Saturday, June 20, 2009

Not So Mini Rant: My Adventures in Adopting, and Surrendering, a Puppy

After our home got broken into, my family decided to get a younger dog to protect our home from invaders. We thought it would be a good idea to adopt a dog from a shelter or rescue, since it would be less expensive and more helpful than getting a purebred dog. So we searched for possible dogs on Petfinder. We found a possible match within a week of the burglary.

We were told to go to a pet salon to meet the two dogs we were interested in at 9:30 am on a Saturday. As we walked up to the pet salon, I immediately recognized on of the dogs, Haley, that we saw on Petfinder. She was very cute and gave us lots of kisses. The other dog we wanted to meet wasn't there yet. We spent over two hours with Haley while we were waiting for the other dog to arrive. We really liked Haley and thought the other dog would have to be pretty special for us to choose her over Haley. Finally, the other dog arrived. She looked much older than what the Petfinder description stated. She was a nice dog, but she wasn't like Haley. We discussed our decision outside the pet salon and decided to take Haley. As we walked back to the pet salon, we saw a family with two young kids playing with Haley. They were told to go to the pet salon to meet Haley at 10:00, but they got there a couple hours later. The children were having a great time petting and playing with Haley. The children's mother said that they were looking at Haley's picture all week on Petfinder and couldn't wait to meet her. This family believed that they were going to the pet salon to adopt Haley, only to meet another family that wanted Haley too. Haley wasn't promised to either family, but we couldn't bring ourselves to break these kids' hearts by taking away a dog they fell in love with before they even met her. So we told the children's mother that they could take Haley and we would continue to look for our dog. She thanked us with tears in her eyes. We left the pet salon without a dog. As we drove away, we saw the kids outside with Haley jumping up and down happily. We knew we made the right decision and figured we would adopt a dog soon.

Sure enough, we found a dog on Petfinder that we were very interested in. She was an Australian Shepherd/German Shepherd mix named Demi. She was very cute, and she was a great mixture of intelligent and protective breeds. We contacted the rescue and were told to go to a pet store to meet her. I went to the pet store by myself to meet Demi and see if she was the right dog for our family. Demi was not there. I waited for the woman who ran the animal rescue to ask her if Demi was going to be there. When it finally became my turn to talk to her, she walked away. I asked another worker for the rescue, and she said that Demi was already adopted. Swing and a miss, strike two. We continued our search.

For the next few weeks, my mother and I searched on Petfinder for a dog. We contacted countless other rescues and shelters. Most of them did not return our e-mails. Finally, we found another dog on Petfinder that we liked named Loretta. The rescue told my mom to call them if she wanted to adopt Loretta. My mother called and left a message. We did not get any response. I e-mailed the head of the rescue and asked if Loretta was already adopted. I got a response, and Loretta had been adopted. Thanks for letting us know.

About two and a half weeks ago, we found some more Australian Shepherd mixes on Petfinder that we were interested in adopting. I contacted the animal rescue, and they put a dog on hold for us. My brother and I went to a pet store to pick her up. Her name was Abigail. She was sweet and beautiful. I held her while we were waiting for her to be examined by the vet and to fill out the adoption forms. We took her home two weeks ago and changed her name to Maizee. She followed me wherever I went. She loved to play fetch outside and lay in the grass. Whenever someone approached her, she rolled over for a belly rub and wagged her tail wildly. After I got home from work on the first Monday we had her, I played with her outside. She ran around our back yard and taunted our other dog by yapping at him and nipping at his heels. As I watered the flowers, Maizee wiggled herself in between the bushes so that she could get her face all wet. With all the running around she did, I was sure she would have a great night's sleep.

But she didn't. Maizee woke up in the middle of the night several times to vomit. She didn't eat breakfast on Tuesday morning. She slept for most of the day. She finally drank some water and played a little bit outside in the late afternoon. She ate some of her food that evening and kept it down. We took her to her scheduled vet appointment the next day. She had a fever, but not a high one. The vet injected some fluids under her skin to bring down the fever and hydrate her. The next day, we found out that she had two types of parasites and that she should be admitted to the animal hospital for an overnight stay. The vet also wanted to test for parvovirus, which is a contagious and potentially fatal virus that attacks the small intestine in puppies and causes vomiting and diarrhea. On Friday morning, we found out that Maizee did indeed have parvovirus. I was devastated. I was afraid that she was going to die.

My mother contacted the rescue by e-mail and left a message on their voice mail. I couldn't even go to work because I was so upset. I spent the day outside of the house and came home to find a message on my answering machine. It was a representative from the rescue asking me how Maizee was doing. She sounded very cheery, as if she didn't know the devastating news that we got that morning. This was several hours after my mother contacted them -- twice. I was too upset to talk about Maizee's health, so I called my mother and asked her to call the rescue. My mother called them and found out that all three of Maizee's litter mates had parvo too. In fact, one of them was treated and released from the rescue's vet. The contract states that the rescue would contact the litter mates' owners if they found out that one of them had a contagious disease or other health problems. They didn't contact us. We contacted them to protect the other puppies, and we weren't even contractually obligated to do so. We just love animals.

Maizee spent four and a half days in the hospital hooked up to IVs. She had a high fever last Saturday that the vet was able to bring down with some fluids and a cool bath. Maizee was discharged from the hospital this past Monday. I was so happy to see her home that I cried. Maizee came home with a hearty appetite, but not her usual playfulness. We figured she was groggy from the medicine.

On Thursday and yesterday, Maizee was particularly sleepy. She did not want to get picked up, and she did not ask for any belly rubs. She squealed whenever someone picked her up to go outside. On Friday, she didn't have breakfast. The vet requested that she be checked out again. Maizee had a high fever. The vet told me that some parvo puppies never get better 100% and to be prepared for that. He said that he would like to admit her in the hospital again and put her on IVs, but a less expensive option would be to inject her with more fluids and give her another medicine for parasites. I decided for the cheaper option, since my mother had already spent thousands of dollars on Maizee's hospital stay and couldn't afford any more large medical bills like that. I called my mother with the news that the vet gave me. She said that she would be calling the rescue to give Maizee back to them so that she can get treatment at their vet. I was too angry to even be upset. When I got home from work last night, Maizee was already on her way back to the rescue.

