Take Action Monday

Say no to Title X funding for crisis pregnancy centers.

Tell your Representatives to help fight hunger in America.

Urge Barack Obama to focus on eliminating childhood death in poor countries.

Ask Reebok to keep its NHL gear manufacturing plants in North America (where the NHL plays).

Just say no to Rick Warren.

Rick Warren Wants to Fuck You

Rick Warren talked about his dirty inclinations to Ann Curry of ABC this week. He confessed,

I'm naturally inclined to have sex with every beautiful woman I see!

And after listening to that, my natural inclination is to *BARF*

Take Action Monday

Tell the Mormon church to prove they're not anti-gay.

Demand that Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal launch an investigation of white vigilante violence after Katrina.

Stop Bush's last minute attacks on the environment.

Tell clothing store Zara to support unions.

Urge the Obama administration to overturn harmful anti-choice HHS rule.

Help raise awareness of childhood cancers.

Share your priorities with new Labor Secretary Hilda Solis.

Ask Obama to create an Office on Women.

Anti-Feminist Dating Service: Matthew Chancey

This guy must be doing something right if he has inspired a new segment at [A] Funny Feminist. Introducing Anti-Feminist Dating Service, where you can review the manliest men on Earth. In fact, this manly man above just earned himself the Old Spice Man of the Year Award. Swoon! Here he is -- Matthew Chancey.

Matthew Chancey, 32, is a total man's man. He's no metrosexual pansy boy. Blue socks with brown shoes? What a nightmare in coordination! One man's fashion faux pas is a manly man's proof of hardcore manliness. His hobbies include swing dancing, keeping chickens, and rifle wielding. And now that he's Old Spice's Man of the Year, he's got money, honey, and a supply of Old Spice products to boot. Oh la la! Tres chic! And if that doesn't make you want to rip your panties off, he's also a Christian Reconstructionist, a political movement that is anti-suffrage and believes in women's submission to their husbands. He is married, though, to the ultimate woman, the creator of Ladies Against Feminism and all things modern. But I'm sure a manly man like Matthew Chancey would totally go for some submissive young tail on the side. Who's up for some unprotected sex through a hole in the sheet? So on your next hot date, don't just take a chance -- take a Matthew Chancey!

The Funny & the Fucked Up

The Funny:

Protect Marriage, Protect Children, Prohibit Divorce - watch more funny videos

Californians try to put an anti-divorce measure on the ballot using the same reasoning of the pro-Prop 8 crowd.

The Fucked Up:

Anti-woman, anti-LGBT pastor Rick Warren to give invocation at Obama's inauguration.

Bush signs HHS rule that defines abortion as anything that keeps a woman who fucks from giving birth and allows just about anyone to deny basic reproductive healthcare.

Remember the Time GGOT Came to Marist College?

I'm so psyched that the Guerrilla Girls on Tour recently commented on my blog. *thumbs up* I thought this would be a good time to talk about when I got GGOT to perform "Feminists Are Funny" at my college. The story isn't as funny as it is horrifying. It was quite an ordeal, so they might remember it too. Here it goes.

I was basically appointed president of the Gender Equality Club during the last semester of my junior year at Marist College, since nobody else wanted the job (Marist isn't very feministy.). At the suggestion of a friend, my first order of business was to get GGOT to perform "Feminists Are Funny" at the beginning of the next fall semester. My VP (hey, Diana!) and I didn't think this was going to be a big deal. But we were way wrong. Getting GGOT to perform at Marist was going to cost $1500, which we didn't have. I think we were only able to get $500 for performances and the rest we had to get a co-sponsorship for. We thought the Student Programming Council would be cool and fund part of the project, since they basically have the college's money at their disposal. GGOT sent me a video and a press packet of all their promotional stuff and positive reviews, and I gave that to the Student Programming Council. They didn't like what they saw and denied to fund the rest of the project. Basically, we were screwed.  One of the GGOT, Aphra, suggested that we ask for the money from other departments. So Diana and I worked our butts off for a couple of months begging the different Liberal Arts departments to give us what little funding they had to help us out. Luckily, we got the rest of the funding from almost every Liberal Arts department. By the time we got the rest of the money,  it was September, so we only had a couple of weeks to promote the shit out of this thing. The week before the performance was a women's conference featuring Adrienne Rich (I totally vented to her about the whole GGOT planning fiasco, and she was very sympathetic. That was a rough week when it came to planning huge club events, come to think of it, but that's for another time), so Diana and I set up a table outside of the auditorium and told the other people who attended the conference about the show. The head of the Student Programming Council (Sarah something, I think. I'm glad I forgot) came up to us, picked up the flier we were handing out and said, "Where's Student Programming Council on this flier?" Turned out, the Student Programming Council decided to fund the performance in full, but they neglected to tell me about it. When I informed her that Liberal Arts gave us the rest of the money, she said it was all good and that the departments will just reimburse the Student Programming Council. So Student Programming Council wasn't funding the performance at all, and they basically robbed the poor Liberal Arts department for all they had. But they still wanted Gender Equality to give them props. *angry fist* Diana and I told GGOT all of this, and they were pissed. They almost bad-mouthed the Student Programming Council in the play, but I don't remember exactly why they changed their mind. They knew that the Student Programming Council didn't really want the show to go on, since Aphra and I e-mailed each other back and forth for a long time talking about it during the planning phase. But I don't think they knew that Student Programming Council was going to take all of Liberal Arts' money until after the performance. And the head of the Student Programming Council was pretending that she enjoyed GGOT during rehearsal. Something like that.

