First, Debbie Schlussel, who is . . . somebody asked a very important question after President Obama told an audience in Turkey that he is one of many Americans who has lived in a predominantly Muslim nation and has Muslim family members:
[B]ut which "one of them?"
BOTH, YOU MORON! He lived in Indonesia and has Muslim family members! Now answer me this, Debbie Schlussel.
How can you be a conservative and wear tie-dye? Pick a side, lady!*
Next comes a very important question posed by Rush Limbaugh. Today he talked about the PUMA by Segway. It's like a cross between a regular Segway and the Pope Mobile, except unlike the Pope Mobile, the PUMA senses cars and people and moves out of the way automatically (now that's infallibility!). This is just a prototype, and there are undoubtedly some kinks to work out. Rush will probably send this complaint to Segway ASAP.
What I want to know is what's going to stop a car from running into it?
Gee, I don't know, Rush. Perhaps the person driving the car?! Will somebody please shake this man?
*Debbie Schlussel is wearing a hand-died baby's onesie by Maggie's Functional Organics. Probably.