And I hesitate to call them a rescue. They sold sick puppies to at least four families two weeks ago. What were they rescuing them from? They didn't even make sure that the puppies were healthy before adopting them out. They didn't test them for parvo. A dog rescue organization should know better. Those puppies had parvo before they went to their new homes, since the virus has a hibernation period of one to two weeks. Maizee did not catch any illness from our home. They pick up these dogs from no one knows where and sells them to the first person to wave cash in their faces. They're disgusting and have absolutely no scruples (unless they rescued a dog by that name. Roll over, Scruples!).

All of these rescues that I dealt with operated unethically. One rescue reserved one dog for two families, two adopted out two that were on hold for my family before we even got a chance to meet them, and the last one sold gravely ill puppies to four families (and maybe more).

Maizee might get better while she stays at that rescue's vet. But she won't be our dog again. If she lives, she'll probably be placed on Petfinder again with a description stating that her previous owners didn't realize how expensive a puppy can be and couldn't afford to care for her any longer. She'll be adopted out again to another family who will have no idea how sick she was.

Everybody thinks animal rescues are doing a great thing. After all, they travel the country to rescue animals that would otherwise be euthanized for no good reason so that they can have a second chance at life and be adopted into a loving home. And everybody thinks that they're doing the right thing by adopting a puppy in need instead of buying one from a breeder. I'm writing this to warn anyone who reads this that this is not the case. The best advice I can give is that if you want to adopt, adopt a dog that's at least a year old, one that has all of its vaccinations and has an immune system to fight off other diseases. If you really want a puppy, go to a breeder. Research the breeder and the breed of dog you're interested in. Puppies from breeders spend the first 8 weeks of their lives with their mothers and litter mates and under the scrutiny of their owners. We bought our first dog from a reputable breeder, and he was never as sick in 10 years as Maizee has been in the past two weeks.

I don't know when, how, or if we'll get another dog. It will take us a while to get over the experience we had with immoral rescues and Maizee's sickness. But I do know that we will not make the same mistake again.

Thanks for listening.

WTF: Rapping Conservatives Edition



This is what happens when two young Republicans read the FOX News crawl to some hip hop beats.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Take Action Monday

Tell Congress to pass the Food Safety Enhancement Act of 2009.

Protect the U.S. from dirty coal.

Support the Responsible Education About Life (REAL) Act.

Protect the Florida Panther from extinction.

Restore conservation funding for our national parks.

Encourage President Obama to continue to support healthcare for uninsured children.

Call for the release of all prisoners of conscience in Myanmar.

Urge Congress to pass the Gulf Coast Civic Recovery Act.

Friday, June 12, 2009

So Not Funny, David Letterman



David Letterman made a really gross joke about baseball player Alex Rodriguez and Willow Palin, the teenage daughter of Gov. Sarah Palin, the other night on the Late Show. Momma and Willow went to a Yankee game together the other night, which is already vomit-inducing. Here's the joke:

One awkward moment with Sarah Palin at the Yankee game during the seventh inning, her daughter was knocked up by Alex Rodriguez.

Ew. Ew. The joke doesn't even really make much sense. This joke should be directed towards A-Rod and his brief fling with 50-year-old Madonna. So if the joke was about A-Rod and Sarah Palin hooking up, that might have been funny. But that's not how it went down. The joke implies that Alex Rodriguez, who's 33, impregnated a 14-year-old. That's just nasty.


EDIT: 200th post! What what!

Monday, June 8, 2009

Take Action Monday

I got a new puppy on Saturday! She's an Australian Shepherd/Lab mix named Maizee. My updates might be more sporadic, since I have to care for her. She's quite mischievous.


Urge your Senators to support paid parental leave.

Demand that CVS unlock the condoms.

Tell your Representative to pass the American Clean Energy and Security Act.

Send your condolences to the workers at the late Dr. Tiller's clinic.

Make sure legislators include Planned Parenthood in health care reform.

Urge Republican leaders to condemn the racist attacks against Judge Sonia Sotomayor.

Support a public healthcare option.

Condemn the killing of Dr. Tiller.

Tell the EPA to protect us from toxic pesticides.

Thank New Hampshire for granting marriage rights to gays and lesbians.

Monday, June 1, 2009

New Jerseyites Are Funny

New Jersey is a pretty funny place. Janeane Garofalo, Jon Stewart, Bill Maher, Abott and Costello, and I are all originally from the Garden State. As I'm researching candidates running in the gubernatorial primary, I have to add one more funny person to that list: Democrat Jeff Boss. In his list of things he's going to do as governor:

GET RID OF TOLLS ON THE PARKWAY AT THE UNION, ESSEX, BERGEN TOLL PLAZAS THE FIRST WEEK I AM IN OFFICE OR I WILL RESIGN . . . 

I WILL ALSO BULL DOZE THE UNION, ESSEX, AND BERGEN TOLLS PERSONALLY(WITH THE HELP FROM THE UNIONS AND CONSTRUCTION WORKERS WHO ARE U.S. CITIZENS) WITHIN ONE WEEK OF GETTING INTO OFFICE, OR I WILL RESIGN.

Yes, tolls on the parkway are no laughing matter, especially for me, since I encounter those three toll plazas almost anywhere I go. They're a huge pain in the ass to avoid, unless you like adding a half hour to your ride and driving through the ghetto (both of which I don't mind sometimes). Every person who ever ran for governor in New Jersey has promised to get rid of the tolls. But this guy takes the cake in promising to resign if he personally doesn't eliminate arguably the three busiest toll plazas in the state in his first week. And 95% of his website is in bold caps. Jeff Boss, you are hi-larious. I just might vote for your crazy ass.

