Anti-Feminist Dating Service: Mel Gibson

Guess who's back on the market? Mel Gibson! Yeah! Mel Gibson the movie star! And, I assume, future Just For Men spokesman! And I just can't believe that anybody would let this guy get away, because he really knows how to make a gal feel special. Here's Mel pitching woo to his lady, who just doesn't seem to appreciate his colorful imagination.

You look like a fucking pig in heat, and if you get raped by a pack of niggers, it will be your fault.

Poetry. The only thing that would make this hotter is if instead of just wishing rape on a potential mate, he'd quit beating around the bush and threaten to rape her himself.

I am going to come and burn the house down, but you will blow me first.

That's the spot. And now that's he's under investigation for domestic violence, I'm sure his phone will be very busy. So if you're a lady lawyer, Mel could be verbally assaulting you in no time.

Anti-Feminist Dating Service: Senator Jon Kyl

This is Jon Kyl. He's a Republican Senator from the great state of Arizona, so you know he has a stable well-paying government job. Very hot. And he's a real man's man. When debating health care reform, he makes sure no one thinks he's a lady:

I don't need maternity care.

See, he's not like those pussy guys who need maternity care. He's a real man. A real honest man:

So requiring that on my insurance policy is something that I don't need and will make the policy more expensive.

*swoon* What a bad boy! If you want to find out if he's as selfish a lover as he is a human being, give him a call. I'm sure he'd love to hear from you.

Anti-Feminist Dating Service: Phil Kidd

Hey, ladies. Say hello to Reverend Phil Kidd. Now shut up! Why? Because Reverend Kidd believes there are some times when women need to shut up, and if you want this guy to love you, you don't want to turn him off by speaking. And if you think it's just your voice that Kidd is concerned with, you're dead wrong, ladies. He's such a great guy, and he cares about the world so much, he needs to protect the world from the horrors of lady self-expression, such as

Wearing pants,

Singing,

Bob haircuts, and

Helping children (because it turns them gay)

He's also a tender fellow. Just look at the way he's holding that woman in the picture. He's protecting her from floating away. After all, gravity is just a theory.

So if you want to spend a very quiet life with Reverend Kidd, give him a call, and say nothing when he picks up.

Anti-Feminist Dating Service: Dov Charney

This is Dov Charney. Hey, Dov! He's quite the catch, and yet he's in total need of my dating service. Wha?! Let's look at his resume: 

• He's the founder of American Apparel, so he gots money.
  
• His mustache is connected to his sideburns. 
  
• He's spectacular at math.

Seriously, people. He's a stats whiz. Check out this gem from a 2004 interview that has recently been making its way through the feminist blogosphere.

Women initiate most domestic violence, yet out of a thousand cases of domestic violence maybe one is involving a man.

Can you believe he did all that math in his head? Yes, Dov is a quick one. And to think the U.S. Department of Justice probably used SPSS to come up with totally different data. What a waste of time! So if you're looking for a statistician, or just a good time, give Dov a call.

Anti-Feminist Dating Service: Dennis Prager

Say hello to Dennis Prager. Hi, Dennis *wink*! This 60-year-old conservative commentator knows women. I mean, he has been married twice. Divorced twice, too. Probably because he's just so in-your-face. He apparently hasn't enjoyed a movie in 20 years, and he likes to stand in front of trees, I guess (seriously, what's up with the background in that photo?). But that's not what makes Dennis so hot. He just can't get enough of that marital rape. But he's real polite about it. When his woman says "not tonight," he doesn't tell her "fuck you." He says, "Fuck me!" This man's been divorced twice? Fuck me! And he totally believes in equality. He supports both men and women contributing to society -- men by going to work every day, and women by being raped by their husbands. Are you swooning yet? I know I am! Or maybe my brain stem just died on me. So if you don't want to date Dennis Prager, you're just his type! Lucky every woman!

Anti-Feminist Dating Service: Matthew Chancey

This guy must be doing something right if he has inspired a new segment at [A] Funny Feminist. Introducing Anti-Feminist Dating Service, where you can review the manliest men on Earth. In fact, this manly man above just earned himself the Old Spice Man of the Year Award. Swoon! Here he is -- Matthew Chancey.

Matthew Chancey, 32, is a total man's man. He's no metrosexual pansy boy. Blue socks with brown shoes? What a nightmare in coordination! One man's fashion faux pas is a manly man's proof of hardcore manliness. His hobbies include swing dancing, keeping chickens, and rifle wielding. And now that he's Old Spice's Man of the Year, he's got money, honey, and a supply of Old Spice products to boot. Oh la la! Tres chic! And if that doesn't make you want to rip your panties off, he's also a Christian Reconstructionist, a political movement that is anti-suffrage and believes in women's submission to their husbands. He is married, though, to the ultimate woman, the creator of Ladies Against Feminism and all things modern. But I'm sure a manly man like Matthew Chancey would totally go for some submissive young tail on the side. Who's up for some unprotected sex through a hole in the sheet? So on your next hot date, don't just take a chance -- take a Matthew Chancey!