Take Action Monday

Protect endangered tigers from logging in Indonesia.

Tell CNBC: Listen to Jon Stewart and report the news.

Learn more about pharmacy refusals of birth control.

Tell Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner and Congress to do whatever it takes to get our bailout money back from AIG.

Tell Bank of America and CitiGroup to stop spending bailout money on Wal-Mart lobbyists.

Tell Congress to pass strong climate legislation now.

Urge the Senate to give relief to struggling homeowners.

Tell the Sudanese government to allow aid groups back into Darfur.

Help protect our forests.

Do My Job for Me, Easy Curves!

You know what would make this commercial even better?




Billy Mays. He's a pretty big boob, but he could be bigger.

Just Funny Stuff

No fucked up stuff today. Just funny stuff.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

The First First Lady Fashion Show

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things w/ Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Jim Cramer

Kristen Schaal from The Daily Show puts on a fashion show for Michelle Obama.

Bishop's Gay - watch more funny videos

This is just as dumb as using "gay" when you really mean "stupid." But it is funnier.

Parenting tips via Pandagon. But there are those days when I wonder if this book should be moved from "Humor" to "Reference."

A Funny Poll Results

I had a poll going on for a while, and now it's officially closed. I realized that the first to options can be interpreted the same way, but it was too late to change it because someone already voted. Here are the results:

WHEN YOU CALL SOMEONE A DICKHEAD, WHAT ARE YOU REALLY TELLING THEM?

They have a dick for a head 16 (50%)
They have a dick instead of a head 10 (31%)
They're the head of a dick 6 (18%)



The first one was supposed to be "They have a dick on their head," which is totally different from what I actually put, and it makes me wonder what my problem was that day.

Mini Rant: Your Efforts to be Right Makes You Sound Insane

Women, feminist women especially, hear my call. You don't have to be right all the damn time. Sometimes, it's nice to be wrong. When you have this long-standing belief that makes you feel like shit and like the world is against you, it feels wonderful to be proven wrong. But it seems like some people still feel the need to be "right," by which I mean wrong, since they're holding on to a belief that is based on things that might have been true at one point in time or were never true in the first place. Instead of relieving themselves of this oppressive burden, they choose to remain oppressed just so that they can be "right." Case in point (I feel like this isn't going to be a mini rant after all). 

Feministing has been publishing some anti-fashion posts lately from their community bloggers. As someone who shops like a fiend, I get pissed off with this supposedly basic feminist gripe with fashion. These posts become a breeding ground for those who believe there are no clothes on earth that look and feel good for them and that everyone else in the world, especially the skinny ladies, have wonderfully amazing experiences with shopping and fashion. As a skinny lady, I know this to be false. Shopping is tough for everybody and, like anything, it takes some hard work to find clothes that work for your shape. It doesn't matter if you're tall, short, plus-sized, or petite, we all have to put in some effort to make our clothes look great. The good news is that your efforts will pay off. But you wouldn't know that by reading what some of these feminists had to say about "mom jeans." After reading the good news that I spread about shopping being sort of an ordeal for everybody but there's great stuff out there for women of all sizes, people had to save face by holding on to their irrational belief that they're freakish and that the fashion industry is horrible and that I have it much easier as a thin person than they do as a fat person. In other words, they just reinforce the fallacies that the people who want them to feel bad about their bodies have been telling them they're whole lives. In other words, there's no use in holding on to this belief unless you value being "right" over feeling good about yourself, which is something that only people with a serious mental illness do.

Exhibit two. Someone asks if high heels are oppressive or empowering. I say neither, and I squash the rumor that heels are uncomfortable. I have several pairs of heels that are comfortable, and it doesn't take much effort to find them. I even suggested wedges and platforms, which are way more comfortable than stillettos and still give height. Pure wisdom, right? Not for the feminists who believe they must be uncomfortable at all times so that they can prove to the world that women are forced to wear stuff that makes them feel like shit! I didn't get the memo that women are pressured to wear shoes and garments that hurt. I'm glad I didn't. Or maybe I did but I threw it in the trash. And then the women in this thread went through my trash, read that memo, and thought it was a good idea to live by it, against the better judgment that their feminism allows them to exercise without feeling like a jerk. You know, the better judgment that liberated women have that they use when it's convenient and abandon when it's time to prove why they're feminists in the first place. The better judgment that I use to look good and feel comfortable and not blame uncomfortable shoes and ill-fitting clothes on The Man instead of my own choices. Because apparently there's so little evidence to support our belief in gender equality that we need to make shit up to talk about. All in the effort to be "right," though, which is more important than anything else.