Take Action Monday

Send a letter of support to Dr. Tiller's family. Dr. George Tiller was an OB/GYN who provided late-term abortions to women with unhealthy pregnancies, until he was murdered on Sunday morning outside of his church. He was one of the few OB/GYNs in the country who was willing and able to provide this important service to women who would have otherwise died or been seriously injured due to their pregnancies. Dr. Tiller had survived one assassination attempt, a bombing of his clinic, and daily death threats from extremists who would rather see a woman become infertile due to her unhealthy pregnancy, give birth to a dead baby or a baby that will live only a few minutes, or die in childbirth, than to see a man save these women's lives and give them a second chance at motherhood. Dr. Tiller was murdered by one of these extremists in front of his family and in front of his god. My thoughts go out to Dr. Tiller's wife, children, and grandchildren, as well as the many patients of Dr. Tiller, and the women who have to look for a new doctor who is as experienced and compassionate as Dr. Tiller who can provide the legal and life-saving procedures that extremists believe women should have no right to have.

Condemn the racist and sexist attacks against Judge Sonia Sotomayor.

Urge your Senators to support the Paycheck Fairness Act.

Help reduce the threat of nuclear weapons.

Ask Senators Kerry and Lugar to hold a hearing on Sudan.

Thank UN Peacekeepers for their good work.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

New Poll Shows 94% of Lou Dobbs Viewers Don't Use Their Brains

And Lou Dobbs wasn't even on tonight. To answer the question "Why were you watching Lou Dobbs," my mother left the remote on the other side of the room when she went to take a shower, and she was watching Nancy Grace beforehand. Then I was looking at dogs on Petfinder and not paying much attention. But I did pay attention to this ridiculous poll question Dobbs' substitute posited. After reporting a story about a minor disagreement between two coworkers over displaying a giant American flag in a small workplace, this poll was posted on the Lou Dobbs website.

Do you think Americans should be able to display the American flag wherever and whenever they want?

There is a correct answer to this question. 94% said yes, Americans should be able to display the American flag wherever and whenever they want.

WRONG!

Really? Wherever and whenever? So Americans should be able to display the American flag on their car windshields? Americans should be able to display the American flag on an elephant's backside? Americans should be able to display the American flag tightly around the face of their child?

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Take Action Monday on Wednesday

I forgot to post on Monday, so here are the links today. Hope everyone had a wonderful Memorial Day and remembered the people who sacrifice their health and lives to help Americans and others. And even though some military presence and actions hurt more than they help, that's more the fault of selfish policy makers than the soldiers themselves.

Pledge to overturn Proposition 8 in California.

Get your FREE "I support gay marriage" sticker from Credo.

Demand that Republican leaders decry Rush Limbaugh's racism.

Urge President Obama to help all children gain a quality basic education.

Support the Initiating Foreign Assistance Reform Act of 2009.

Hold KBR/Halliburton accountable.

Support an independent Truth Commission to investigate any torture at Guantanmo Bay.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

The Funny & the Fucked Up

The Funny:

Speak for me, Ron Reagan, because I'm way too nice to say it:

Limbaugh hasn't had a natural erection since the Nixon Administration; think he's compensating for something? Now, I wouldn't pick on him for any of this stuff, not his blubbiness, not his man-boobs, not his inability to have a natural erection—none of that stuff—to me, off limits until! until! Mr. Limbaugh, you turn that sort of gun on somebody else—once you start doing that, you're fair game, fat boy. Absolutely, you jiggly pile of mess. You're just fair game, and you're going to get it, too.

The Fucked Up:

NBC cancelled My Name is Earl?!?!?!?! Ugh!

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Two Mini Rants

Mini Rant 1: Learn what petite means.

I went shopping for new jeans the other day. I'm short, so the hardest part about finding jeans is getting them in the right length. So I go to the petite section in Macy's and they have the nerve to put jeans on this rack like ten feet above my head. Is that supposed to be funny? I was in the petite section! What the hell are clothes doing all the way up there? After grabbing every pair of jeans in my size I could find, I head for the dressing room. And, of course, none of them fit. All of those petite jeans were too LONG. What the fuck? When the hell does "short" mean "for women who are 5'7"? I'm almost 5'2". I'm not a hobbit, damn it!

Then I got real desperate and went into Old Navy, a store with which I have ethical issues, because they have jeans with short lengths. Oh, but guess what? They don't make jeans with a 30" inseam in sizes 0-2. But they have size 20 pants with 30" inseams! So I either have to be 6 feet tall and weigh 100 pounds or be 5 feet tall and weigh 300 pounds. Isn't normal good enough anymore?

Mini Rant 2: Honking your horn at me when I'm walking down the street is not a pick-up line.

When I'm walking down the street, don't fucking honk at me. What do you think? "Hey, if I honk at that girl, she'll see that I have a (wait for it) car! Then she'll be mine!" I have a car too, douche. I'm not impressed with the fact that you have a car that has a functioning horn. Because horns come standard on all vehicles now.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Finally! A Chocolate Bar for Women . . . .

to throw in a public pool!

Take Action Monday on Tuesday

I was too sleepy yesterday after work to post the TAM, so here it is today!

Support comprehensive healthcare coverage for all Americans, especially children.

Tell President Obama to repeal "Don't ask, don't tell."

Demand Governor Rendell speak out against Luis Ramirez's death.

Support the Youth PROMISE Act.

Urge President Obama to act to save lives in Sri Lanka.

Help empower Afghan women.

Friday, May 15, 2009

WTF: Facebook Quiz Edition

So I was just reading the stalkery news feed on my Facebook homepage, and one of my friends from high school took a quiz called What is Your Actual Ethnicity. If that wasn't WTF enough, her results were African American, and the explanation of the results go thusly:

You're a very independent person who knows what they want in life. You have reasonable skill in sports, you're tall and attractive. You like to get down to the basics, go hunting with the boys, run around in tall grasses, etc... You're very dedicated to your friends--your group.

Really? "Run around in tall grasses?" I mean, not that the other stereotypes aren't offensive, but at least they're actual stereotypes. Where the hell did "run around in tall grasses" come from? And "chucking spears at the po-po" would have just sent me over the top.

