Thursday, February 26, 2009

You Think Feminists Are Humorless?

The anti-feminists are way more humorless.

Jesus' General and North Dakota legislator Chuck Damschen are in a war of words over North Dakota's recent vote to give zygotes more rights than the women they're squatting in. Jesus' General is trying to organize a Billion Spermatozoan-American March to raise awareness for the rights of sperm cells. He invited Damschen to this revolutionary event, but he was turned down. Here are some highlights from the exchange, including Damschen's full response:

JG: Congratulations on the passage of your bill granting full civil-rights to zygote-Americans. It's a great start, but we both know it is only that, a start. Trillions upon trillions of our spermatazoan-American brothers continue to be murdered every hour in our nation. This tubesock holocaust must end . . . .
A law is needed to ensure that spermatazoan-Americans are cared for after their liberation. The law doesn't need to be burdensome--it should simply require men to liberate their spermatazoan-Americans into a mason jar they keep in a cool place (I use my cellar) until it can be transferred to a federally-funded Christian housing facility (built with stimulus money).
But as you know, it's very difficult to pass that kind of legislation. People just don't grasp the seriousness of the spermatazoan-Americans' plight. We need to raise public awareness, like African-Americans did in the Sixties with their March on Washington.
And that's what I'm thinking we should do--we should have a Spermatazoan-American March on Washington. But it needs to be big. It needs to be a Billion Spermatazon-American March on Washington . . . .
I'd like to get together with you to plan this out in a bit more detail and, perhaps, get a little practice time in. Please let me know when you're available.

CD: When you get a chance, study up on the facts of life concerning how neither egg nor sperm develop life by themselves - the sperm has to fertilize the egg to begin the first stage of life - conception. No life has ever fully developed without first completing this stage. The body develops for approximately 9 months before leaving the womb and then develops for 9 -13 years to puberty, then continues to develop further and reaches adulthood by about the age of 18 -21 years, perhaps later in your case. If you destroy the developing body at any of these stages, development ceases and it dies. Taking the life of this developing person at its most helpless, defenseless stage of development while inside or partially inside the womb is called abortion. Now you've received more of an answer than deserved. Read it carefully several times until you grasp the understanding of how and when life begins and how and when it ends.

What a killjoy that Damschen is! Doesn't he see that Jesus' General was just trying to be funny, using the same pro-life (il)logic as Damschen? I swear. A funny feminist needs a humorless misogynist like Bill Goldberg needs a bicycle. Or something like that.

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