New Poll Shows 94% of Lou Dobbs Viewers Don't Use Their Brains

And Lou Dobbs wasn't even on tonight. To answer the question "Why were you watching Lou Dobbs," my mother left the remote on the other side of the room when she went to take a shower, and she was watching Nancy Grace beforehand. Then I was looking at dogs on Petfinder and not paying much attention. But I did pay attention to this ridiculous poll question Dobbs' substitute posited. After reporting a story about a minor disagreement between two coworkers over displaying a giant American flag in a small workplace, this poll was posted on the Lou Dobbs website.

Do you think Americans should be able to display the American flag wherever and whenever they want?

There is a correct answer to this question. 94% said yes, Americans should be able to display the American flag wherever and whenever they want.

WRONG!

Really? Wherever and whenever? So Americans should be able to display the American flag on their car windshields? Americans should be able to display the American flag on an elephant's backside? Americans should be able to display the American flag tightly around the face of their child?

Take Action Monday on Wednesday

I forgot to post on Monday, so here are the links today. Hope everyone had a wonderful Memorial Day and remembered the people who sacrifice their health and lives to help Americans and others. And even though some military presence and actions hurt more than they help, that's more the fault of selfish policy makers than the soldiers themselves.

Pledge to overturn Proposition 8 in California.

Get your FREE "I support gay marriage" sticker from Credo.

Demand that Republican leaders decry Rush Limbaugh's racism.

Urge President Obama to help all children gain a quality basic education.

Support the Initiating Foreign Assistance Reform Act of 2009.

Hold KBR/Halliburton accountable.

Support an independent Truth Commission to investigate any torture at Guantanmo Bay.

The Funny & the Fucked Up

The Funny:

Speak for me, Ron Reagan, because I'm way too nice to say it:

Limbaugh hasn't had a natural erection since the Nixon Administration; think he's compensating for something? Now, I wouldn't pick on him for any of this stuff, not his blubbiness, not his man-boobs, not his inability to have a natural erection—none of that stuff—to me, off limits until! until! Mr. Limbaugh, you turn that sort of gun on somebody else—once you start doing that, you're fair game, fat boy. Absolutely, you jiggly pile of mess. You're just fair game, and you're going to get it, too.

The Fucked Up:

NBC cancelled My Name is Earl?!?!?!?! Ugh!

Two Mini Rants

Mini Rant 1: Learn what petite means.

I went shopping for new jeans the other day. I'm short, so the hardest part about finding jeans is getting them in the right length. So I go to the petite section in Macy's and they have the nerve to put jeans on this rack like ten feet above my head. Is that supposed to be funny? I was in the petite section! What the hell are clothes doing all the way up there? After grabbing every pair of jeans in my size I could find, I head for the dressing room. And, of course, none of them fit. All of those petite jeans were too LONG. What the fuck? When the hell does "short" mean "for women who are 5'7"? I'm almost 5'2". I'm not a hobbit, damn it!

Then I got real desperate and went into Old Navy, a store with which I have ethical issues, because they have jeans with short lengths. Oh, but guess what? They don't make jeans with a 30" inseam in sizes 0-2. But they have size 20 pants with 30" inseams! So I either have to be 6 feet tall and weigh 100 pounds or be 5 feet tall and weigh 300 pounds. Isn't normal good enough anymore?

Mini Rant 2: Honking your horn at me when I'm walking down the street is not a pick-up line.

When I'm walking down the street, don't fucking honk at me. What do you think? "Hey, if I honk at that girl, she'll see that I have a (wait for it) car! Then she'll be mine!" I have a car too, douche. I'm not impressed with the fact that you have a car that has a functioning horn. Because horns come standard on all vehicles now.

Finally! A Chocolate Bar for Women . . . .

to throw in a public pool!

Take Action Monday on Tuesday

I was too sleepy yesterday after work to post the TAM, so here it is today!

Support comprehensive healthcare coverage for all Americans, especially children.

Tell President Obama to repeal "Don't ask, don't tell."

Demand Governor Rendell speak out against Luis Ramirez's death.

Support the Youth PROMISE Act.

Urge President Obama to act to save lives in Sri Lanka.

Help empower Afghan women.

WTF: Facebook Quiz Edition

So I was just reading the stalkery news feed on my Facebook homepage, and one of my friends from high school took a quiz called What is Your Actual Ethnicity. If that wasn't WTF enough, her results were African American, and the explanation of the results go thusly:

You're a very independent person who knows what they want in life. You have reasonable skill in sports, you're tall and attractive. You like to get down to the basics, go hunting with the boys, run around in tall grasses, etc... You're very dedicated to your friends--your group.

Really? "Run around in tall grasses?" I mean, not that the other stereotypes aren't offensive, but at least they're actual stereotypes. Where the hell did "run around in tall grasses" come from? And "chucking spears at the po-po" would have just sent me over the top.

UPDATE: Here are my results:

Asian: You're super smart, good with computers and cars, love seafood and wearing colorful robes. You are very strict with your traditions and you keep close contact with your family.

Again, WTF??? I seriously can't stop laughing at how racist/inaccurate this is. I think I just have to take this quiz again.

UPDATE: I took the quiz again, this time, putting in my second choice answers. Seriously, if you get offended easily, stay as far away from this quiz as possible.