Someone in the high heels thread actually claimed that I believe that people aren't influenced by society when making their clothing decisions, despite saying nothing of the sort (refer to the serious mental illness bit above). If there's anything that should hurt more than heels, it's definitely picking a lie that gigantic out of your own ass. Anyway, there are plenty of people who base their clothing choices solely on what the powers that be expect them to wear. That's one trend I don't follow. It's not worth it. My clothing decisions are based on my body and mind. I've looked at myself closely in the mirror with just my undies on many times. I've noticed some things about it. I love my body a lot, even though there's a lot to it that people probably would want me to hate. Too bad for them though. I put on clothes that look good on me, and I get them altered if need be to really look my best. I feel great and look great. Pretty neat. Not to someone who calls themselves a feminist but still insists that people who take time to look great can't possibly make these clothing decisions based on anything but the patriarchy. If I did dress myself according to what the powers that be want me to, there would be a lot of things I would be doing at the expense of looking and feeling my best:

• I'd be stuffing my 34 A bra. But I don't. I don't buy padded bras either, unless I can take the padding out. Taking the padding out of a 34 A. That's empowering
• I'd be wearing skinny jeans. But I don't. I've tried them on, and they're really made for women who don't have much in the hip area. That's not me, so I don't wear them.
• I'd be wearing maxi dresses. But I don't. Maxi dresses are for women who are taller than average. I'm only 5'2", so to-the-floor dresses would make me look even shorter. That's not what I want, and it's not worth looking like an elf for the sake of a trend.
• I would try to gain weight so that people would stop calling me anorexic or complimenting me for the weight that's due to my genes.
• After gaining some weight, I'd try to lose that weight based on other people telling me that I looked better the other way.
• I would hate my body and my very self. 

But there are women out there, feminist women even, who prefer to look and feel like shit in order to validate their beliefs. They also prefer to try to make the feminists who disagree with them feel like shit. They try to take advantage of the fact that most women are unhappy with themselves, but don't realize that they're talking to someone who is very satisfied with herself (thank you feminism!). It makes no sense. Is it better to be "right" than to be sane? I enjoy being both.

WTF: Shampoo Edition

I got this Herbal Essences "body envy" shampoo and used it for the first time today. Even though directions on all shampoos are generally the same, I decided to read the directions on this bottle of shampoo, just to make sure I didn't have to repeat or whatever. Well, it's a good thing shampoos generally work the same way, because these directions would have confused the crap out of any poor soul who didn't know how to use shampoo.

use me: work your hair into a lather-frenzy. rinse and repeat -- are you full yet?

I think my shampoo just came on to me . . . .

Take Action Monday on Tuesday

Last week must have been pretty humorless, because I didn't update!

Tell your members of Congress to support the Employee Free Choice Act.

Urge your Senators to include family planning funding in the new budget.

Tell your Senators to support a strong mortgage modification bill.

Support civil marriage in Lebanon.

Tell President Obama to make fighting extreme poverty a priority.

Show your support of current research into the prevention and treatment of chronic child neglect.

Support paid parental lead.

WTF of the Day

Kansas is proposing adding an Equal Rights Amendment to their state constitution.

“Quality of rights under the law shall not be denied or abridged by the state or any of its political or taxing subdivisions on account of sex.”

Very simple. Straight forward. Innocuous. Something that everybody can get behind. Right? Not so much.

But Catholic and anti-abortion groups worry that an ERA could make it impossible for the state to restrict abortions or curtail Medicaid-funded abortions.

“If we allow it to pass, Kansans will wake up one day wondering how a right to unrestricted and taxpayer-funded abortion was smuggled into our constitution,” said Beatrice Swoopes, a lobbyist with the Kansas Catholic Conference.

WTF? Seriously, someone answer that one for me.

Take Action Monday

Hooray for snow day!!!

Thank President Obama for repealing the anti-choice HHS rule.

Tell Attorney General Holder that Karl Rove must testify, as per U.S. law when you're subpoenaed. Duh!

Help pass the Paycheck Fairness Act.

Tell President Obama to appoint a special envoy to the Congo.

Ask President Obama to allow human rights groups to investigate the prisons at Guantanamo Bay.

End forced labor in Florida (Yes, Florida, USA).

Join 1 Million Women and Families Strong for Healthcare Reform.

The Funny & the Fucked Up

The Funny

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Unusual Suspect

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things With Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Joke of the Day

Is President Obama more like Hitler or more like the rapture beast? You decide!



Gov. Bobby Jindal's rebuttal was brought to you by the letter K and the number 30, as in Kenneth the Page from 30 Rock.

The Fucked Up

A legislator in Colorado wishes HIV on babies. “What I’m hoping is that, yes, that person may have AIDS, have it seriously as a baby and when they grow up, but the mother will begin to feel guilt as a result of that,” he said. “The family will see the negative consequences of that promiscuity and it may make a number of people over the coming years begin to realize that there are negative consequences and maybe they should adjust their behavior.”

A website that sells wife beater tank tops gives discounts to customers who can prove they were convicted of domestic violence. That hurt to type. Luckily, the site has been shut down.

Rush Limbaugh Wants to Win You Back, Ladies

via La Fabuliste at the Feministing Community Blog

After learning that only 37% of women hold a favorable view of him, Rush Limbaugh wants to organize a summit to tell him what he must do to "close the gender gap" and "own the women." For starters, maybe he can stop trying to "own me." Here's how the summit went. I'd say it was an exercise in futility.

So what can Rush do to win you back, if you ever liked him in the first place? That's the new poll up there on the left. Leave any other suggestions in comments.

BREAKING NEWS: Joe Biden Forgets Something, Remembers It Two Seconds Later

Oh. My. God. Vice President Joe Biden couldn't remember the name of the website where we can check how the stimulus money is being spent. Then he remembered it's recovery.gov. If I knew before the election that he was going to have such a horrible memory, I would have voted for the VP candidate who doesn't know what the VP does.

