Giving birth too many times can make your vagina turn inside out.

5. Giving birth causes baby unicorns to get run over by landscapers on their giant riding lawnmowers, which, in turn, causes lightning to strike one of your loved ones. The jury's still out on whether or not the lightning strikes kills that loved -- but do you really want to take that chance?!

6. If you have a kid, there's a chance a Republican president will send her or him to fight, and possibly die, in a senseless war that kills 10 times more civilians than actual enemies.

7. Hannah Montana, Flavor Flav, That's Amore, Tila Tequila, Tyra Banks, Dr. Phil, Maury, Hogan Knows Best, Rock of Love, Ron Paul. Now do you want to bring a child into this scary world? Didn't think so!

In this legislation, "vagina" is defined as "a woman's down there lady parts, or hoo-ha."

Michael Savage Didn't Listen to Daddy

via Media Matters

The always classy Master of Asshatery Michael Savage recently went on a tirade about kids with autism. Even though nobody paged Doctor Asshat, he felt the need to claim that 99% of people with autism are malingerers. After that, he shared a fuzzy memory about what his pa used to tell him:

[I]f I behaved like a fool, my father called me a fool. And he said to me, 'Don't behave like a fool.' The worst thing he said -- 'Don't behave like a fool. Don't be anybody's dummy. Don't sound like an idiot. Don't act like a girl. Don't cry.' That's what I was raised with. That's what you should raise your children with. Stop with the sensitivity training. You're turning your son into a girl, and you're turning your nation into a nation of losers and beaten men. That's why we have the politicians we have.

Behaving like a fool -- check.
Being a dummy -- check.
Sounding like an idiot -- double check.
Don't cry -- triple check, cuz all I heard of that was "Boo-hoo-hoo. *yell* My dad hates me. *argh*"

I love how being a girl is somehow an insult. Being a girl is not the worst thing in the world. I should know, because I have a clitoris, and that fucking rules. What does Michael Savage have? A phallic-looking microphone pressed against his chapped lips. Who would want that over a clitoris? Nobody.