Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Bush Needs a Dictionary

The Bush administration wants to make a new rule that allows federal grant money to be given to hospitals and other healthcare organizations that oppose abortion. This rule will also not allow hosptials and healthcare providers to deny to hire someone based on their moral oppositions to abortion. So, I guess if you're a nurse who opposes birth control but decides to work at an OB/GYN's office anyway, you can get paid to do nothing. Suddenly, I'm reconsidering my career path.

But what does the Bush administration mean by "abortion?" Whas is an abortion really? I'll give you some time to take a stab at it . . .


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Okay, did you guess? My guess is "the termination of a pregnancy." Now let's see what the Bush administration's definition of an abortion is:

any of the various procedures — including the prescription, dispensing and administration of any drug or the performance of any procedure or any other action — that results in the termination of the life of a human being in utero between conception and natural birth, whether before or after implantation.

Uhhhhh . . . okay. So an abortion is basically anything that happens to a fertilized egg that keeps it from coming out of a vagina as a screaming baby covered in slime. Emergency contraception -- that could be an abortion. Birth control pills -- could be an abortion. Intrauterine contraceptives -- abortion, maybe. Passing a fertilized egg during your period because maybe it didn't fertilize in an optimal place in the Fallopian tube, or because you were deficient in some vitamin, or because you were really stressed out about the possibility of unintentionally having an abortion according to the Bush administration -- well, hot damn, that's definitely an abortion!

So, ladies, if you've ever been sexually active, even if you used protection, since there's always the possibility of protection failing and conception occurring, you just might have already had an abortion, according to Bush. Can't wait to tell a pro-lifer!

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