No-Show Joe

Joe the Plumber avoids John McCain like he's income taxes.

Funniest Gaffe This Election Season: You Pick

The results of last week's [A] Funny Poll . . . .

Would you go gay for Rachel Maddow?

Yes: 9

No: 3

I don't have to: 7

Nineteen in total! The most ever! I know 19 isn't a whole lot, but I'm still happy.

I hope the total increases with the new poll question. This week's [A] Funny Poll question is:

"What was the funniest gaffe of the presidential campaign?" 

I've narrowed it down to 4 hilarious choices. To help you decide, here are the videos of those gaffes.


Joe Biden tells Missouri State Senator Chuck Graham to stand up, despite the fact that he's in a wheel chair. But it looks like he apologizes. Aw. I had this weird dream last night that Joe Biden and I donated blood together. Kind of random.



John McCain agrees that Western Pennsylvanians are racist and then tries to correct himself. And then he explodes.



Barack Obama claims to have visited 57 out of 59 states. Even if he meant to say forty, this would still be gaffe-alicious. You're leading in all the polls, Barack, but will you prevail in mine? We shall see!



And lastly, Sarah Palin. Not any particular gaffe. Just Sarah Palin. But here are a few just for good measure.

Sarah Palin doesn't know what the Vice President does.



Sarah Palin can't name a newspaper.



Sarah Palin thinks supporters are protestors and scolds them.



Leave your other favorites in comments!

Former Ms. Editor Can't Take a Joke

via Feministing

Former Ms. Editor Elaine Lafferty defends Sarah Palin's (abandoned) feminist cred. If that isn't funny enough, she also accuses NOW President Kim Gandy of saying that Governor Palin is not a woman. When did Gandy say anything like that? About a month ago on The Colbert Report.

Stephen Colbert: Are you saying that Sarah Palin is not a woman? Because if you're saying that, that would be a bombshell that would get me great ratings. Are you saying that Sarah Palin has got some junk downtown?
Kim Gandy: [sigh]
SC: Not willing to say it, but if you actually think Sarah Palin is a man, just say you believe women should have equal rights.
KG: I believe women should have equal rights.

Oh, Elaine. She must be one of those humorless feminists that gives us all a bad name.

Take Action Monday

The last couple of weeks of the election season is all about solicitation. So, naturally, most of the take action-y type stuff I got this week, like last week, were organizations hittin' me up for money. And since I only post links to ways to make a difference for free, this will be another short TAM.

Tell Mukasey to squash Bush's efforts to suppress votes in Ohio.

Pledge to learn the signs of child abuse.

Contribute to the Democracy Diaries. 

Urge John McCain to put middle-class workers first.

Evening Quickie: Skipping for Obama

My friend and I were walking around the Upper West Side this afternoon, and we walked past a few little girls skipping down the street saying "Go Obama! Go Obama!" Definitely the cutest thing I've seen in a long time. I wonder if they helped Obama win Nickelodeon's Kids Pick the President.

So Not Funny, Ashley Todd!

McCain campaign volunteer, Ashley Todd,  lied to police about being attacked by a big Black man for being a McCain supporter. Ironic, isn't it? Sarah Palin doesn't even support hate crime statutes, and one of her supporters thought a fake bias crime would improve Palin's chances of becoming VP. Anyway, Todd told the cops that this scary Black man (isn't it always a Black guy?) carved a "B" into her face and told her that she would become an Obama supporter. But this wasn't just any "B" carved into her face.

It's a backwards "B!" The kind of "B" that would result if a person cut it into their own face without thinking, "Hey. You think this'll pass the Michelle Malkin smell test? Or will it be more stinky tofu?" Yep. They've got some real brainiacks on the Straight Talk Express. Racist, racist brainiacks. Oh, did I mention this happened in totally not racist western PA?

Being a lying racist -- so not funny.

Cutest Children's Story Ever

via Straight Talk on McCain

Some geniuses made a nursery rhyme about John McCain's VP selection. The video might be slow to start, so be patient.

Here's a Funny/Creepy Way to Convince Your Pals to Vote for Obama

MoveOn.org sent me this video of a mock news story blaming ME for McCain winning the presidential election. As if! You can put in anybody's name and e-mail address, and they'll customize the video to that person's name. I changed the name to "Joe Shmo" so I can post it here without revealing my super secret identity (well, my last name). I pretty much laughed my ass off, after the shock of the subject heading "Emily, you're in this video" wore off.