You Think Feminists Are Humorless?

via Pandagon

The anti-feminists are way more humorless.

Jesus' General and North Dakota legislator Chuck Damschen are in a war of words over North Dakota's recent vote to give zygotes more rights than the women they're squatting in. Jesus' General is trying to organize a Billion Spermatozoan-American March to raise awareness for the rights of sperm cells. He invited Damschen to this revolutionary event, but he was turned down. Here are some highlights from the exchange, including Damschen's full response:

JG: Congratulations on the passage of your bill granting full civil-rights to zygote-Americans. It's a great start, but we both know it is only that, a start. Trillions upon trillions of our spermatazoan-American brothers continue to be murdered every hour in our nation. This tubesock holocaust must end . . . .
A law is needed to ensure that spermatazoan-Americans are cared for after their liberation. The law doesn't need to be burdensome--it should simply require men to liberate their spermatazoan-Americans into a mason jar they keep in a cool place (I use my cellar) until it can be transferred to a federally-funded Christian housing facility (built with stimulus money).
But as you know, it's very difficult to pass that kind of legislation. People just don't grasp the seriousness of the spermatazoan-Americans' plight. We need to raise public awareness, like African-Americans did in the Sixties with their March on Washington.
And that's what I'm thinking we should do--we should have a Spermatazoan-American March on Washington. But it needs to be big. It needs to be a Billion Spermatazon-American March on Washington . . . .
I'd like to get together with you to plan this out in a bit more detail and, perhaps, get a little practice time in. Please let me know when you're available.

CD: When you get a chance, study up on the facts of life concerning how neither egg nor sperm develop life by themselves - the sperm has to fertilize the egg to begin the first stage of life - conception. No life has ever fully developed without first completing this stage. The body develops for approximately 9 months before leaving the womb and then develops for 9 -13 years to puberty, then continues to develop further and reaches adulthood by about the age of 18 -21 years, perhaps later in your case. If you destroy the developing body at any of these stages, development ceases and it dies. Taking the life of this developing person at its most helpless, defenseless stage of development while inside or partially inside the womb is called abortion. Now you've received more of an answer than deserved. Read it carefully several times until you grasp the understanding of how and when life begins and how and when it ends.

What a killjoy that Damschen is! Doesn't he see that Jesus' General was just trying to be funny, using the same pro-life (il)logic as Damschen? I swear. A funny feminist needs a humorless misogynist like Bill Goldberg needs a bicycle. Or something like that.

Take Action Monday on Tuesday

Urge Secretary of State Hillary Clinton to immediately call for an investigation into Israel’s use of U.S. arms in Gaza, and to stop the war on women in the Congo.

Tell the president of Utah's Senate that homophobia, not LGBTQs, is the real threat.

Demand an investigation of Sheriff Joe Arpaio's unlawful behavior.

Tell President Obama not to send more troops to Afghanistan.

The GOP is SO Inclusive . . .

How inclusive are they?

They're so inclusive that they'll even pander to "one-armed midgets," who are apparently at the bottom rung of the social ladder in the GOP's view. It's "little people," Steele. Little people.

So Not Funny, Sean Delonas!

I'm a day late on this, but better late than never, right?

The New York Post printed this cartoon a couple of days ago, opposite a picture of President Obama signing the stimulus bill. Gee, real subtle, Murdoch. 

This cartoon is totally racist and is part of the history of many totally racist political cartoons depicting African Americans as apes or monkeys. But I can hear you now asking this very important question:

How is that cartoon racist when this image isn't?

And there's many more where that came from. The answer is simple. First of all, such images comparing the former president with a chimpanzee is meant to insult Bush's intelligence. It's probably more insulting to chimps than it is to Bush. Poking fun at Bush's intelligence is fair game, as intelligence has something to do with running the country. Sean Delonas' recent political cartoon is racist because of it's historical context. The image of apes and monkeys has been used in political cartoons and other media to characterize African Americans and immigrant populations for centuries as not human, biologically inferior, and a lower form of life. 

The organization Color of Change is calling for a public apology and the firing of Sean Delonas, who has a long history of creating offensive political cartoons.

Someone Needs a Visit from Guerrilla Girls on Tour!

And I think it's Bill Goldberg! He said this on The Falafel Factor the other night (I don't know when, because I can't stomach that bullshit on a regular basis. Gives me diarrhea).

A man needs a humorless feminist like a fish needs a bicycle.

Humorless?! Moi?! No way! He needs a lesson from Guerrilla Girls on Tour's wonderful play Feminists Are Funny. It'll teach him that feminists can kick some ass while wearing monkey masks, and maybe he'll learn a few jokes too. He could obviously use some.

Important Question, The Today Show!

The Today Show is apparently enamored with this story of Drew Peterson, a man who is suspected of killing one of his wives, and his 24-year-old soon-to-be 5th wife. And because Drew Peterson has been married four times, The Today show asked this very important question:

Why do women fall for Drew Peterson?

I know, right? If five women have been attracted to this guy, then of course women in general fall for him. I have a better and equally ridiculous question. Why do men named Peterson kill their wives? First there's Scott Peterson, and now there's Drew Peterson. That's a pattern.

Take Action Monday

Yeah for a day off!

Tell the EPA to stop the cement industry from contributing to mercury pollution.

