Take Action Monday on Tuesday

I didn't post my Take Action segment yesterday because someone broke into my house early Monday morning. Can you believe that? They broke in through a window that was accidentally left open. That's probably the third time in 18 years that we left a window on the first floor open, and somebody breaks in! They didn't take much. They stole my mother's purse and another bag that she takes to work that's full of paperwork. And although my mother and brother were very mad at our dog for not preventing the break-in (nobody said Labs were great watch dogs anyway), I think he scared the burglar off. Our back storm door was left wide open, which indicates that the burglar was preparing to steal some big stuff. However, our televisions, my mother's iPod, our Bose stereo, our DVD player, and our computer weren't stolen. None of those things looked like they were even touched. So I think our dog was sleeping outside our bedroom doors and didn't hear the window open. But he ran downstairs when he heard the back door open and scare away whoever was trying to steal from us. He might have growled and let out a few warning barks, which we wouldn't have heard from our bedrooms. And by the time the dog got downstairs, the burglar was probably already gone. So I think my pooch did good. Anyway . . . .

Support the Global Food Security Act.

Call for the release of Roxana Saberi.

Tell Congress to vote against increased war funding.

Support the free speech of federal scientists.

Help confirm Kathleen Sebelius. 

Urge the President and Congress to investigate torture.

Support international family planning funding.

5 Words You Need to Use to Win at Feministing

There's a little bit of a blog war between Feministing and Voz_Latina over anti-trans/cis-centered comments left by Feministing users in posts about trans issues. Honestly, I don't think bloggers are responsible for the people who comment. They're only responsible for what they write. But that's not really the point. No one's going to argue that the editors at Feministing sufficiently report on trans issues, because they don't. This wouldn't be a problem if they didn't update their blog 80 times a day and pass themselves off as all-inclusive. But anyway . . . .

Feministing has fixed their trans issue comment problem. They've issued a moratorium on comments in posts about trans issues. Because there's nothing worse than having a discussion about things that all of us could understand better. But there are still a few words you're allowed to use without getting banned or yelled at. Five words to be exact, and I guarantee that if you use any of these words or their derivatives, in any context, no less than 10 people will click "I liked this comment." 

1. Objectification

2. Privilege

3. Heteronormative

4. Cisexist

5. Othering

I can hear you now. "But, Emily. I don't really know what any of these words mean. How can I pwn in the Feministing community without knowing what the fuck I'm talking about?" The beauty of this system is that you don't have to know what these words mean or what the fuck you're talking about, because very few of the people who are reading the comments know what these words mean or what the fuck they're talking about. You just have to use these words, and people will like your comment to make sure they're not othering you in their own privileged, objectifying way.

Take Action Monday

Take a stand against climate change.

Inform Congress of insurance company deception.

Help stop discriminatory sentencing in drug cases.

Support clemency for Troy Davis.

Demand that torturers are prosecuted.

Tell your Congressperson to support the Matthew Shepherd Act.

Promote democracy and peace in Afghanistan.

"Ah, POOP! You never let us down!"

I wasn't expecting the wingnuts who took a day off of work to attend the TEA parties to be the smartest bunch of Americans. But I didn't know there were still people out there who don't know what POOP stands for!




No, lady. This is what POOP stands for.

A Message to Right-Wingers

Sometimes, a name is just a name. It's not like our names are our destiny. Alright, I do think about it sometimes. Like, Simon Cowell is kind of a mean guy, and if you take his first initial and his last name, it spells "Scowell" which sounds like "scowl". But I just see it as a fun thing. I don't really believe that Simon Cowell was destined to be a guy who scowls a lot on American Idol because of the name thing. But wingnuts don't see it this way. Remember this?




And remember all the "omigod! his middle name is Hussein! He must have something to do with Saddam Hussein!" BS that I don't have to link to here because everyone remembers it?

Well, it seems like this is an actual right-wing tactic.

Kel Munger of the Sacramento News & Review posted about how there were very few people of color at the TEA Party in Sacramento. A very angry lady named Liz had this to say:

I don’t know whether you’re some kind of hate monger … maybe goes with your last name, Munger.

And maybe Liz likes lizards because her name is Liz and the first three letters of "lizard" are L-I-Z. Or maybe she eats them! Or maybe she gave birth to one! Or maybe she is one! Oh no! Watch out for the Lizard Woman of Sacramento! George W. Bush was right about stem cell research after all!

[A] Funny Poll Results, and a New Poll

Before I post the new poll, here are the results of the last [A] Funny Poll.

How can Rush Limbaugh make you like him?

Pay me to kick him in the nuts: 23% (6 votes)

Sell his golden mic and donate the money to NOW: 7% (2 votes)

Move to a planet outside our solar system: 7% (2 votes)

Never speak again: 26% (7 votes)

He can't do anything to win me over, but I'd like to watch him struggle 15 votes (57%)

I was definitely part of the majority. And the next poll question is . . . .