More Funny Unmoderated Comments

It looks like the blog I used to contribute to is getting more traffic now than it did when people actually posted there. Every week there's another comment waiting to be moderated. This is happening so often that I just might have to create a label for it. I noticed two more unmoderated comments today, one that was posted yesterday and one that was posted a month ago that I just realized was there. There are a few things that make these comments funny. One, I haven't updated that blog since July, yet people are still commenting on posts there. Two, most of them are hilarious comments made by some really dumb "Anonymous" people. And three, I don't know to which posts these comments are referring. I can take a guess, but since Blogger doesn't tell me where the comment was made, I'm not too sure what these "Anonymous" commenters are talking about. And not knowing what they're talking about adds to the randomness of it all. So here are the two new comments.

Because it works. I went to bootcamp & solitary confinement and I straightened my ass up.

Thanks for sharing?

Actually, I think they were throwing a punch at homosexuals.

Indeed . . . .

Not to Sway the Votes on My New Poll or Anything . . . .

via Feministing

But Rachel Maddow laid the feminist smackdown on a couple of McCain hunchbacks on her show last night. Oh, conservative dudes. When will you learn that you know nothing about us Vagina-Americans?

Results for last weeks [A] Funny Poll

I'm such a feminist that . . . .

my armpit hair goes down to my elbows: 1 vote

even my cats own cats: 8 votes

Yay! Three more people voted than last week and the week before! Dare I dream for double digits?

UPDATE 10/22: I plugged the new poll on Feministing, and it has 12 votes so far! My dreams have come true! Thank you, Feministing readers!

Take Action Monday

I didn't get many petitions this week, so it'll be a short TAM.

Demand that Country Natural Beef stop their anti-union campaign. E-mail them at Answers@countrynaturalbeef.com, since they're blocking messages sent through United Farm Workers. Real classy!

Tell your family and friends in California to vote NO on Proposition 8, the gay marriage ban.

Urge the presidential candidates to support equal access to breast cancer screenings for all women.

Tell Sarah Palin to stop lying.

Say Wha, Palin People?

via Straight Talk on McCain

I thought it would be John McCain who would need a hearing aid, but it's Sarah Palin who needs one. Or maybe just a Q-Tip.

At one of her rallies, a few supporters in the back were yelling for her to speak louder. I guess because she expects people all around the country to hate her so much that they'd take time out of their busy schedules to heckle her at her rallies, she thinks those nice people who just want to hear her speak are actually protesters. Oh, but she gives them a goood talking to.

I would hope at least that those protesters have the courage and the honor of thanking our veterans for giving them the right to protest.

Yeah, yeah. And I hope at least that John McCain would have the courage and the honor of thanking those veterans by giving them benefits, but you can't have everything, Governor Palin.

John McCain is PROUD of His Supporters? So Not Funny!

Sen. John McCain told the country on Wednesday night's debate that he is proud of his supporters, right after Sen. Barack Obama talked about the McCain/Palin supporters that yelled things like "bomb Obama" and "kill him" at their rallies. So who else is McCain proud of?



McCain is proud of these people. McCain is proud of the woman who said, "I'm afraid if he wins, the Black will take over. He's not a Christian! This is a Christian nation! What is our country gonna end up like?" McCain is proud of the man who said, "When you got a Negro running for president, you need a first stringer. He's definitely a second stringer." McCain is proud of the man who said, "He's related to a known terrorist, for one." McCain is proud of the woman who said, "Just the whole Muslim thing and everything. I mean, everybody's talking about -- you know, a lot of people forgot about 9/11, but I don't know. It's just kind of a little unnerving." McCain is proud of the woman who said, "Obama and his wife, I'm concerned that they could be anti-White, that he might hide that." McCain is proud of the woman who said, "I don't the fact that he thinks us White people are trash, because we're not." Who else is McCain proud of?



McCain is proud of the people who created this image juxtaposing Osama bin Laden with Barack Obama. McCain is proud of people who want to torture Obama. McCain is proud of the Sacramento Republican Party. Who else is McCain proud of?



McCain is proud of the Chaffey Community Republican Woman Federated, who used this racist image for one of their newsletters.

Senator McCain, are you kidding me? You really are proud of these racist, xenophobic liars? So not funny!

It's Love Your Body Day!