Urge President Obama to choose a progressive Department of Health secretary.

Demand accountability for the Bush administration's war crimes.

Tell your Senators to confirm Hilda Solis for Labor secretary.

Include a family planning provision in the next health care legislation.

Tell the EPA to crack down on pesticide abusers.

Urge the special envoy to rebuild Gaza.

I Know Your Secret, Arby's

via Feministing

In this ad, Arby's is prepping us for a big surprise about their fast food. Because I'm so special, I already know what it is. The secret is . . .

Arby's genetically modified buns have nipples!

Take Action Monday

Urge Congress to get valuable stem cell research moving forward.

Tell Congress that there is no such thing as clean coal.

Thank President Obama for taking action in closing Guantanamo and banning torture.

Help confirm Rep. Hilda Solis as Secretary of Labor.

Urge the Iranian government to keep Shirin Ebadi and Jinous Sobhani safe. 

Tell the Boy Scouts to stop destroying forests.

Demand a full investigation into the supposed suicide of Billey Joe Johnson.

Urge Congress to cap Wall Street greed.

Tell President Obama to appoint someone to be in charge of Sudan policy.

Request that the Department of Justice investigate Sheriff Joe Arpaio's abuses.

Thank President Obama for overturning the Global Gag Rule.

Some Pretty White Black Folks

Jesse Lee Peterson is a crazy man. And not crazy like a fox. Crazy like a certifiable crazy person. He said some crazy shit on FOX News, and even Hannity didn't know what to do with him.

Most Black Americans, 96% of them are racists who (unintelligible) White Americans.

So it's good to see that Peterson got an A in Pulling Numbers Out of Your Ass from the Dov Charney School of Statistical Excellence. It's clear that this dude is great at math. But how is he at forming a cogent argument?

Ninety-six percent of Black Americans voted for this man because he's a far left socialist liberal, and he's a Democrat. Had he been a Black Republican conservative, they would not have voted for him.

I think what he meant to say was that, because 96% of Black people are racist, they would have voted for the Black conservative solely based on skin color instead of policy. Instead, he said the exact opposite, and nobody seemed to notice. But there's more.

If you want to know what Socialism looks like, look at the Black community. Out-of-wedlock birth, crime out of control, a dependency on government.

Well, he is right about that. I mean . . . .




Ken Lay, former CEO of Enron


Jeff Skilling, former CEO of Enron

CEOs of the Big Three automakers

Those shiftless negroes!

Ex-Masturbator, Current Bullshitter

Imagine this being your first modeling gig?

via Feministe

Have you ever wanted your most personal sexual activities to be captured on a T-shirt? And do you want to wear a different colored one every day? Well, consider this the day your life begins anew. Because Passion For Christ has come out with T-shirts emblazoned with the word "Ex-Masturbator." So now you can tell everyone that you used to masturbate but now you don't -- and show them your completely hairless palms as proof.

I can't tell you for sure what this organization even is, but I can guess. Passion For Christ seems to be some sort of evangelical club for teens of color. I have a feeling that nobody who has even seen Black person proofread this pile of garbage they call a campaign website. "Hit up their new article"? "Check out ya girl"? Who says these things? Or, it could be a total joke. I'm sure people have e-mailed Passion For Christ asking them if this is supposed to be funny, but the answer hasn't made it to their FAQs. Take a look at -- I mean, hit up -- this video and tell me that these people are serious.



It's long, but it's totally worth it. I LOLed a million times.

Even More Comments from Blogs Gone By

I am still getting comments from people about a post I wrote nearly two years ago on the old blog about an episode of America's Next Top Model that I found offensive. I have no idea why people are still talking about it. I know I'm not. But some people must be stuck in March of 2007. We should feel sorry for them. Here are a couple of unmoderated comments that will stay that way forever, because I haven't updated that blog since July.

This is a fashion photoshoot, it's art. Stop taking it so seriously. If any young people decided that violence is sexy and desirable from these photographs then they have some serious issues, or are complete idiots. Relax and get over it.

This person is replying to a post from two years ago! Who needs to get over what now?

You've obviously NEVER heard of DARK ART! If you had it your way all the photo shoots would be plain and boring like a flock of sheep, and if a black one came along you'd shoot it. If you hate it that much DON'T WATCH THE SHOW!

This person is THANKFUL that analogies were taken off the SAT. Besides, I find sheep to be very exciting, especially the black ones, especially in flock form. And to clear up any suspicions, I don't watch America's Next Top Model. Tyra : Dolphins :: Emily : Tyra. Now there's an analogy.

Mini Rant: Sit on the Damn Seat!

I don't bite.

Britney Spears was right when she said there are two types of people in the world. There are those who sit on the toilet seats in public restrooms and those who don't. I'm a proud member of the former group. I wipe down the seat, or I lay down some toilet paper and sit. It's totally sanitary, and I don't get pee on the seat. And since I don't get pee on the seat, the next person doesn't have to worry about sitting in pee. The only people who have to worry about sitting in pee are the people who need to use the toilet after a person who's so afraid of peeing on the seat that they squat over the seat and pee all over it. Pee or diarrhea, as the case may be, which it was today, unfortunately for me. Seriously, people. Nobody wants to walk into the only empty stall and find poop splashed all over the back of the seat. I'm no stranger to dropping a deuce in a public restroom. I don't care if I make a stink, because if there's one thing I learned from the book Everybody Poops, it's that everybody poops. And I don't care if anybody else takes a dump in a public toilet, just as long as it all makes it in. So sit on the seat, do your business, and flush. I don't need to see what you did before you got there . . . or what you had for breakfast.