UPDATE: Here are my results:

Asian: You're super smart, good with computers and cars, love seafood and wearing colorful robes. You are very strict with your traditions and you keep close contact with your family.

Again, WTF??? I seriously can't stop laughing at how racist/inaccurate this is. I think I just have to take this quiz again.

UPDATE: I took the quiz again, this time, putting in my second choice answers. Seriously, if you get offended easily, stay as far away from this quiz as possible.

American: You're a free and independent thinker. You like to make the rules and then switch them up every so often. Change is key. You take pride in almost everything you have, say, or do, and are always looking for the new and improved. You're open to lots of new ideas but are closed to the idea of doing your own work to accomplish your goals.

*sigh* I need to go eat fish in my colorful robe now.

How Human Events Will Kill Young Republicans

If the Republicans are really trying to open their arms to a younger crowd and distance themselves from the crotchety old dudes that the party is really all about, they're doing a very shitty job.

Conservative rag Human Events is giving away a new book called The Ultimate Man's Survival Guide. Here's what this book will teach American guys:

It gives young men what they need to become not effete "metrosexuals" skilled at the ins and outs of high fashion and cocktail chat, but well-rounded men who can fight off bears and alligators, create a tourniquet out of a t-shirt, set a dislocated joint, rescue a drowning person—and pick the perfect cigar and bottle of wine.

No book, especially one that's being given away buy Human Events for free, is going to adequately teach a young Republican how to successfully beat an alligator or a bear in a fight. But if this book inspires more young Republicans to pick fights with wild animals, then that'll just be OK.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Anti-Feminist Dating Service: Phil Kidd

Hey, ladies. Say hello to Reverend Phil Kidd. Now shut up! Why? Because Reverend Kidd believes there are some times when women need to shut up, and if you want this guy to love you, you don't want to turn him off by speaking. And if you think it's just your voice that Kidd is concerned with, you're dead wrong, ladies. He's such a great guy, and he cares about the world so much, he needs to protect the world from the horrors of lady self-expression, such as

Wearing pants,
Singing,
Bob haircuts, and
Helping children (because it turns them gay)

He's also a tender fellow. Just look at the way he's holding that woman in the picture. He's protecting her from floating away. After all, gravity is just a theory.

So if you want to spend a very quiet life with Reverend Kidd, give him a call, and say nothing when he picks up.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Take Action Monday

Urge your representatives to support the Community Choice Act for seniors.

Help end heat related deaths on farms in California.

Tell FOX to stop cropping the news.

Support abolishing nuclear weapons.

Help expand UNICEF funding.

Stop plans to mine for uranium in the Grand Canyon.

Demand that Luis Ramirez' murder be prosecuted as a federal hate crime.

Help children gain access to quality basic education.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

What's Hanging from Your Liberty Tree?

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Sean Hannity's Liberty Tree
colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full EpisodesPolitical HumorGay Marriage


I got the idea for my new poll from Thursday night's The Colbert Report. So what's hanging from your Liberty Tree?

Thursday, May 7, 2009

WTF: Jesus License Plate Edition

Because nothing says "sunshine" quite like Jesus' crucifixion.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Funny Mother's Day Video

MoveOn.org made another funny customizable video; this time, it's for the great moms in our lives. Just type in the name of your mom, grandma, godmother -- any lady you'd call mom if only she pushed you out of her vagina -- and send it away by this Sunday.

Just Point and Laugh

Great Britian released part of a list of people that are banned from entering the country. There are some pretty uncool people on that list. Two of them are right-wing hate-monger (am I being redundant?) Michael Savage and homophobic pastor (again, am I?) Fred Phelps. Now, I'm not saying what Great Britain is doing is right. But I do think it's pretty hilarious. And it's better than those two being banned from leaving the country.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Take Action Monday

Support microfinance opportunities that help women get out of poverty.

Urge Sudan's allies to allow humanitarian groups to care for Darfuri refugees.

Tell your Senators to confirm Dawn Johnsen for assistant Attorney General.

Help restore protections for endangered species.

Demand justice for Black farmers.

Tell Congress to impeach Jay Bybee.

Urge President Obama to appoint a woman to the Supreme Court.

Take action against child marriage.

Friday, May 1, 2009

The Funny & the Fucked Up

The Funny:


The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c
Grading Obama
thedailyshow.com
Daily Show
Full Episodes
Economic CrisisFirst 100 Days


The Daily Show's Larry Wilmore rates President Obama's first 100 days, and he's not happy.

And here are the latest [A] Funny Poll results:

Would you teabag President Obama?

Yes indeed: 0 votes
No way: 1 vote
*unintelligible*: 4 votes

I'll put up a new poll once I think of a question.

The Fucked Up:



Rep. Virginia Foxx (R-NC) calls the story of Matthew Sheperd's murder a hoax, despite all evidence to the contrary. Then, she apologizes for her "poor word choice," not for the fact that she doesn't have her shit straight.

A Little Bit of Both:




Carrie "Opposite Marriage" Prejean becomes the spokes-darling for the National Organization for Marriage (for some people). Here she is reading at Ron Burgundy level and not knowing when to stop answering questions. Unfortunately, nobody asked Miss Prejean that if she thinks she lost the Miss USA pageant because of her views on marriage equality, does that mean Miss South Carolina from the 2007 Miss Teen USA pageant lost because of her views on international map availability? Seriously, access to marriage and maps are both extremely controversial issues in this country. But I'd just like to tell Miss Prejean that she didn't lose because of her opposition to gay marriage. She lost because she has love handles. Come on, this is a beauty pageant we're talking about.