Happy Love Your Body Day, everybody! 

Today is the day to grab your love handles and say, "Bite me, impossible beauty standards perpetuated by the media, fashion industry, and society at large!"

Today is the day to hug your thighs no matter what their size! Yes, I purposely made that rhyme.

Today is the day to rub your tummy for good luck.

Today is the day to be proud of being a member of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee (I'm not just a card-carrying member. I'm their president).

Today is the day to rub your booty in the faces of anyone who has ever made a degrading comment about you because of your body shape or size.

Today is the day to strut your stuff like you're a runway model, without the problem eating.

And today is the day that you realize that you should love your body every day because we're all beautiful. Corny, yes, but it's also true.

There's a Campaign of Hate

File this under "so not funny." The racism and all-around hatred in McCain supporters is frightening, and McCain and Palin are doing nothing about it. In fact, they've started it in their campaign of fear-mongering, lies, and hatred. Watch the video, and sign this petition to stop the campaign of hate.

Take Action Monday

Tell Barack Obama and John McCain to support hate crimes legislation for LGBT people.

Speak out against the unlawful indefinite imprisonment of detainees at Guantanamo Bay.

Tell the networks that you deserve and honest representation of military analysis.

Urge Bob Schieffer to get a straight answer out of McCain regarding his birth control policies.

Help end childhood obesity.

Tell PBS that you don't think Sarah Palin is qualified to be VP.

Sign the Fair Pay Pledge (I figure posting the link here is like sending it 5 friends).

Encourage women who are working to get themselves out of poverty.

A Funny Poll Results

Here are the results to my second A Funny Poll.

What's the difference between Sarah Palin and a pitbull?

Lipstick: 1 vote

Pitbulls are allowed outside: 5 votes

Exactly six votes again?! *sigh* And I wonder if the person who chose "Lipstick" is the same person who said Tina Fey as Sarah Palin is funnier than Sarah Palin herself last week.

And Yet More Unmoderated Comments by Dummies

I have to admit, I was hoping to find another unmoderated comment to post about when I logged in to Blogger just now. And my dreams came true! For some reason, people are only posting comments in posts from a long time ago, and they're always posting under "Anonymous." This comment was in regards to a post I wrote about a "crime scene" themed photo shoot on America's Next Top Model. The photos were obviously going for a dead chic thing, which glamorizes violent crimes against women. Some people seem to think that's not disturbing at all.

photoshoots aren't always meant to be sexy or appealing. some of them are meant to cause shock or awe, or even make a statement about politics or human nature itself. i can't believe that you all would make such a big deal about a little blood and guts, when there was obviously no harm intended in it. i liked the shoot, personally, i think if photography causes controversy, then it has done it's job.

Convincing, right? "Photo shoots aren't always meant to be sexy and sometimes try to make a political statement, but I'm not going to tell you that these photos weren't meant to be sexy and what that political statement really is, because I know deep down that what I just said doesn't apply to this case." It's funny when people try to rationalize their own sexist opinions.

Goodbye, Katie the Old Lady

I just came back from putting my cat Katie to sleep. She was 17 years old and lived a very fulfilling life of eating, sleeping, and pooping in sand. So now that I don't have a cat, am I still a feminist? I guess I could be, as long as I change my dog's name to Gloria Steinem. 

Important Question, Steve Moore

This just happened like 5 minutes ago on Real Time with Bill Maher. Steve Moore of The Wall Street Journal asked this important question:

Why don't feminists support Sarah Palin?

Important question, Steve Moore! Bill Maher, would you like to answer?

Because she doesn't know anything.

Perfect.

Sarah Palin. Has. PORES!!!!

FOX News is having kittens over the latest cover of Newsweek, which features a close-up photo of Governor Sarah Palin. Of course, this story is delivered by one of the FOX News beauty queens who wouldn't have a job on that network if they looked like, maybe, Rachael Maddow (I love you for your mind, Rachael!) And to live up to their "fair and balanced" slogan, they had two women of different political persuasions on the show (or at least different opinions on this very stupid issue). Here's what the conservative one said:

It highlights every imperfection that every human being has. We're talking unwanted facial hair, pores, wrinkles. This is a gross slap in the face to Sarah Palin after Newsweek has done so many favorable covers of Barack Obama . . . .