Take Action Monday

Tell your Senators that helping national parks helps the economy.

Demand an investigation of possible human rights violations in Gaza and Israel.

Tell Obama to expand family planning services to low income women.

Hold Bush accountable for war crimes.

Pledge to support safe homes for the world's orphans.

Ask Prime Minister Gordon Brown to include a representative from the African Union at the G20 summit.

Support the Paycheck Fairness Act.

Tell your Senators to vote Yes on the stimulus package and No on any amendments that could hurt women.

Demand the prosecutions of all police officers involved in Oscar Grant's death.

So Not Funny, George H.W. Bush!

Former President George H.W. Bush recently told this so not funny anecdote to some people somewhere:

One time we thought we'd outsmarted the crowd. We sent a decoy limosine off in one direction while I snuck out the back entrance. And we rounded the corner -- I'll never forget it -- and I saw one of the ugliest and angriest women I have ever seen in my entire life. Boy, she was really bad. And she charged my car with a sign... and came up right next to the window: "Stay out of my womb!" No problem, buddy.

Come on, Prez. Don't talk about Barbara that way.

Anti-Feminist Dating Service: Dov Charney

This is Dov Charney. Hey, Dov! He's quite the catch, and yet he's in total need of my dating service. Wha?! Let's look at his resume: 

• He's the founder of American Apparel, so he gots money.
  
• His mustache is connected to his sideburns. 
  
• He's spectacular at math.

Seriously, people. He's a stats whiz. Check out this gem from a 2004 interview that has recently been making its way through the feminist blogosphere.

Women initiate most domestic violence, yet out of a thousand cases of domestic violence maybe one is involving a man.

Can you believe he did all that math in his head? Yes, Dov is a quick one. And to think the U.S. Department of Justice probably used SPSS to come up with totally different data. What a waste of time! So if you're looking for a statistician, or just a good time, give Dov a call.

Take Action Monday

Tell President Obama that no coal is clean coal.

Urge President Obama to reverse the HHS rule that limits women's access to birth control.

Ask your Senators to support healthcare for immigrant kids too.

Thank President Obama for a great first week: overturning the Global Gag Rule, signing executive orders to stop torture and close Gitmo, and for including the world's poor in his inaugural address.

Support President Obama's pick for Attorney General.

Tell Bank of America to bail out homeowners and their workers, not their executives.

Love Is . . . .

FISTING!

Let There Be Lies

via Science Blogs

This is the trailer for some weird movie called The Monstrous Regiment of Women: Extolling Femininity, Blasting Feminism. It's about women who, in between decrying the system that allows them to speak without a man's permission and having sex through a hole in the sheet, crawl into their hope chests with a pint of Chunky Monkey and cry themselves to sleep. And while the entire trailer makes me laugh at their stupidity, I do have a favorite part.

I was in the abortion business. I knew if I could go into a school that the pregnancy rate could increase by 50%. I knew if I could get the girls sexually active that she would have 3-5 abortions between the ages of 13 and 18, and that was actually our goal.

It's interesting that this video is on GodTube, when this trailer is filled with such illogical thinking that anyone with two neurons to fire at one another would know that it's all a lie. How can a woman say that she can increase the pregnancy rate by going to a school? Who is she? Gabriel? Or is she sneaking into locker rooms and dropping sperm on these girls' panties while they're in gym? I guess this is what happens when someone doesn't understand that girls have free will and control over their sexuality. Or maybe this poor woman sat in on one too many abstinence-only classes and doesn't know how reproduction actually works.

"You Aborted the Next President" Still Makes No Sense

Why don't the pro-lifers listen to me when I tell them that aborting the next president is impossible? Don't they know that I'm way smarter than they are? Trust me, pro-lifers. I don't like seeing anyone make an ass of themselves by publishing stupid shit on the internet. Not even you. Aren't I pretty great that way? You don't have to answer that. I already know that I am.

Anyway, the video above claims to feature Barack Obama when he was just a wee fetus. First of all, you can't even tell if it's him. That could be anybody. Second of all (and probably more importantly than my first point), ultrasound technology didn't exist in 1961, the year in which he spent most of his time in his lovely mother's uterus. And lastly, this organization didn't even support Barack Obama in the election. Now all of a sudden they're skipping down the street because his mother couldn't even legally get an abortion if she wanted to? Ugh. The stupid makes my head hurt.

Take Action Monday

Happy Martin Luther King, Jr. Day! If you can't do any community service today, at least sign a bunch of petitions.

Support the Arms Trade Treaty.

Keep loaded guns out of our national parks.

Tell Obama to support the Blueprint for Positive Change in the LGBTQ community.

Ask the world's economic leaders to make microfinance a focus.

Demand justice for Oscar Grant.

Help stop the number one killer of African children.

Urge Obama to close Gitmo.

Support Obama's pick for Attorney General.

Tell Congress to help humanitarian workers get into Gaza and to suspend all transfers of weapons to Israel.