Anyway, the performance went on. A hundred people attended. With the help of our club advisor and some PR dude at Marist, an ad was released in the local paper (and this group of little old ladies we met after the show said they saw the ad in the paper and were so excited to come see the show. Aw!). A lot of Communications students were required to attend, as one of the Comm professors talks about GGOT in her classes. The performance was great, and I made an ass of myself on stage. It was a real fun time. The school paper wrote some nice things about the performance (I think I lost the article though). A few days later, I got a nice letter from GGOT:

Dear Emily, 

On behalf of Fanny Brice, Eva La Gallienne and myself, I would like to thank you again for all of the hard work you did getting Guerrilla Girls on Tour to Marist. You are indeed an incredible feminist and activist and your efforts on our behalf are recognized and appreciated. We enjoyed your audience and performing for your colleagues in the Gender Equality Club. 

Please keep in touch. You'd make a terrific member of the GGOT's so please let us know when you graduate!

Best,

Aphra Behn

Oops. I graduated in May 2006. And I haven't really kept in touch at all either. But that doesn't mean their performance hasn't really influenced me. I mean, what's the name of the blog? [A] Funny Feminist. And what am I? A funny feminist. Because feminists are funny. And who knows? Maybe in a couple years, I'll join GGOT as Amy Winehouse.

And if you're wondering, yes, Diana and I got to see Aphra, Fanny, and Eva without their masks. They were very nice not to kill us, weren't they?

Iraqi Journalist Does What We'd All Like to Do

An Iraqi journalist, Muntadar al-Zaidi, threw two shoes at President Bush during a press conference yesterday. How long before the right-wingers whine, "Where's Media Matters on this one? Whaaaa!!!!" Bush was about as bothered by it as I was, saying

That's what people do in a free society, draw attention to themselves.

And,

Bush: There have been no attacks since I have been president, since 9/11. One of the major theaters against al Qaeda turns out to have been Iraq. This is where al Qaeda said they were going to take their stand. This is where al Qaeda was hoping to take ...

Raddatz: But not until after the U.S. invaded.

Bush: Yeah, that’s right. So what? The point is that al Qaeda said they’re going to take a stand.

Take Action Monday

Take the hate out of the immigration debate.

Tell MoveOn.org what their top goal for 2009 should be.

Protect girls from Female Genital Cutting.

No pardons for war criminals.

Read Gay Marriage: Our Mutual Joy, and show your support for the article.

Ain't the Taint I'm Talking About

This might be proof that my mind is totally in the gutter. But I was listening to Ron Kuby today while I was driving around for work, and, of course, he was talking about the Blagojovich scandal. Kuby was playing a bunch of sound clips from recent news reports, and he plays an exchange between MSNBC's Norah O'Donnell and Chuck Todd. Needless to say, I laughed my ass off:

NORAH O'DONNELL: Can Obama avoid being tainted by all of this?
CHUCK TODD: It depends on your definition of taint.

If your definition of "taint" is "to sully or tarnish," then you might be on to something. But if you're talking about that special area between the sack and the crack . . . .

Take Action Monday: Holiday Edition

On Air America Radio, they often advertise something called Redefine Christmas. It's an organization, I guess, trying to get people to give and receive donations to their favorite charities instead of exchanging material gifts. But can't we help other people and give stuff to our friends and families? I mean, some of us still need things. So make sure to shop fair trade this holiday season, and ask your friends and family to do the same. I have a few links posted in the left margin, or you can search for fair trade shops online. You'll be giving something cool to your buds and helping people in America and other countries by helping them earn a living wage. That's double the good karma.