Indeed, every woman has pores, wrinkles, and facial hair. What's your point? That having these things is bad, of course. "What if someone judges her poorly because she has wrinkles??? Hate her for her policies all you want, but don't look at her pores, for the love of God!!! Her face is all she has going for her in this election!!!" But I'm not surprised, since conservatives have always used beauty standards to lionize conservative women and belittle liberal women. Here are just a few examples.



As you can see, this picture features powerful liberal women who have actually accomplished something, and conservative women who are simply hideous on the inside.



In a pretend apology for calling NOW the National Organization of Ugly Women, Mark Levin calls the organization the "National Organization of Women Who Look Like Men; or National Organization of Mustachioed Women; or National Organization of Really Ugly Women." You'd think a guy with such high standards of beauty would have hair plugs and use Just For Men.

Glenn Beck equates conservative politics to beauty as well, and for some reason promises liberal women eternal Western standards of beauty in Heaven. Now that's literal interpretation of the Bible!

[I]f you're an ugly woman, you're probably a progressive as well. Oh, jeez. I'm sorry. Today's just not your day. But you know what? If you believed in God, you'd know that there's going to be another chance for you. You don't have to be ugly in heaven. You're going to be your perfect self, and there will be another perfect somebody waiting for you on the other side.

It's apparent that conservatives believe that enlightened, empowered, liberated progressive women care way more about their looks than they actually do. They think that if women like Hillary Clinton and Kim Gandy and Jessica Valenti and me are called physically unattractive enough, we'd simply crawl into our sock drawers and die. Not so much, wing-nuts.

And my favorite part of that FOX video has to be this:

This is a clear slap in the face. And why? Because of this title -- "She's One of the Folks (and That's the Problem)." Newsweek would not be in business if the folks wouldn't subscribe to this magazine. So to insult the folks of America and call that a problem. I think Newsweek just showed it's an elitist, liberal magazine.

Newsweek thinks I'm too much of a regular person to be Vice President?! *crawls into sock drawer and dies*

That One's a Keeper

In response to Senator John McCain referring to Senator Barack Obama as "that one" in last night's debate, xerotopia Aritfact Store at Cafe Press is selling shirts and other merchandise with the slogan "I'm Voting for 'That One.'" Funny stuff!

Important Question, John Oliver!

In a more gutsy than funny move the other night, John Oliver of The Daily Show asked this important question:

Governor Palin brought up Joe Biden's quote about us raping the ocean floors this evening. Does Governor Palin support the ocean paying for its own rape kits?

Probably.

The Feminist Version of "Everybody Poops"

Sarah Haskins does a much better job poking fun at the sexy fiber ads than I ever could.

More Comments from Blogs Gone By

Over two years ago, the creator of the blog Feminists to the Rescue wrote about Rabbi Shmuley Boteach telling women not to breastfeed, lest they turn off their husbands. And for some reason, people are still submitting comments not only to this blog, but to this particular post from two years ago. An anonymous commenter (aren't they all?) is waiting for this to be moderated:

Rabbi Shumley is a Jew, and Jews gave use the Feminist Revolution. Of course he doesn't have a clue what he's on about.

I wonder if this is the same Anonymous that said this a couple weeks ago. And I wonder if they're reading every post on that blog and commenting with anti-feminist and anti-Semitist drivel. Either way, I hope they have fun reading all 375 posts.

Take Action Monday

It took my brother and I 3 hours to watch the first presidential debate, because we kept pausing the TV to discuss the candidates' responses. It only took us 2 hours and 15 minutes to watch the vice presidential debate. I'm hoping tomorrow's debate will be more exciting (and ask my question, Browkaw!).

Support the Extractive Industries Transparency Disclosure Act, which will help keep money from natural resource industries from funding corrupt leaders (think China's oil ties with Sudan).

Ask Obama and McCain how they will reach across party lines to end the financial and healthcare crises.

Vote in the Members Project. The winner gets $1.5 million to fund their humanitarian efforts.

Tell American Idol to treat their worker's fairly.

Tell Howard Weizmann that there's a difference between Hollywood movies and reality.

End the filibustering! 

And, finally, vote in my poll over there <----- and up a little.

Not Exactly What Albright Said (Or Meant)

via dignityblows at the Feministing Community

At a rally in California on October 4, Governor Sarah Palin misquotes former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright.