Urge Congress to include affordable healthcare for all in any economic stimulus legislation.

Sign the petition to repeal the Global Gag Rule.

Do My Job for Me, American Life League!

This thing I do isn't so easy. Being funny is hard work. That's why I get so happy when someone does something so ridiculously moronic that just repeating it makes it funny.

The American Life League, an anti-choice group, has a fit over Krispy Kreme donuts giving away each customer's choice of donut on January 20.

Total Ass Clown

This is Derek Dye, the Fear-Mongering Clown that teaches abstinence-only education to middle schoolers. He tells kids that having sex before marriage is kind of like becoming a drug addict, binge drinking, and juggling machetes over a friend (who is apparently unconscious from all the drugs and booze). Some clown. He doesn't even know what fun is! And let me add that breaking your hymen isn't as easy as setting a piece of tissue paper ablaze, clown guy. I know. I've been trying for years to get rid of that thing.

Mike Huckabee Answers an Important Question

How many times does a man have to say he doesn't support ass-fucking before people start to believe he enjoys nothing more than a good fuck in the ass?



Four. Maybe three.

The Cry-Baby Wing of the Right (i.e., all of it)

What a week for kvetching conservatives*, right? 

There's Sarah Palin belly-aching about anonymous bloggers (whatever those are).

Then Joe the Pretend Plumber complains about non-anonymous non-blogging mainstream-media war correspondents.



He also reminisces about the olden days when people went to the cinema to watch propaganda. Shouldn't he be thrilled that we don't even have to go outside for that anymore? Just turn on Fox News.

Finally, "Ann Coulter *wink*" cries about the ladies of The View not getting her.



We get it. Your 15 minutes are up. Give it up already.




*I know you loved that alliteration.

Take Action Monday

Ask Barack Obama to address the world's poorest people during the inauguration.

Show your support for Dr. Shirin Ebadi.

Tell your Senators to support fair pay.

Protect endangered species from Bush.

Support Barack Obama in his plans to invest in healthcare and green jobs.

The Funny and the Fucked Up

The Funny:

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Rachel Maddow

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

Rachel Maddow steals Keith Olbermann's glasses and does an interview on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

The Word - Statute of Liberty

Colbert at Christmas
Colbert Christmas DVD

Green Screen
Bill O'Reilly Interview

Stephen Colbert defends Ledbetter v. Goodyear.

The Fucked Up:

A Black man was shot in the back by a police officer while in police custody in Oakland.

Both:

The snuggle film industry (as Marge Simpson might say) wants a federal bailout. Larry Flynt pleaded with Congress, "With all this economic misery and people losing all that money, sex is the farthest thing from their mind. It's time for congress to rejuvenate the sexual appetite of America." Paging Larry Craig! Paging Mark Foley! Return to Congress immediately to sexify the joint!

Joe the Unlicensed Plumber is now heading for Israel to become Joe the Wannabe War Correspondent for PJTV, some right-wing thing. I'm actually gonna go on and thank PJTV for getting Joe out of the country. Well done!

Take Action Monday

Advocate for microfinance to eliminate poverty.

Tell president-elect Obama to end the war in Iraq.

Urge Secretary of State Rice to end the civilian bloodshed in Israel and Gaza.

Support green energy solutions.

Tell Home Depot CEO Bernie Marcus to stop the intimidation.

And the Little Accident's Name Is . . . .

Hey! Gov. Sarah Palin's daughter Bristol had a baby. Remember the Palins? And in the fine Palin tradition of giving children names that are likely to scar them for life, the little bundle of joy's name is Tripp. As in "I tripped and fell on my boyfriend's penis." What would you have named him? Take the poll or leave other suggestions in comments.

In what the radical right would love to think is a completely unrelated story, abstinence pledges don't work. Not only do kids who pledge abstinence have sex before marriage anyway, they are less likely to use birth control. In other words, abstinence pledges are a ginormous fail. 

Anti-Feminist Dating Service: Dennis Prager

Say hello to Dennis Prager. Hi, Dennis *wink*! This 60-year-old conservative commentator knows women. I mean, he has been married twice. Divorced twice, too. Probably because he's just so in-your-face. He apparently hasn't enjoyed a movie in 20 years, and he likes to stand in front of trees, I guess (seriously, what's up with the background in that photo?). But that's not what makes Dennis so hot. He just can't get enough of that marital rape. But he's real polite about it. When his woman says "not tonight," he doesn't tell her "fuck you." He says, "Fuck me!" This man's been divorced twice? Fuck me! And he totally believes in equality. He supports both men and women contributing to society -- men by going to work every day, and women by being raped by their husbands. Are you swooning yet? I know I am! Or maybe my brain stem just died on me. So if you don't want to date Dennis Prager, you're just his type! Lucky every woman!

Take Action Monday

Say no to Title X funding for crisis pregnancy centers.

Tell your Representatives to help fight hunger in America.

Urge Barack Obama to focus on eliminating childhood death in poor countries.

Ask Reebok to keep its NHL gear manufacturing plants in North America (where the NHL plays).

Just say no to Rick Warren.

Rick Warren Wants to Fuck You

Rick Warren talked about his dirty inclinations to Ann Curry of ABC this week. He confessed,

I'm naturally inclined to have sex with every beautiful woman I see!