Fear Teh Gayz

The American Family Association, the organization for "people who are tired of cursing the darkness and who are ready to light a bonfire", is selling a video for the whole homophobic family called They're Coming to Your Town. It's all about the "dangers" of "homosexual-controlled" cities. Here's the trailer:



Oh, wait. That was the trailer for Milk. It's so hard to tell them apart. Here's the real trailer.

The Funny & The Fucked Up

The Funny:

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

Prop 8: The Musical shows the benefits of gay marriage. It stars some very funny people, like Margaret Cho, Jack Black, Andy Richter, John C. Reilly, and NPH.

Belledame222 at Fetch Me My Axe posted some funny would-be Men's Rights Activist blog titles.

The Fucked Up:

Amanda Palmer's record label won't promote her new single or video because she is "fat." Palmer, of Dresden Dolls fame, tried to leave her record label, but they won't let her. She gives the full story here.

Some dude from New Zealand blames women's lib and abortion for violence against women. This answers the age-old question "What do Orcs do when they're not guarding Mordor?" They whine to the public.

So Not Funny, The Daily Show!

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Black Friday Deaths

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

The other day on The Daily Show, Jon Stewart made light of the three deaths that occurred on Black Friday. And while Jon Stewart says that the three deaths occurred because "they" (that is, the three people who died) were trying to save money on holiday gifts, one death was of a Wal-Mart employee who was trampled by shoppers, and the other two died in a shooting outside of a Toys "R" Us that might not have had anything to do with shopping. Because I don't expect accuracy to be a priority on The Daily Show, I'm more pissed about how flippant Jon Stewart was. They might as well not have talked about it at all. Turning the deaths of three people into a joke? So not funny.

Take Action Monday

Ugh, I don't wanna go to work . . . .

Sign the Repower America petition.

Say no to new nuclear weapons.

Tell president-elect Obama to make healthcare a top economic priority.

Support Obama in his efforts to close Guantanamo. 

Tell Congress to reform our healthcare system now.

Someone Remind Me Where Foster Children Come From

So Florida ruled that banning gays and lesbians from adopting kids is unconstitutional. Yay! But reading some of what Florida's attorney general had to say about the ruling makes me wonder where some people think foster kids come from. I mean, you can't have a foster kid without having a kid first, and you can't have a kid without a woman and a man having sex. Right? With that said . . . .

"The attorney general's office had argued that gay men and lesbians are disproportionately more likely to suffer from mental illness or a substance abuse problem than straight people, rendering them less fit to parent -- especially children in foster care who already are under tremendous stress."

So straight people don't make foster children? Then where do foster kids come from? I think I might need to have "the talk" with my mother all over again.

Your Period: Sort of Like the Sinking of the Titanic, But Worse!

Check out this video from Tampax that dumps all over Mother Nature and the menstrual cycle. I'm not saying that periods are fun, but they are necessary, and I don't see any reason to tell women to hate them or be ashamed of them or equate them to natural disasters. That's just a little extreme, don't you think? I mean, I don't see anyone treat diarrhea this way, which is just as much a part of nature as one's periods and like a hundred times less predictable.

Take Action Monday

Here comes post number 100!

Support Barack Obama in his decision to close Guantanamo.

Protect America's farm workers.

Tell Barack Obama to mention fighting global poverty in his inaugural address. Tell him to make healthcare a priority too.

Encourage your Congresspeople to sign a letter to Barack Obama telling him to support a strong international affairs budget.

Help sexually assaulted women in the military find justice.

Tell your Senators to keep women in mind when trying to heal the financial crisis.

Support veterans with severe combat-related injuries.

Sign the Love and Equality petition.

Tell the UN Security Council to fully deploy peacekeepers in Darfur.

Keep the U.S. a save haven for refugees.

The Funny & The Fucked Up

The Funny

Sarah Haskins' latest video is all about cars. Those sexy, fuckable cars.

Fundamentally Flawed takes on the anti-gay bigots with sharp wit.

One of my Feministing Community blog posts made it to the main page. And it inspired like five flame wars.

The Fucked Up

A Catholic priest in South Carolina tells his parishioners not to receive communion if they voted for Obama. What has to happen before churches like this lose their tax exempt status? I'm sure Catholic churches paying taxes in a "pro-abortion" country is no more unholy than that same money going towards paying for kid-toucher insurance.