And to update, the purse and bag that were stolen from my house on Monday morning were found by neighbors and returned on Friday. All the was stolen then was my mother's wallet.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Take Action Monday on Tuesday

I didn't post my Take Action segment yesterday because someone broke into my house early Monday morning. Can you believe that? They broke in through a window that was accidentally left open. That's probably the third time in 18 years that we left a window on the first floor open, and somebody breaks in! They didn't take much. They stole my mother's purse and another bag that she takes to work that's full of paperwork. And although my mother and brother were very mad at our dog for not preventing the break-in (nobody said Labs were great watch dogs anyway), I think he scared the burglar off. Our back storm door was left wide open, which indicates that the burglar was preparing to steal some big stuff. However, our televisions, my mother's iPod, our Bose stereo, our DVD player, and our computer weren't stolen. None of those things looked like they were even touched. So I think our dog was sleeping outside our bedroom doors and didn't hear the window open. But he ran downstairs when he heard the back door open and scare away whoever was trying to steal from us. He might have growled and let out a few warning barks, which we wouldn't have heard from our bedrooms. And by the time the dog got downstairs, the burglar was probably already gone. So I think my pooch did good. Anyway . . . .

Support the Global Food Security Act.

Call for the release of Roxana Saberi.

Tell Congress to vote against increased war funding.

Support the free speech of federal scientists.

Help confirm Kathleen Sebelius. 

Urge the President and Congress to investigate torture.

Support international family planning funding.

Monday, April 20, 2009

5 Words You Need to Use to Win at Feministing

There's a little bit of a blog war between Feministing and Voz_Latina over anti-trans/cis-centered comments left by Feministing users in posts about trans issues. Honestly, I don't think bloggers are responsible for the people who comment. They're only responsible for what they write. But that's not really the point. No one's going to argue that the editors at Feministing sufficiently report on trans issues, because they don't. This wouldn't be a problem if they didn't update their blog 80 times a day and pass themselves off as all-inclusive. But anyway . . . .

Feministing has fixed their trans issue comment problem. They've issued a moratorium on comments in posts about trans issues. Because there's nothing worse than having a discussion about things that all of us could understand better. But there are still a few words you're allowed to use without getting banned or yelled at. Five words to be exact, and I guarantee that if you use any of these words or their derivatives, in any context, no less than 10 people will click "I liked this comment." 

1. Objectification
2. Privilege
3. Heteronormative
4. Cisexist
5. Othering

I can hear you now. "But, Emily. I don't really know what any of these words mean. How can I pwn in the Feministing community without knowing what the fuck I'm talking about?" The beauty of this system is that you don't have to know what these words mean or what the fuck you're talking about, because very few of the people who are reading the comments know what these words mean or what the fuck they're talking about. You just have to use these words, and people will like your comment to make sure they're not othering you in their own privileged, objectifying way.

Take Action Monday

Take a stand against climate change.

Inform Congress of insurance company deception.

Help stop discriminatory sentencing in drug cases.

Support clemency for Troy Davis.

Demand that torturers are prosecuted.

Tell your Congressperson to support the Matthew Shepherd Act.

Promote democracy and peace in Afghanistan.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

"Ah, POOP! You never let us down!"

I wasn't expecting the wingnuts who took a day off of work to attend the TEA parties to be the smartest bunch of Americans. But I didn't know there were still people out there who don't know what POOP stands for!




No, lady. This is what POOP stands for.

A Message to Right-Wingers

Sometimes, a name is just a name. It's not like our names are our destiny. Alright, I do think about it sometimes. Like, Simon Cowell is kind of a mean guy, and if you take his first initial and his last name, it spells "Scowell" which sounds like "scowl". But I just see it as a fun thing. I don't really believe that Simon Cowell was destined to be a guy who scowls a lot on American Idol because of the name thing. But wingnuts don't see it this way. Remember this?




And remember all the "omigod! his middle name is Hussein! He must have something to do with Saddam Hussein!" BS that I don't have to link to here because everyone remembers it?

Well, it seems like this is an actual right-wing tactic.

Kel Munger of the Sacramento News & Review posted about how there were very few people of color at the TEA Party in Sacramento. A very angry lady named Liz had this to say:

I don’t know whether you’re some kind of hate monger … maybe goes with your last name, Munger.

And maybe Liz likes lizards because her name is Liz and the first three letters of "lizard" are L-I-Z. Or maybe she eats them! Or maybe she gave birth to one! Or maybe she is one! Oh no! Watch out for the Lizard Woman of Sacramento! George W. Bush was right about stem cell research after all!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

[A] Funny Poll Results, and a New Poll

Before I post the new poll, here are the results of the last [A] Funny Poll.

How can Rush Limbaugh make you like him?

Pay me to kick him in the nuts: 23% (6 votes)
Sell his golden mic and donate the money to NOW: 7% (2 votes)
Move to a planet outside our solar system: 7% (2 votes)
Never speak again: 26% (7 votes)
He can't do anything to win me over, but I'd like to watch him struggle 15 votes (57%)


I was definitely part of the majority. And the next poll question is . . . .

Would you tea bag President Obama?

Monday, April 13, 2009

Take Action Monday

Support the global eradication of polio.

Thank the legislators in Vermont who support marriage equality.

Help reverse the effects of rising mercury levels on seals.

Support clean water for women everywhere.

Tell China to stop the executions of Tibetans.

Ask Congress to support energy efficiency.

Support prison system reform.

Stop sexual assault in the military.

Tell Iowa to support marriage equality.

Defend Michelle Obama's organic garden from pesticide lobbyists.

Friday, April 10, 2009

BREAKING NEWS: Rush Limbaugh is an Unattractive Woman

Feminism was established so as to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream of society. It's proved practically every day in our modern culture.

Which can only mean one thing. Rush Limbaugh is an unattractive woman. And he only says "practically every day" because he takes a day off every once in a while.



via Media Matters

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Important Questions, Conservative Wingnuts!

Asking questions is a sign of deep thought. And since conservative pundits aren't really into thinking, they don't ask the smartest questions. But they do ask important questions, and by "important questions," I mean they ask really ridiculous questions that I will then make fun of. 

First, Debbie Schlussel, who is . . . somebody asked a very important question after President Obama told an audience in Turkey that he is one of many Americans who has lived in a predominantly Muslim nation and has Muslim family members:

[B]ut which "one of them?"