Would you tea bag President Obama?

Take Action Monday

Support the global eradication of polio.

Thank the legislators in Vermont who support marriage equality.

Help reverse the effects of rising mercury levels on seals.

Support clean water for women everywhere.

Tell China to stop the executions of Tibetans.

Ask Congress to support energy efficiency.

Support prison system reform.

Stop sexual assault in the military.

Tell Iowa to support marriage equality.

Defend Michelle Obama's organic garden from pesticide lobbyists.

BREAKING NEWS: Rush Limbaugh is an Unattractive Woman

Feminism was established so as to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream of society. It's proved practically every day in our modern culture.

Which can only mean one thing. Rush Limbaugh is an unattractive woman. And he only says "practically every day" because he takes a day off every once in a while.



via Media Matters

Important Questions, Conservative Wingnuts!

Asking questions is a sign of deep thought. And since conservative pundits aren't really into thinking, they don't ask the smartest questions. But they do ask important questions, and by "important questions," I mean they ask really ridiculous questions that I will then make fun of. 

First, Debbie Schlussel, who is . . . somebody asked a very important question after President Obama told an audience in Turkey that he is one of many Americans who has lived in a predominantly Muslim nation and has Muslim family members:

[B]ut which "one of them?"

BOTH, YOU MORON! He lived in Indonesia and has Muslim family members! Now answer me this, Debbie Schlussel. 

How can you be a conservative and wear tie-dye? Pick a side, lady!*

Next comes a very important question posed by Rush Limbaugh. Today he talked about the PUMA by Segway. It's like a cross between a regular Segway and the Pope Mobile, except unlike the Pope Mobile, the PUMA senses cars and people and moves out of the way automatically (now that's infallibility!). This is just a prototype, and there are undoubtedly some kinks to work out. Rush will probably send this complaint to Segway ASAP.

What I want to know is what's going to stop a car from running into it?

Gee, I don't know, Rush. Perhaps the person driving the car?! Will somebody please shake this man?

*Debbie Schlussel is wearing a hand-died baby's onesie by Maggie's Functional Organics. Probably.

Take Action Monday

Help get the Dalai Lama a visa to enter South Africa.

Urge your Representative to pass comprehensive hate crimes legislation.

Ask President Obama to regulate carbon emissions.

End "corrective rape" of lesbians in South Africa.

Ask Secretary of State Clinton why the U.S. continues to supply weapons to Israel.

Demand that medical errors be publicized and prevented.

Tell Foreign Affairs Chairman Howard Berman to make foreign aid more effective in fighting poverty.

The Funny Stuff

Third week in a row of just funny stuff!



This is a hilarious video of actual things fundamentalist Christians have said. The quotes are from Fundies Say the Darndest Things*



Joe the Pretend Plumber hopes the mainstream media doesn't make this inquisitive blogger as famous as the mainstream media made Joe the Pretend Plumber.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	M - Th 11p / 10c
Borderline Cops
comedycentral.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Economic Crisis Political Humor

On a slow news day after a week-long vacation, The Daily Show goes with the cash cow of comedy: The Minute Men!

And, the trailer we've all been waiting for . . . .




That was TOTALLY Ron Paul!




*When I typed that into Goolge, it said "Did you mean 'undies say the dandiest things?'"

Important Question, OneVike!

Some blogger called OneVike railed against the lady vote, saying that we're slipping down an emotional slope lubed up with tears because of the 19th Amendment. They ask this very important question:

It is this very emotional kind of feelings that is getting Americans to go along with Global Warming? Think about it?

Well, that's a no-brainer. The answer is obviously, Always listen to your lady teacher when she's teaching you grammar!

Take Action Monday

Tell Senator Arlen Spector to allow the Senate to vote on the Employee Free Choice Act.

Ask Attorney General Holder to appoint an independent prosecutor to investigate torture.

Help prevent another Exxon Valdez oil spill.

Tell your governors to take dog fighting seriously.

Support the REAL Act and comprehensive sex education.

Tell Congress to pass a strong climate bill.

Support action towards a nuclear weapons-free world.

Tell advertisers to stop supporting Bill O'Reilly's harassment.

Check out the 25 ways to use your blog for social change.

The Funny and the Fucked Up (Mostly Funny Stuff, Though)

The Funny



Pope condoms! I'm still not sure whether these are more or less effective than Trojans. The Pope believes that condoms spread HIV, so of course his brand would need to suck in order for the prophecy to be self-fulfilled. But I think the Pope's face on a rubber is enough to kill the romance.



Portia de Rossi apologizes for marry Ellen DeGeneres on Jimmy Kimmel Live.