Mike Huckabee thinks LGBTs have to suffer more before they can get civil rights. Until then, being gay is totally bearable. And because Huckabee has such impeccable timing, he said all of that the day before International Transgender Day of Remembrance.

A Little Bit of Both

Focus on the Family is laying off 20% of its workforce. Think of it as a sign from God to get out of the gay-bashing business.

John Claude Van Damme attempted to hit on a Newsweek reporter with his . . . je ne sais quoi. Seriously, JC. Je ne sais quoi the Hell you are doing. "I really opened myself up in 'JCVD.' I peeled back the skin of the fruit, cut the pulp and then took that very hard seed. In this film I cut that hard seed, and inside that seed was a kind of liquid cream substance of the man I am, or the woman you are." Hard seed cream, ne sont pas des mots qui vont tres bien ensemble.

I Ask Myself an Important Question

How can this be one of the most reported stories in the 2008 election season . . .



yet people still believe this



???

Which is Which?

This is gonna sound crazy, but I just have come out with it. Sometimes, I can't tell the difference between right-wing radio hosts and al-Qaeda. I wouldn't admit it if I thought I was alone in this. But for those who still need some convincing, check out these two statements, and you'll see what I mean.

"[To Barack Obama] You were born to a Muslim father, but you chose to stand in the ranks of the enemies of the Muslims, and pray the prayer of the Jews, although you claim to be Christian, in order to climb the rungs of leadership in America."

"[I]magine being 10 years old in Jakarta, Indonesia, being raised as a Muslim, and your mother . . . hates you so much that she sends you to Honolulu to live with her mom and dad, so she can stay in Jakarta, Indonesia, and being raised -- being married to Barry Soetoro . . . And so [Barack Obama] was raised in that environment by a communist mother who hooks up with a guy named Barry Soetoro, who is a radical Muslim, and they quickly fly to Jakarta, Indonesia, which is where Barry Obama was raised as a little boy . . . . And that's all fine, he had nothing to do with it . . . . But it's who he is. He was raised as a Muslim at the two - at the two schools he attended. One was Christian -- raised as a Muslim -- the other one was secular. Why doesn't he admit the truth?"

Now, which statement was made by right-wing radio hate-monger Bill Cunningham, and which one was made by al-Qaeda second-in-command Ayman al-Zawahri? Click the names of these two dudes, and you'll find the answer. Or you could not do that and enjoy the mystery, you nutty daredevil you.

Preach It, Wanda!

I've always loved Wanda Sykes. And after watching this video of her publicly coming out, I sort of want to join the First Church of Sykes. You don't really have to believe in anything, except equality.

Take Action Monday

I drew a new header. I think it's better than the current one, if you can imagine that. I just have to color it and scan it in. Hurrah! Anywho . . . .

Tell G8 leaders to forgive the debts of impoverished countries.

Speak out against the redefinition of abortion to include . . . just about everything that keeps a sexually active woman from giving birth.

Tell the Department of Labor to protect farm workers from President Bush.

Pledge to fight for gay rights (here too).

Ask Secretary Rice to support peacekeeping efforts in the Democratic Republic of Congo.

Tell Barack Obama to make ending world hunger a priority.

Join the Radio Action Team

Learn the signs of child abuse.

Tell Governor Schwarzenegger to protect farm workers in government housing.

Urge President-elect Obama to make a commitment to human rights.

Help stop malaria.

The Funny & the Fucked Up

The Funny



Keith Olbermann went on The View on Monday. And, no, he's not standing.



Rachel Maddow compiles some of the funniest Bushisms.

And this has nothing to do with anything, but Joe Scarborough said "fuck you" on his show and didn't realize it for like 2 minutes. Hi-larious!

The Fucked Up



Former Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin thinks "living with their parents" is an insult. Excuse me, but some of us have to work to pay for our student loans and graduate school tuition, unlike some people *wink*.

A man in Tanzania attempted to sell his albino wife, because body parts from albinos are apparently great for potion-making. The article doesn't say if he tried to sell her to protect her from being killed or to profit from her albinism. Either way, that's fucked up.

A Little Bit of Both



Lindsay Lohan called Barack Obama our first "colored" president. And she said "colored" softly and quickly, like she knew it was wrong. Although, she said "fruition" that way too.

And Joe the Plumber, who has no right to practice plumbing, has a website! It's called Secure the American Dream, which apparently involves stiffing America out of taxes. And none of the links work. Joe the Web Designer he is not.