BOTH, YOU MORON! He lived in Indonesia and has Muslim family members! Now answer me this, Debbie Schlussel. 

How can you be a conservative and wear tie-dye? Pick a side, lady!*

Next comes a very important question posed by Rush Limbaugh. Today he talked about the PUMA by Segway. It's like a cross between a regular Segway and the Pope Mobile, except unlike the Pope Mobile, the PUMA senses cars and people and moves out of the way automatically (now that's infallibility!). This is just a prototype, and there are undoubtedly some kinks to work out. Rush will probably send this complaint to Segway ASAP.

What I want to know is what's going to stop a car from running into it?

Gee, I don't know, Rush. Perhaps the person driving the car?! Will somebody please shake this man?




*Debbie Schlussel is wearing a hand-died baby's onesie by Maggie's Functional Organics. Probably.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Take Action Monday

Help get the Dalai Lama a visa to enter South Africa.

Urge your Representative to pass comprehensive hate crimes legislation.

Ask President Obama to regulate carbon emissions.

End "corrective rape" of lesbians in South Africa.

Ask Secretary of State Clinton why the U.S. continues to supply weapons to Israel.

Demand that medical errors be publicized and prevented.

Tell Foreign Affairs Chairman Howard Berman to make foreign aid more effective in fighting poverty.

Friday, April 3, 2009

The Funny Stuff

Third week in a row of just funny stuff!



This is a hilarious video of actual things fundamentalist Christians have said. The quotes are from Fundies Say the Darndest Things*



Joe the Pretend Plumber hopes the mainstream media doesn't make this inquisitive blogger as famous as the mainstream media made Joe the Pretend Plumber.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c
Borderline Cops
comedycentral.com
Daily Show Full EpisodesEconomic CrisisPolitical Humor


On a slow news day after a week-long vacation, The Daily Show goes with the cash cow of comedy: The Minute Men!

And, the trailer we've all been waiting for . . . .




That was TOTALLY Ron Paul!




*When I typed that into Goolge, it said "Did you mean 'undies say the dandiest things?'"

Monday, March 30, 2009

Important Question, OneVike!

Some blogger called OneVike railed against the lady vote, saying that we're slipping down an emotional slope lubed up with tears because of the 19th Amendment. They ask this very important question:

It is this very emotional kind of feelings that is getting Americans to go along with Global Warming? Think about it?

Well, that's a no-brainer. The answer is obviously, Always listen to your lady teacher when she's teaching you grammar!

Take Action Monday

Tell Senator Arlen Spector to allow the Senate to vote on the Employee Free Choice Act.

Ask Attorney General Holder to appoint an independent prosecutor to investigate torture.

Help prevent another Exxon Valdez oil spill.

Tell your governors to take dog fighting seriously.

Support the REAL Act and comprehensive sex education.

Tell Congress to pass a strong climate bill.

Support action towards a nuclear weapons-free world.

Tell advertisers to stop supporting Bill O'Reilly's harassment.

Check out the 25 ways to use your blog for social change.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

The Funny and the Fucked Up (Mostly Funny Stuff, Though)

The Funny



Pope condoms! I'm still not sure whether these are more or less effective than Trojans. The Pope believes that condoms spread HIV, so of course his brand would need to suck in order for the prophecy to be self-fulfilled. But I think the Pope's face on a rubber is enough to kill the romance.



Portia de Rossi apologizes for marry Ellen DeGeneres on Jimmy Kimmel Live.

The following videos have nothing to do with anything, but they're still funny. Enjoy these infomercial parodies:







A Little Bit of Both

Alan Keyes' latest hydrophobic rant is against Norte Dame for inviting President Obama to speak at this year's commencement. We get it, Keyes. Now that Barack Obama is the President and Michael Steele is the head of the Republican Party, you're the other other Black guy. You're a notch below Tracy Morgan when he was on Saturday Night Live. It's a sucky place, but it's yours now. Anyway, I wouldn't suggest reading the whole thing. The three paragraphs posted at Pandagon were enough to make me cry.

Friday, March 27, 2009

I'm Funnier Than Rush

Yes, I am. It's not much of an accomplishment, but I think it could pad my resume. 

Rush Limbaugh attempted to make a joke on his show today. This is what I think happened. His first thought was "I'm going to tell a joke." Then, mid-joke-telling, probably due to chronic drug abuse, he totally forgot that anyone listening to him might be expecting to laugh after he finished speaking. And therefore . . . .

The old joke is this: God is watching The Oprah Winfrey Show, and he's just had it, 'cause he figures the human race -- and then he heard about Obama being invited at commencement speech at Notre Dame. He says, "That's just -- Notre Dame is inviting somebody who believes in infanticide to give the commencement speech? The most anti-life president in the history of the country and Notre Dame extends a commencement invite?" God, watching that and the Oprah show, says it's over. Humanity has failed. I have to step in. I'm going to end the world.

Buh-dum ching!

Monday, March 23, 2009

WTF: Joe the Plumber Edition



To answer the question on everyone's mind: Yes, some people still care what Joe the Plumber has to say. There's an organization that still cares about Joe the Plumber, and that organization is popular enough to fill a room of people who want to listen to Joe the Plumber speak. And if that wasn't nutty enough, some of them actually care about whether or not he is currently experiencing sexual arousal. I know all of this because Joe the Plumber uttered the following sentence in front of a group of people at an event sponsored by the Media Research Center:

I'm horny.

Well, that clear podium isn't gonna hide anything.

via Pandagon

Take Action Monday

Urge your Senators to support the Serve America Act and provide national service opportunities for all generations.

Speak out to overturn the HHS refusal rule.

Support the bill to end Canada's commercial seal hunt.

Speak out against mountaintop coal mining.

Tell President Obama and Congress to halt the surge of American troops to Afghanistan.

Ask Congress to reform the Bush Administration's costly and ineffective immigration policies.

Tell Congress to work on healthcare reform.