The following videos have nothing to do with anything, but they're still funny. Enjoy these infomercial parodies:







A Little Bit of Both

Alan Keyes' latest hydrophobic rant is against Norte Dame for inviting President Obama to speak at this year's commencement. We get it, Keyes. Now that Barack Obama is the President and Michael Steele is the head of the Republican Party, you're the other other Black guy. You're a notch below Tracy Morgan when he was on Saturday Night Live. It's a sucky place, but it's yours now. Anyway, I wouldn't suggest reading the whole thing. The three paragraphs posted at Pandagon were enough to make me cry.

I'm Funnier Than Rush

Yes, I am. It's not much of an accomplishment, but I think it could pad my resume. 

Rush Limbaugh attempted to make a joke on his show today. This is what I think happened. His first thought was "I'm going to tell a joke." Then, mid-joke-telling, probably due to chronic drug abuse, he totally forgot that anyone listening to him might be expecting to laugh after he finished speaking. And therefore . . . .

The old joke is this: God is watching The Oprah Winfrey Show, and he's just had it, 'cause he figures the human race -- and then he heard about Obama being invited at commencement speech at Notre Dame. He says, "That's just -- Notre Dame is inviting somebody who believes in infanticide to give the commencement speech? The most anti-life president in the history of the country and Notre Dame extends a commencement invite?" God, watching that and the Oprah show, says it's over. Humanity has failed. I have to step in. I'm going to end the world.

Buh-dum ching!

WTF: Joe the Plumber Edition

To answer the question on everyone's mind: Yes, some people still care what Joe the Plumber has to say. There's an organization that still cares about Joe the Plumber, and that organization is popular enough to fill a room of people who want to listen to Joe the Plumber speak. And if that wasn't nutty enough, some of them actually care about whether or not he is currently experiencing sexual arousal. I know all of this because Joe the Plumber uttered the following sentence in front of a group of people at an event sponsored by the Media Research Center:

I'm horny.

Well, that clear podium isn't gonna hide anything.

via Pandagon

Take Action Monday

Urge your Senators to support the Serve America Act and provide national service opportunities for all generations.

Speak out to overturn the HHS refusal rule.

Support the bill to end Canada's commercial seal hunt.

Speak out against mountaintop coal mining.

Tell President Obama and Congress to halt the surge of American troops to Afghanistan.

Ask Congress to reform the Bush Administration's costly and ineffective immigration policies.

Tell Congress to work on healthcare reform.

Urge Congress to keep Citigroup from using bailout money to pay anti-middle class lobbyists.

Demand that governors accept stimulus funding and help the people who need it.

Tell the federal Minerals Management Service to halt all new drilling in the Arctic seas.

Tell Governor Schwarzenegger to make sure protections for farm workers are enforced.

So Not Funny, President Obama!

President Obama isn't a very good bowler. He's also not good at making jokes. Last night on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, the President made this tacky joke about his lack of bowling skills:

Leno: Now, are they going to put a basketball -- I imagine the bowling alley has been just burned and closed down.

Obama: No, no. I have been practicing all -- (laughter.)

Leno: Really? Really?

Obama: I bowled a 129. (Laughter and applause.)

Leno: No, that's very good. Yes. That's very good, Mr. President.

Obama: It's like -- it was like Special Olympics, or something. (Laughter.)

Leno: No, that's very good.

Obama: No, listen, I'm making progress on the bowling, yes.

Leave the jokes to Leno. Or maybe not, since he's not that funny either.

I'm pretty sure the conservative pundits are going to be all over this. And while they really have no right to criticize the President's comments, I'd still love to hear what Rush and Michael Savage have to say.

UPDATE: via Media Matters, here was Rush's reaction. Real rich!

Mini Rant: Dora is a Cartoon. She Doesn't Have to be Practical

I'm still Dora, damn it!

Is it me, or is there a lot of needless pearl-clutching over the new look for Dora the Explorer? What surprises me most are the comments about Dora's outfit. Veronica at Viva la Feminista says, "Yes, they are cute, but they are not adventurous shoes." Alex Alvarez of Gunabee predicts, "Her Limited Too tunic is totally going to get caught on a fence mid-environmental rally." Both commentators make some good points about Dora's revamping, so why mention the clothes? She looks like the average 11 or 12 year old of today.

But she's also a cartoon. Why does she have to be practical? Maybe we should ask Boots, her talking blue monkey friend, what's sensible for a 12-year-old to wear while she's going on adventures in the Amazon. The whole show is a fantasy. That's the point! She's a cartoon. Are people seriously going to worry about girls learning that they can go exploring with ribbons on their tunics on a show that could be teaching our kids (keep in mind, our really dumb kids) that befriending wild animals is totally safe? Give me a break, people.

Mini Rant: Give It a Rest, TLC!

TLC is premiering yet another series about families with a zillion kids. This one's called Table for 12. It's about a family with two sets of twins and sextuplets. I don't think I have to tell you what color they are, or what the mother does for a living. Please, TLC. Stop it already. Or at least make a show called "16 Kids, 14 Fathers."