American: You're a free and independent thinker. You like to make the rules and then switch them up every so often. Change is key. You take pride in almost everything you have, say, or do, and are always looking for the new and improved. You're open to lots of new ideas but are closed to the idea of doing your own work to accomplish your goals.

*sigh* I need to go eat fish in my colorful robe now.

How Human Events Will Kill Young Republicans

If the Republicans are really trying to open their arms to a younger crowd and distance themselves from the crotchety old dudes that the party is really all about, they're doing a very shitty job.

Conservative rag Human Events is giving away a new book called The Ultimate Man's Survival Guide. Here's what this book will teach American guys:

It gives young men what they need to become not effete "metrosexuals" skilled at the ins and outs of high fashion and cocktail chat, but well-rounded men who can fight off bears and alligators, create a tourniquet out of a t-shirt, set a dislocated joint, rescue a drowning person—and pick the perfect cigar and bottle of wine.

No book, especially one that's being given away buy Human Events for free, is going to adequately teach a young Republican how to successfully beat an alligator or a bear in a fight. But if this book inspires more young Republicans to pick fights with wild animals, then that'll just be OK.

via Pandagon

Anti-Feminist Dating Service: Phil Kidd

Hey, ladies. Say hello to Reverend Phil Kidd. Now shut up! Why? Because Reverend Kidd believes there are some times when women need to shut up, and if you want this guy to love you, you don't want to turn him off by speaking. And if you think it's just your voice that Kidd is concerned with, you're dead wrong, ladies. He's such a great guy, and he cares about the world so much, he needs to protect the world from the horrors of lady self-expression, such as

Wearing pants,

Singing,

Bob haircuts, and

Helping children (because it turns them gay)

He's also a tender fellow. Just look at the way he's holding that woman in the picture. He's protecting her from floating away. After all, gravity is just a theory.

So if you want to spend a very quiet life with Reverend Kidd, give him a call, and say nothing when he picks up.

Take Action Monday

Urge your representatives to support the Community Choice Act for seniors.

Help end heat related deaths on farms in California.

Tell FOX to stop cropping the news.

Support abolishing nuclear weapons.

Help expand UNICEF funding.

Stop plans to mine for uranium in the Grand Canyon.

Demand that Luis Ramirez' murder be prosecuted as a federal hate crime.

Help children gain access to quality basic education.

What's Hanging from Your Liberty Tree?

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Sean Hannity's Liberty Tree
colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Gay Marriage

I got the idea for my new poll from Thursday night's The Colbert Report. So what's hanging from your Liberty Tree?

WTF: Jesus License Plate Edition

Because nothing says "sunshine" quite like Jesus' crucifixion.

Funny Mother's Day Video

MoveOn.org made another funny customizable video; this time, it's for the great moms in our lives. Just type in the name of your mom, grandma, godmother -- any lady you'd call mom if only she pushed you out of her vagina -- and send it away by this Sunday.

Just Point and Laugh

Great Britian released part of a list of people that are banned from entering the country. There are some pretty uncool people on that list. Two of them are right-wing hate-monger (am I being redundant?) Michael Savage and homophobic pastor (again, am I?) Fred Phelps. Now, I'm not saying what Great Britain is doing is right. But I do think it's pretty hilarious. And it's better than those two being banned from leaving the country.

Take Action Monday

Support microfinance opportunities that help women get out of poverty.

Urge Sudan's allies to allow humanitarian groups to care for Darfuri refugees.

Tell your Senators to confirm Dawn Johnsen for assistant Attorney General.

Help restore protections for endangered species.

Demand justice for Black farmers.

Tell Congress to impeach Jay Bybee.

Urge President Obama to appoint a woman to the Supreme Court.

Take action against child marriage.

The Funny & the Fucked Up

The Funny:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	M - Th 11p / 10c
Grading Obama
thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Economic Crisis First 100 Days

The Daily Show's Larry Wilmore rates President Obama's first 100 days, and he's not happy.

And here are the latest [A] Funny Poll results:

Would you teabag President Obama?

Yes indeed: 0 votes

No way: 1 vote

*unintelligible*: 4 votes

I'll put up a new poll once I think of a question.

The Fucked Up:

Rep. Virginia Foxx (R-NC) calls the story of Matthew Sheperd's murder a hoax, despite all evidence to the contrary. Then, she apologizes for her "poor word choice," not for the fact that she doesn't have her shit straight.

A Little Bit of Both:

Carrie "Opposite Marriage" Prejean becomes the spokes-darling for the National Organization for Marriage (for some people). Here she is reading at Ron Burgundy level and not knowing when to stop answering questions. Unfortunately, nobody asked Miss Prejean that if she thinks she lost the Miss USA pageant because of her views on marriage equality, does that mean Miss South Carolina from the 2007 Miss Teen USA pageant lost because of her views on international map availability? Seriously, access to marriage and maps are both extremely controversial issues in this country. But I'd just like to tell Miss Prejean that she didn't lose because of her opposition to gay marriage. She lost because she has love handles. Come on, this is a beauty pageant we're talking about.

And to update, the purse and bag that were stolen from my house on Monday morning were found by neighbors and returned on Friday. All the was stolen then was my mother's wallet.