Urge Congress to keep Citigroup from using bailout money to pay anti-middle class lobbyists.

Demand that governors accept stimulus funding and help the people who need it.

Tell the federal Minerals Management Service to halt all new drilling in the Arctic seas.

Tell Governor Schwarzenegger to make sure protections for farm workers are enforced.

Friday, March 20, 2009

So Not Funny, President Obama!



President Obama isn't a very good bowler. He's also not good at making jokes. Last night on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, the President made this tacky joke about his lack of bowling skills:

Leno: Now, are they going to put a basketball -- I imagine the bowling alley has been just burned and closed down.

Obama: No, no. I have been practicing all -- (laughter.)

Leno: Really? Really?

Obama: I bowled a 129. (Laughter and applause.)

Leno: No, that's very good. Yes. That's very good, Mr. President.

Obama: It's like -- it was like Special Olympics, or something. (Laughter.)

Leno: No, that's very good.

Obama: No, listen, I'm making progress on the bowling, yes.


Leave the jokes to Leno. Or maybe not, since he's not that funny either.

I'm pretty sure the conservative pundits are going to be all over this. And while they really have no right to criticize the President's comments, I'd still love to hear what Rush and Michael Savage have to say.

UPDATE: via Media Matters, here was Rush's reaction. Real rich!

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Mini Rant: Dora is a Cartoon. She Doesn't Have to be Practical

I'm still Dora, damn it!

Is it me, or is there a lot of needless pearl-clutching over the new look for Dora the Explorer? What surprises me most are the comments about Dora's outfit. Veronica at Viva la Feminista says, "Yes, they are cute, but they are not adventurous shoes." Alex Alvarez of Gunabee predicts, "Her Limited Too tunic is totally going to get caught on a fence mid-environmental rally." Both commentators make some good points about Dora's revamping, so why mention the clothes? She looks like the average 11 or 12 year old of today.

But she's also a cartoon. Why does she have to be practical? Maybe we should ask Boots, her talking blue monkey friend, what's sensible for a 12-year-old to wear while she's going on adventures in the Amazon. The whole show is a fantasy. That's the point! She's a cartoon. Are people seriously going to worry about girls learning that they can go exploring with ribbons on their tunics on a show that could be teaching our kids (keep in mind, our really dumb kids) that befriending wild animals is totally safe? Give me a break, people.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Mini Rant: Give It a Rest, TLC!

TLC is premiering yet another series about families with a zillion kids. This one's called Table for 12. It's about a family with two sets of twins and sextuplets. I don't think I have to tell you what color they are, or what the mother does for a living. Please, TLC. Stop it already. Or at least make a show called "16 Kids, 14 Fathers."

Monday, March 16, 2009

My Prayers Have Been Manswered! Well, Not Really



I was flipping through the channels on Sunday night and stumbled upon this show called "Manswers" on Spike. Like mantyhouse and the manssiere, manswers are totally different from their female counterparts. The clip that I saw (posted above) answers the important question "How much blood can you lose before you die?" I'm pretty sure the average pig-headed Spike viewer finished watching this hoping they didn't miss anything important, because you lost them at Naughty Nurse #3. 


The answer is 4 pints, in case you were curious.

Take Action Monday

Protect endangered tigers from logging in Indonesia.

Tell CNBC: Listen to Jon Stewart and report the news.

Learn more about pharmacy refusals of birth control.

Tell Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner and Congress to do whatever it takes to get our bailout money back from AIG.

Tell Bank of America and CitiGroup to stop spending bailout money on Wal-Mart lobbyists.

Tell Congress to pass strong climate legislation now.

Urge the Senate to give relief to struggling homeowners.

Tell the Sudanese government to allow aid groups back into Darfur.

Help protect our forests.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Do My Job for Me, Easy Curves!



You know what would make this commercial even better?




Billy Mays. He's a pretty big boob, but he could be bigger.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Just Funny Stuff

No fucked up stuff today. Just funny stuff.




Kristen Schaal from The Daily Show puts on a fashion show for Michelle Obama.



This is just as dumb as using "gay" when you really mean "stupid." But it is funnier.

Parenting tips
via Pandagon. But there are those days when I wonder if this book should be moved from "Humor" to "Reference."

Thursday, March 12, 2009

A Funny Poll Results

I had a poll going on for a while, and now it's officially closed. I realized that the first to options can be interpreted the same way, but it was too late to change it because someone already voted. Here are the results:

WHEN YOU CALL SOMEONE A DICKHEAD, WHAT ARE YOU REALLY TELLING THEM?

They have a dick for a head 16 (50%)
They have a dick instead of a head 10 (31%)
They're the head of a dick 6 (18%)



The first one was supposed to be "They have a dick on their head," which is totally different from what I actually put, and it makes me wonder what my problem was that day.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Mini Rant: Your Efforts to be Right Makes You Sound Insane

Women, feminist women especially, hear my call. You don't have to be right all the damn time. Sometimes, it's nice to be wrong. When you have this long-standing belief that makes you feel like shit and like the world is against you, it feels wonderful to be proven wrong. But it seems like some people still feel the need to be "right," by which I mean wrong, since they're holding on to a belief that is based on things that might have been true at one point in time or were never true in the first place. Instead of relieving themselves of this oppressive burden, they choose to remain oppressed just so that they can be "right." Case in point (I feel like this isn't going to be a mini rant after all). 

Feministing has been publishing some anti-fashion posts lately from their community bloggers. As someone who shops like a fiend, I get pissed off with this supposedly basic feminist gripe with fashion. These posts become a breeding ground for those who believe there are no clothes on earth that look and feel good for them and that everyone else in the world, especially the skinny ladies, have wonderfully amazing experiences with shopping and fashion. As a skinny lady, I know this to be false. Shopping is tough for everybody and, like anything, it takes some hard work to find clothes that work for your shape. It doesn't matter if you're tall, short, plus-sized, or petite, we all have to put in some effort to make our clothes look great. The good news is that your efforts will pay off. But you wouldn't know that by reading what some of these feminists had to say about "mom jeans." After reading the good news that I spread about shopping being sort of an ordeal for everybody but there's great stuff out there for women of all sizes, people had to save face by holding on to their irrational belief that they're freakish and that the fashion industry is horrible and that I have it much easier as a thin person than they do as a fat person. In other words, they just reinforce the fallacies that the people who want them to feel bad about their bodies have been telling them they're whole lives. In other words, there's no use in holding on to this belief unless you value being "right" over feeling good about yourself, which is something that only people with a serious mental illness do.