And after listening to that, my natural inclination is to *BARF*

Take Action Monday

Tell the Mormon church to prove they're not anti-gay.

Demand that Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal launch an investigation of white vigilante violence after Katrina.

Stop Bush's last minute attacks on the environment.

Tell clothing store Zara to support unions.

Urge the Obama administration to overturn harmful anti-choice HHS rule.

Help raise awareness of childhood cancers.

Share your priorities with new Labor Secretary Hilda Solis.

Ask Obama to create an Office on Women.

Anti-Feminist Dating Service: Matthew Chancey

This guy must be doing something right if he has inspired a new segment at [A] Funny Feminist. Introducing Anti-Feminist Dating Service, where you can review the manliest men on Earth. In fact, this manly man above just earned himself the Old Spice Man of the Year Award. Swoon! Here he is -- Matthew Chancey.

Matthew Chancey, 32, is a total man's man. He's no metrosexual pansy boy. Blue socks with brown shoes? What a nightmare in coordination! One man's fashion faux pas is a manly man's proof of hardcore manliness. His hobbies include swing dancing, keeping chickens, and rifle wielding. And now that he's Old Spice's Man of the Year, he's got money, honey, and a supply of Old Spice products to boot. Oh la la! Tres chic! And if that doesn't make you want to rip your panties off, he's also a Christian Reconstructionist, a political movement that is anti-suffrage and believes in women's submission to their husbands. He is married, though, to the ultimate woman, the creator of Ladies Against Feminism and all things modern. But I'm sure a manly man like Matthew Chancey would totally go for some submissive young tail on the side. Who's up for some unprotected sex through a hole in the sheet? So on your next hot date, don't just take a chance -- take a Matthew Chancey!

The Funny & the Fucked Up

The Funny:

Protect Marriage, Protect Children, Prohibit Divorce - watch more funny videos

Californians try to put an anti-divorce measure on the ballot using the same reasoning of the pro-Prop 8 crowd.

The Fucked Up:

Anti-woman, anti-LGBT pastor Rick Warren to give invocation at Obama's inauguration.

Bush signs HHS rule that defines abortion as anything that keeps a woman who fucks from giving birth and allows just about anyone to deny basic reproductive healthcare.

Remember the Time GGOT Came to Marist College?

I'm so psyched that the Guerrilla Girls on Tour recently commented on my blog. *thumbs up* I thought this would be a good time to talk about when I got GGOT to perform "Feminists Are Funny" at my college. The story isn't as funny as it is horrifying. It was quite an ordeal, so they might remember it too. Here it goes.

I was basically appointed president of the Gender Equality Club during the last semester of my junior year at Marist College, since nobody else wanted the job (Marist isn't very feministy.). At the suggestion of a friend, my first order of business was to get GGOT to perform "Feminists Are Funny" at the beginning of the next fall semester. My VP (hey, Diana!) and I didn't think this was going to be a big deal. But we were way wrong. Getting GGOT to perform at Marist was going to cost $1500, which we didn't have. I think we were only able to get $500 for performances and the rest we had to get a co-sponsorship for. We thought the Student Programming Council would be cool and fund part of the project, since they basically have the college's money at their disposal. GGOT sent me a video and a press packet of all their promotional stuff and positive reviews, and I gave that to the Student Programming Council. They didn't like what they saw and denied to fund the rest of the project. Basically, we were screwed.  One of the GGOT, Aphra, suggested that we ask for the money from other departments. So Diana and I worked our butts off for a couple of months begging the different Liberal Arts departments to give us what little funding they had to help us out. Luckily, we got the rest of the funding from almost every Liberal Arts department. By the time we got the rest of the money,  it was September, so we only had a couple of weeks to promote the shit out of this thing. The week before the performance was a women's conference featuring Adrienne Rich (I totally vented to her about the whole GGOT planning fiasco, and she was very sympathetic. That was a rough week when it came to planning huge club events, come to think of it, but that's for another time), so Diana and I set up a table outside of the auditorium and told the other people who attended the conference about the show. The head of the Student Programming Council (Sarah something, I think. I'm glad I forgot) came up to us, picked up the flier we were handing out and said, "Where's Student Programming Council on this flier?" Turned out, the Student Programming Council decided to fund the performance in full, but they neglected to tell me about it. When I informed her that Liberal Arts gave us the rest of the money, she said it was all good and that the departments will just reimburse the Student Programming Council. So Student Programming Council wasn't funding the performance at all, and they basically robbed the poor Liberal Arts department for all they had. But they still wanted Gender Equality to give them props. *angry fist* Diana and I told GGOT all of this, and they were pissed. They almost bad-mouthed the Student Programming Council in the play, but I don't remember exactly why they changed their mind. They knew that the Student Programming Council didn't really want the show to go on, since Aphra and I e-mailed each other back and forth for a long time talking about it during the planning phase. But I don't think they knew that Student Programming Council was going to take all of Liberal Arts' money until after the performance. And the head of the Student Programming Council was pretending that she enjoyed GGOT during rehearsal. Something like that.