I'm readin' on my Starbucks mocha cup, okay? The quote of the day? You'll never believe what the quote was. It was Madeleine Albright, former Secretary of State [boos from crowd] and UN ambassador? And Madeleine has as her quote of the day for Starbucks -- Now, she said it! I didn't. She said, "There's a place in Hell reserved for women who don't support other women." [shrug]

Lattes, eh? Don't you know you're supposed to be drinking coffee like the rest of us regular ol' country folk, Palin? There's no show hosted by a former Republican Congressman called "Morning $6 Vente Mocha Latte," Governor. It's called Morning Joe.

But more to the point, that's not what Albright said. She said "There's a place in Hell reserved for women who don't help other women." I'd help Governor Palin. I mean, if she and I were in the same public restroom and she didn't have a quarter to buy a tampon, I'd totally give her a quarter or a tampon. Probably the tampon, because I wouldn't want the quarter going to supporting her campaign. See? There's a difference between supporting and helping. And I wouldn't help Palin out simply because she was a woman or because I feared that I'd be going to Hell. I'd just expect her to help me out one day when I needed it, because women help each other out. One day, I could be like, "Hey, Governor Palin. I gave you a tampon. Now let me into Alaska so the rapture beast doesn't eat me." That's the gist of Albright's quote, not "vote for the lady or you'll burn in Hell. Mua-hahaha!"

I'm expecting this to be just the first in a whole slew of Albright misquotes made by Palin, though. Here are some gaffes that I'm really looking forward to:

"To understand John McCain's policies, you have to be a genius -- or French."

"We will not be intimidated or pushed off the world stage by people who do not like what we stand for, and that is homophobia, sexism, anti-Semitism, big oil, preemptive war, and moose burgers."

"I've never been to Iraq before. But one of my role models, Xena, the warrior princess, comes from there."

"I was in a helicopter when I fell in love with the idea of shooting endangered wolves from this height. And I continue to have that love affair."

"Russia is like, down the street from my house, so what happens there matters a great deal here."

"What a blast it is to be here with -- this Pakistani president dude who keeps touchin' me. Will ya quit it already?!"


(original quotes)

Results for My First Ever Poll

I started using the poll feature last week to test it out, and I've decided to keep it and change the question weekly. Here were the results for last week's poll:

Who is funnier?

Tina Fey as Sarah Palin: 1 vote

Sarah Palin as herself: 5 votes

Only six votes? Does "Vote or die" mean nothing to you?

And I've decided to call it [A] Funny Poll. Just because.

Who Says Famous People Aren't Republican?

This morning on FOX & Friends, Kevin Farely promoted his new spoof film An American Carol. One of the hosts made this proclamation:

We've seen actor after actor, director after director, come out and support Barack Obama and support the left. 

Quoi?! No famous person has voiced their support for McCain/Palin? Then how do you explain this? 

A famous person said that. You can insert any famous person's name in there, and technically, you wouldn't be lying, right? I mean, as long as they're famous, your ass is covered. So while the liberals have certain famous people (e.g., Oprah Winfrey, Scarlett Johansson, Fall Out Boy, The Black Eyed Peas, Alec Baldwin, Robert de Niro, Matt Damon, Halle Berry, John Legend, Pearl Jam, and George Clooney), conservatives have any famous person (and Kevin Farley). Nice job.

Because Sock Monkeys are Funny

Maggie's Functional Organics have these adorable sock monkeys up for pre-order on their site. They're made from slightly irregular socks and post-industrial polyester. They're organic, fair trade, and freakin' cute. Each one is made special by someone who works in a worker-owned co-op in North Carolina. Isn't that special? So go get one! And hooray for free advertising!

Post-Debate "Analysis"

Who won the debate last night? Well, Senator Joe Biden gave us a lot of good information about how craptastic things have been going these past 8 years under W. Bush and how an Obama/Biden administration would fix it. But the bar was set quite low for Governor Sarah Palin, and she stubbed her toe on that bar and tripped right over it. Her tape recorder of talking points didn't malfunction, and she lip-synced those talking points beautifully. Seriously, Ashlee Simpson and Britney Spears can probably learn a lot from Governor Palin. But this was the highlight of the evening, without a doubt:

If you're looking for real analysis, read the newspaper. 

Kristen Schaal Does a Pretty Good Palin Too

It's funny that Tina Fey and Kristen Schaal can be so funny by just repeating what Governor Palin has said.

Debate Tonight!

Not to pull a John McCain, but I think Biden's already got this.