Because Colorado's Personhood Amendment Was So Successful

PUSA Promo (Web) from Endfallow on Vimeo

Even though Colorado's personhood amendment failed miserably, some really misguided people were inspired to start Personhood USA, an anti-choice organization that will try to do across the country what failed miserably in Colorado. Sorry for the redundancy, but I'm just so thrilled that the personhood amendment in Colorado failed so miserably. Anyway, Personhood USA wants to get states to recognize fertilized eggs as legal persons. Watch the video above and tell me what's missing . . . .

An introduction that looks like it was made in the 21st century? Yes, that is missing. The film-reelness of it all must really bring them back to a time when women with unwanted pregnancies paid a scumbag to punch them in the stomach. Ah, memories. I'm just disappointed there was no mushroom cloud or duck-and-cover lesson or anything. But even though the introduction was missing a little something, that's not the missing thing I was thinking about.

Proper vocabulary? Sure, that's missing too. I don't know what a pre-born baby is. Is that like pre-chewed food? Or a pre-cooked meal? Because when you put "pre" before a verb, it means that action has already taken place. "Pre-born baby" implies that the baby was already born, and you just have to take it out of the box and bake it at 350 for 45 minutes and ding! Speaking of babies in boxes, remember this? Anyway, correct vocabulary wasn't the missing factor I was thinking of either.

A valid point? Indeed, that is missing. Someone in the video quotes the Declaration of Independence. Many anti-choicers do this. They believe that because the Declaration of Independence has the phrase "right to life" in it, that the Declaration of Independence must apply to clumps of cells that live inside and off of women. News flash, people: Anything that needs to be inside a woman and feed off of her through a tube is not independent. That document only applies to those of us that are born. So although a valid point is missing, that's not the missing thing I was thinking of. No, what's missing is . . . .

A FERTILIZED EGG! If this organization's mission is to implement personhood amendments that define zygotes as people, then maybe this video should actually, you know, show a fertilized egg and tell us how much of a person it is. Maybe that video should go more like this:



"Yo. I'm obviously a human person just like you and the woman whose Fallopian tubes I'm traveling through right now. Give me more rights than she has, please!"

At least that would be a more accurate representation of what Personhood USA wants.

The Funny & the Fucked Up

While I was sick this week, I thought of a new weekly segment! It's called "The Funny & the Fucked Up." Basically, it's a funny story or video of a feminist nature and another story or video that's seriously fucked up. I wanted to start this on Friday, but I was too tired to post it. So let's just say I'll start this new segment officially on Friday and call this a sneak peak.

The Funny:



Stephen Colbert wishes his mommy a happy 88th birthday. Super cute!

And the Fucked Up:



Smear Channel darling Jim Quinn thinks slavery was like totally awesome for Black people. But he doesn't volunteer himself to be a slave. Odd.

Take Action Monday

I was sick all weekend, but taking action always makes me feel better.

Tell President Bush to include the female condom in PEPFAR funding.

Support paid sick days.

Remind president-elect Obama to reform healthcare in his first 100 days (children's healthcare, too!).

Ensure that suspected war criminals in Darfur are brought to justice.

Get a FREE "Yes We Did" sticker from Move On.

Tell Obama and Biden what your expectations are for their new administration.

Tell Me Who Won Again . . . .

Hey, John McCain. Who's going to be the next president of the United States?



Sounds better and better every time you say it.

Congratulations, Barack Obama, the next president of the United States! Yes we can did!

Winner of the Funniest Gaffe Poll

No surprise, Sarah Palin is the funniest gaffe of the presidential election. Here are the results:

Joe Biden tells Chuck Graham to stand up: 2 votes

John McCain agrees that Western Pennsylvania is racist: 6 votes

Barack Obama claims to have visited 57 states: 2 votes 

Sarah Palin. Simply Sarah Palin: 10 votes

So what does Governor Palin win for being the biggest gaffe of the presidential campaign? Nothin'. But you guys get Palin's greatest hits. Or should I say misses?

Sarah Palin does not know what the Vice President does

Sarah Palin can't name a newspaper

Sarah Palin scolds supporters

Sarah Palin can't name a Supreme Court decision besides Roe v. Wade that she disagrees with. How about Plessy v. Ferguson?

Sarah Palin doesn't know what a terrorist is

Sarah Palin talks to Quebecois shock jocks, but thinks they're French President Sarkozy

Sarah Palin thinks Afghanistan borders the United States, and misquotes Madeline Albright (it's a 2-fer!)

Sarah Palin thinks New Hampshire is in the Northwest

The Big Day is Here!