Anyway, the performance went on. A hundred people attended. With the help of our club advisor and some PR dude at Marist, an ad was released in the local paper (and this group of little old ladies we met after the show said they saw the ad in the paper and were so excited to come see the show. Aw!). A lot of Communications students were required to attend, as one of the Comm professors talks about GGOT in her classes. The performance was great, and I made an ass of myself on stage. It was a real fun time. The school paper wrote some nice things about the performance (I think I lost the article though). A few days later, I got a nice letter from GGOT:

Dear Emily, 

On behalf of Fanny Brice, Eva La Gallienne and myself, I would like to thank you again for all of the hard work you did getting Guerrilla Girls on Tour to Marist. You are indeed an incredible feminist and activist and your efforts on our behalf are recognized and appreciated. We enjoyed your audience and performing for your colleagues in the Gender Equality Club. 

Please keep in touch. You'd make a terrific member of the GGOT's so please let us know when you graduate!

Best,

Aphra Behn

Oops. I graduated in May 2006. And I haven't really kept in touch at all either. But that doesn't mean their performance hasn't really influenced me. I mean, what's the name of the blog? [A] Funny Feminist. And what am I? A funny feminist. Because feminists are funny. And who knows? Maybe in a couple years, I'll join GGOT as Amy Winehouse.

And if you're wondering, yes, Diana and I got to see Aphra, Fanny, and Eva without their masks. They were very nice not to kill us, weren't they?

Iraqi Journalist Does What We'd All Like to Do

An Iraqi journalist, Muntadar al-Zaidi, threw two shoes at President Bush during a press conference yesterday. How long before the right-wingers whine, "Where's Media Matters on this one? Whaaaa!!!!" Bush was about as bothered by it as I was, saying

That's what people do in a free society, draw attention to themselves.

And,

Bush: There have been no attacks since I have been president, since 9/11. One of the major theaters against al Qaeda turns out to have been Iraq. This is where al Qaeda said they were going to take their stand. This is where al Qaeda was hoping to take ...

Raddatz: But not until after the U.S. invaded.

Bush: Yeah, that’s right. So what? The point is that al Qaeda said they’re going to take a stand.

Take Action Monday

Take the hate out of the immigration debate.

Tell MoveOn.org what their top goal for 2009 should be.

Protect girls from Female Genital Cutting.

No pardons for war criminals.

Read Gay Marriage: Our Mutual Joy, and show your support for the article.

Ain't the Taint I'm Talking About

This might be proof that my mind is totally in the gutter. But I was listening to Ron Kuby today while I was driving around for work, and, of course, he was talking about the Blagojovich scandal. Kuby was playing a bunch of sound clips from recent news reports, and he plays an exchange between MSNBC's Norah O'Donnell and Chuck Todd. Needless to say, I laughed my ass off:

NORAH O'DONNELL: Can Obama avoid being tainted by all of this?
CHUCK TODD: It depends on your definition of taint.

If your definition of "taint" is "to sully or tarnish," then you might be on to something. But if you're talking about that special area between the sack and the crack . . . .

Take Action Monday: Holiday Edition

On Air America Radio, they often advertise something called Redefine Christmas. It's an organization, I guess, trying to get people to give and receive donations to their favorite charities instead of exchanging material gifts. But can't we help other people and give stuff to our friends and families? I mean, some of us still need things. So make sure to shop fair trade this holiday season, and ask your friends and family to do the same. I have a few links posted in the left margin, or you can search for fair trade shops online. You'll be giving something cool to your buds and helping people in America and other countries by helping them earn a living wage. That's double the good karma.

Fear Teh Gayz

The American Family Association, the organization for "people who are tired of cursing the darkness and who are ready to light a bonfire", is selling a video for the whole homophobic family called They're Coming to Your Town. It's all about the "dangers" of "homosexual-controlled" cities. Here's the trailer:



Oh, wait. That was the trailer for Milk. It's so hard to tell them apart. Here's the real trailer.

The Funny & The Fucked Up

The Funny:

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

Prop 8: The Musical shows the benefits of gay marriage. It stars some very funny people, like Margaret Cho, Jack Black, Andy Richter, John C. Reilly, and NPH.

Belledame222 at Fetch Me My Axe posted some funny would-be Men's Rights Activist blog titles.

The Fucked Up:

Amanda Palmer's record label won't promote her new single or video because she is "fat." Palmer, of Dresden Dolls fame, tried to leave her record label, but they won't let her. She gives the full story here.

Some dude from New Zealand blames women's lib and abortion for violence against women. This answers the age-old question "What do Orcs do when they're not guarding Mordor?" They whine to the public.

So Not Funny, The Daily Show!

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Black Friday Deaths

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

The other day on The Daily Show, Jon Stewart made light of the three deaths that occurred on Black Friday. And while Jon Stewart says that the three deaths occurred because "they" (that is, the three people who died) were trying to save money on holiday gifts, one death was of a Wal-Mart employee who was trampled by shoppers, and the other two died in a shooting outside of a Toys "R" Us that might not have had anything to do with shopping. Because I don't expect accuracy to be a priority on The Daily Show, I'm more pissed about how flippant Jon Stewart was. They might as well not have talked about it at all. Turning the deaths of three people into a joke? So not funny.

Take Action Monday

Ugh, I don't wanna go to work . . . .

Sign the Repower America petition.

Say no to new nuclear weapons.

Tell president-elect Obama to make healthcare a top economic priority.

Support Obama in his efforts to close Guantanamo. 

Tell Congress to reform our healthcare system now.