Exhibit two. Someone asks if high heels are oppressive or empowering. I say neither, and I squash the rumor that heels are uncomfortable. I have several pairs of heels that are comfortable, and it doesn't take much effort to find them. I even suggested wedges and platforms, which are way more comfortable than stillettos and still give height. Pure wisdom, right? Not for the feminists who believe they must be uncomfortable at all times so that they can prove to the world that women are forced to wear stuff that makes them feel like shit! I didn't get the memo that women are pressured to wear shoes and garments that hurt. I'm glad I didn't. Or maybe I did but I threw it in the trash. And then the women in this thread went through my trash, read that memo, and thought it was a good idea to live by it, against the better judgment that their feminism allows them to exercise without feeling like a jerk. You know, the better judgment that liberated women have that they use when it's convenient and abandon when it's time to prove why they're feminists in the first place. The better judgment that I use to look good and feel comfortable and not blame uncomfortable shoes and ill-fitting clothes on The Man instead of my own choices. Because apparently there's so little evidence to support our belief in gender equality that we need to make shit up to talk about. All in the effort to be "right," though, which is more important than anything else.

Someone in the high heels thread actually claimed that I believe that people aren't influenced by society when making their clothing decisions, despite saying nothing of the sort (refer to the serious mental illness bit above). If there's anything that should hurt more than heels, it's definitely picking a lie that gigantic out of your own ass. Anyway, there are plenty of people who base their clothing choices solely on what the powers that be expect them to wear. That's one trend I don't follow. It's not worth it. My clothing decisions are based on my body and mind. I've looked at myself closely in the mirror with just my undies on many times. I've noticed some things about it. I love my body a lot, even though there's a lot to it that people probably would want me to hate. Too bad for them though. I put on clothes that look good on me, and I get them altered if need be to really look my best. I feel great and look great. Pretty neat. Not to someone who calls themselves a feminist but still insists that people who take time to look great can't possibly make these clothing decisions based on anything but the patriarchy. If I did dress myself according to what the powers that be want me to, there would be a lot of things I would be doing at the expense of looking and feeling my best:

  • I'd be stuffing my 34 A bra. But I don't. I don't buy padded bras either, unless I can take the padding out. Taking the padding out of a 34 A. That's empowering
  • I'd be wearing skinny jeans. But I don't. I've tried them on, and they're really made for women who don't have much in the hip area. That's not me, so I don't wear them.
  • I'd be wearing maxi dresses. But I don't. Maxi dresses are for women who are taller than average. I'm only 5'2", so to-the-floor dresses would make me look even shorter. That's not what I want, and it's not worth looking like an elf for the sake of a trend.
  • I would try to gain weight so that people would stop calling me anorexic or complimenting me for the weight that's due to my genes.
  • After gaining some weight, I'd try to lose that weight based on other people telling me that I looked better the other way.
  • I would hate my body and my very self. 
But there are women out there, feminist women even, who prefer to look and feel like shit in order to validate their beliefs. They also prefer to try to make the feminists who disagree with them feel like shit. They try to take advantage of the fact that most women are unhappy with themselves, but don't realize that they're talking to someone who is very satisfied with herself (thank you feminism!). It makes no sense. Is it better to be "right" than to be sane? I enjoy being both.

WTF: Shampoo Edition

I got this Herbal Essences "body envy" shampoo and used it for the first time today. Even though directions on all shampoos are generally the same, I decided to read the directions on this bottle of shampoo, just to make sure I didn't have to repeat or whatever. Well, it's a good thing shampoos generally work the same way, because these directions would have confused the crap out of any poor soul who didn't know how to use shampoo.

use me: work your hair into a lather-frenzy. rinse and repeat -- are you full yet?

I think my shampoo just came on to me . . . .

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Take Action Monday on Tuesday

Last week must have been pretty humorless, because I didn't update!

Tell your members of Congress to support the Employee Free Choice Act.

Urge your Senators to include family planning funding in the new budget.

Tell your Senators to support a strong mortgage modification bill.

Support civil marriage in Lebanon.

Tell President Obama to make fighting extreme poverty a priority.

Show your support of current research into the prevention and treatment of chronic child neglect.

Support paid parental lead.

Monday, March 2, 2009

WTF of the Day

Kansas is proposing adding an Equal Rights Amendment to their state constitution.

“Quality of rights under the law shall not be denied or abridged by the state or any of its political or taxing subdivisions on account of sex.”

Very simple. Straight forward. Innocuous. Something that everybody can get behind. Right? Not so much.

But Catholic and anti-abortion groups worry that an ERA could make it impossible for the state to restrict abortions or curtail Medicaid-funded abortions.

“If we allow it to pass, Kansans will wake up one day wondering how a right to unrestricted and taxpayer-funded abortion was smuggled into our constitution,” said Beatrice Swoopes, a lobbyist with the Kansas Catholic Conference.


WTF? Seriously, someone answer that one for me.

Take Action Monday

Hooray for snow day!!!

Thank President Obama for repealing the anti-choice HHS rule.

Tell Attorney General Holder that Karl Rove must testify, as per U.S. law when you're subpoenaed. Duh!

Help pass the Paycheck Fairness Act.

Tell President Obama to appoint a special envoy to the Congo.

Ask President Obama to allow human rights groups to investigate the prisons at Guantanamo Bay.

End forced labor in Florida (Yes, Florida, USA).

Join 1 Million Women and Families Strong for Healthcare Reform.

Get a playlist! Standalone player Get Ringtones