It's finally Election Day! It's obvious that I'm voting for Obama, since I'm a feminist. But voting for McCain certainly would be hi-larious. It's not important who you vote for. It's just important that you vote. And . . . .



you can vote however you like.

NO CANDY FOR YOU!!!

via Straight Talk on McCain

Says the Wicked Witch of Grosse Pointe Farms. Denying children candy on Halloween based on who they'd like to see win the presidential election takes a special kind of crazy, and this lady's got it! She asked trick or treaters who they support for president and who their parents are voting for, and she posted a sign saying "No handouts for Obama supporters, liars, tricksters, or kids of supporters." Cuckoo . . . cuckoo . . . cuckoo.

So since she didn't give those kids candy, wouldn't egging her house be justifiable? "Trick or Treat" is definitely a legally binding verbal agreement.

Take Action Monday

Election Day is tomorrow . . . .  eeeeee!

Find your polling place.

Know your voting rights. 

Vote for feminist candidates tomorrow.

Let DC decide its own gun laws.

Help strengthen FDA standards on cancer treatments.

Support the Breast Cancer Patient Protection Act.

No-Show Joe

Joe the Plumber avoids John McCain like he's income taxes.

Funniest Gaffe This Election Season: You Pick

The results of last week's [A] Funny Poll . . . .

Would you go gay for Rachel Maddow?

Yes: 9

No: 3

I don't have to: 7

Nineteen in total! The most ever! I know 19 isn't a whole lot, but I'm still happy.

I hope the total increases with the new poll question. This week's [A] Funny Poll question is:

"What was the funniest gaffe of the presidential campaign?" 

I've narrowed it down to 4 hilarious choices. To help you decide, here are the videos of those gaffes.


Joe Biden tells Missouri State Senator Chuck Graham to stand up, despite the fact that he's in a wheel chair. But it looks like he apologizes. Aw. I had this weird dream last night that Joe Biden and I donated blood together. Kind of random.



John McCain agrees that Western Pennsylvanians are racist and then tries to correct himself. And then he explodes.



Barack Obama claims to have visited 57 out of 59 states. Even if he meant to say forty, this would still be gaffe-alicious. You're leading in all the polls, Barack, but will you prevail in mine? We shall see!



And lastly, Sarah Palin. Not any particular gaffe. Just Sarah Palin. But here are a few just for good measure.

Sarah Palin doesn't know what the Vice President does.



Sarah Palin can't name a newspaper.



Sarah Palin thinks supporters are protestors and scolds them.



Leave your other favorites in comments!

Former Ms. Editor Can't Take a Joke

via Feministing

Former Ms. Editor Elaine Lafferty defends Sarah Palin's (abandoned) feminist cred. If that isn't funny enough, she also accuses NOW President Kim Gandy of saying that Governor Palin is not a woman. When did Gandy say anything like that? About a month ago on The Colbert Report.

Stephen Colbert: Are you saying that Sarah Palin is not a woman? Because if you're saying that, that would be a bombshell that would get me great ratings. Are you saying that Sarah Palin has got some junk downtown?
Kim Gandy: [sigh]
SC: Not willing to say it, but if you actually think Sarah Palin is a man, just say you believe women should have equal rights.
KG: I believe women should have equal rights.

Oh, Elaine. She must be one of those humorless feminists that gives us all a bad name.

Take Action Monday

The last couple of weeks of the election season is all about solicitation. So, naturally, most of the take action-y type stuff I got this week, like last week, were organizations hittin' me up for money. And since I only post links to ways to make a difference for free, this will be another short TAM.

Tell Mukasey to squash Bush's efforts to suppress votes in Ohio.

Pledge to learn the signs of child abuse.

Contribute to the Democracy Diaries. 

Urge John McCain to put middle-class workers first.

Evening Quickie: Skipping for Obama

My friend and I were walking around the Upper West Side this afternoon, and we walked past a few little girls skipping down the street saying "Go Obama! Go Obama!" Definitely the cutest thing I've seen in a long time. I wonder if they helped Obama win Nickelodeon's Kids Pick the President.

So Not Funny, Ashley Todd!

McCain campaign volunteer, Ashley Todd,  lied to police about being attacked by a big Black man for being a McCain supporter. Ironic, isn't it? Sarah Palin doesn't even support hate crime statutes, and one of her supporters thought a fake bias crime would improve Palin's chances of becoming VP. Anyway, Todd told the cops that this scary Black man (isn't it always a Black guy?) carved a "B" into her face and told her that she would become an Obama supporter. But this wasn't just any "B" carved into her face.

It's a backwards "B!" The kind of "B" that would result if a person cut it into their own face without thinking, "Hey. You think this'll pass the Michelle Malkin smell test? Or will it be more stinky tofu?" Yep. They've got some real brainiacks on the Straight Talk Express. Racist, racist brainiacks. Oh, did I mention this happened in totally not racist western PA?

Being a lying racist -- so not funny.

Cutest Children's Story Ever

via Straight Talk on McCain

Some geniuses made a nursery rhyme about John McCain's VP selection. The video might be slow to start, so be patient.

Here's a Funny/Creepy Way to Convince Your Pals to Vote for Obama

MoveOn.org sent me this video of a mock news story blaming ME for McCain winning the presidential election. As if! You can put in anybody's name and e-mail address, and they'll customize the video to that person's name. I changed the name to "Joe Shmo" so I can post it here without revealing my super secret identity (well, my last name). I pretty much laughed my ass off, after the shock of the subject heading "Emily, you're in this video" wore off.

More Funny Unmoderated Comments

It looks like the blog I used to contribute to is getting more traffic now than it did when people actually posted there. Every week there's another comment waiting to be moderated. This is happening so often that I just might have to create a label for it. I noticed two more unmoderated comments today, one that was posted yesterday and one that was posted a month ago that I just realized was there. There are a few things that make these comments funny. One, I haven't updated that blog since July, yet people are still commenting on posts there. Two, most of them are hilarious comments made by some really dumb "Anonymous" people. And three, I don't know to which posts these comments are referring. I can take a guess, but since Blogger doesn't tell me where the comment was made, I'm not too sure what these "Anonymous" commenters are talking about. And not knowing what they're talking about adds to the randomness of it all. So here are the two new comments.

Because it works. I went to bootcamp & solitary confinement and I straightened my ass up.

Thanks for sharing?

Actually, I think they were throwing a punch at homosexuals.

Indeed . . . .

Not to Sway the Votes on My New Poll or Anything . . . .

via Feministing

But Rachel Maddow laid the feminist smackdown on a couple of McCain hunchbacks on her show last night. Oh, conservative dudes. When will you learn that you know nothing about us Vagina-Americans?

Results for last weeks [A] Funny Poll

I'm such a feminist that . . . .

my armpit hair goes down to my elbows: 1 vote

even my cats own cats: 8 votes

Yay! Three more people voted than last week and the week before! Dare I dream for double digits?

UPDATE 10/22: I plugged the new poll on Feministing, and it has 12 votes so far! My dreams have come true! Thank you, Feministing readers!

Take Action Monday

I didn't get many petitions this week, so it'll be a short TAM.

Demand that Country Natural Beef stop their anti-union campaign. E-mail them at Answers@countrynaturalbeef.com, since they're blocking messages sent through United Farm Workers. Real classy!

Tell your family and friends in California to vote NO on Proposition 8, the gay marriage ban.

Urge the presidential candidates to support equal access to breast cancer screenings for all women.

Tell Sarah Palin to stop lying.

Say Wha, Palin People?

via Straight Talk on McCain

I thought it would be John McCain who would need a hearing aid, but it's Sarah Palin who needs one. Or maybe just a Q-Tip.

At one of her rallies, a few supporters in the back were yelling for her to speak louder. I guess because she expects people all around the country to hate her so much that they'd take time out of their busy schedules to heckle her at her rallies, she thinks those nice people who just want to hear her speak are actually protesters. Oh, but she gives them a goood talking to.

I would hope at least that those protesters have the courage and the honor of thanking our veterans for giving them the right to protest.

Yeah, yeah. And I hope at least that John McCain would have the courage and the honor of thanking those veterans by giving them benefits, but you can't have everything, Governor Palin.

John McCain is PROUD of His Supporters? So Not Funny!

Sen. John McCain told the country on Wednesday night's debate that he is proud of his supporters, right after Sen. Barack Obama talked about the McCain/Palin supporters that yelled things like "bomb Obama" and "kill him" at their rallies. So who else is McCain proud of?



McCain is proud of these people. McCain is proud of the woman who said, "I'm afraid if he wins, the Black will take over. He's not a Christian! This is a Christian nation! What is our country gonna end up like?" McCain is proud of the man who said, "When you got a Negro running for president, you need a first stringer. He's definitely a second stringer." McCain is proud of the man who said, "He's related to a known terrorist, for one." McCain is proud of the woman who said, "Just the whole Muslim thing and everything. I mean, everybody's talking about -- you know, a lot of people forgot about 9/11, but I don't know. It's just kind of a little unnerving." McCain is proud of the woman who said, "Obama and his wife, I'm concerned that they could be anti-White, that he might hide that." McCain is proud of the woman who said, "I don't the fact that he thinks us White people are trash, because we're not." Who else is McCain proud of?



McCain is proud of the people who created this image juxtaposing Osama bin Laden with Barack Obama. McCain is proud of people who want to torture Obama. McCain is proud of the Sacramento Republican Party. Who else is McCain proud of?



McCain is proud of the Chaffey Community Republican Woman Federated, who used this racist image for one of their newsletters.

Senator McCain, are you kidding me? You really are proud of these racist, xenophobic liars? So not funny!

It's Love Your Body Day!

Happy Love Your Body Day, everybody! 

Today is the day to grab your love handles and say, "Bite me, impossible beauty standards perpetuated by the media, fashion industry, and society at large!"

Today is the day to hug your thighs no matter what their size! Yes, I purposely made that rhyme.

Today is the day to rub your tummy for good luck.

Today is the day to be proud of being a member of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee (I'm not just a card-carrying member. I'm their president).

Today is the day to rub your booty in the faces of anyone who has ever made a degrading comment about you because of your body shape or size.

Today is the day to strut your stuff like you're a runway model, without the problem eating.

And today is the day that you realize that you should love your body every day because we're all beautiful. Corny, yes, but it's also true.

There's a Campaign of Hate

File this under "so not funny." The racism and all-around hatred in McCain supporters is frightening, and McCain and Palin are doing nothing about it. In fact, they've started it in their campaign of fear-mongering, lies, and hatred. Watch the video, and sign this petition to stop the campaign of hate.

Take Action Monday

Tell Barack Obama and John McCain to support hate crimes legislation for LGBT people.

Speak out against the unlawful indefinite imprisonment of detainees at Guantanamo Bay.

Tell the networks that you deserve and honest representation of military analysis.

Urge Bob Schieffer to get a straight answer out of McCain regarding his birth control policies.

Help end childhood obesity.

Tell PBS that you don't think Sarah Palin is qualified to be VP.

Sign the Fair Pay Pledge (I figure posting the link here is like sending it 5 friends).

Encourage women who are working to get themselves out of poverty.

A Funny Poll Results

Here are the results to my second A Funny Poll.

What's the difference between Sarah Palin and a pitbull?

Lipstick: 1 vote

Pitbulls are allowed outside: 5 votes

Exactly six votes again?! *sigh* And I wonder if the person who chose "Lipstick" is the same person who said Tina Fey as Sarah Palin is funnier than Sarah Palin herself last week.

And Yet More Unmoderated Comments by Dummies

I have to admit, I was hoping to find another unmoderated comment to post about when I logged in to Blogger just now. And my dreams came true! For some reason, people are only posting comments in posts from a long time ago, and they're always posting under "Anonymous." This comment was in regards to a post I wrote about a "crime scene" themed photo shoot on America's Next Top Model. The photos were obviously going for a dead chic thing, which glamorizes violent crimes against women. Some people seem to think that's not disturbing at all.

photoshoots aren't always meant to be sexy or appealing. some of them are meant to cause shock or awe, or even make a statement about politics or human nature itself. i can't believe that you all would make such a big deal about a little blood and guts, when there was obviously no harm intended in it. i liked the shoot, personally, i think if photography causes controversy, then it has done it's job.

Convincing, right? "Photo shoots aren't always meant to be sexy and sometimes try to make a political statement, but I'm not going to tell you that these photos weren't meant to be sexy and what that political statement really is, because I know deep down that what I just said doesn't apply to this case." It's funny when people try to rationalize their own sexist opinions.

Goodbye, Katie the Old Lady

I just came back from putting my cat Katie to sleep. She was 17 years old and lived a very fulfilling life of eating, sleeping, and pooping in sand. So now that I don't have a cat, am I still a feminist? I guess I could be, as long as I change my dog's name to Gloria Steinem. 

Important Question, Steve Moore

This just happened like 5 minutes ago on Real Time with Bill Maher. Steve Moore of The Wall Street Journal asked this important question:

Why don't feminists support Sarah Palin?

Important question, Steve Moore! Bill Maher, would you like to answer?

Because she doesn't know anything.

Perfect.

Sarah Palin. Has. PORES!!!!

FOX News is having kittens over the latest cover of Newsweek, which features a close-up photo of Governor Sarah Palin. Of course, this story is delivered by one of the FOX News beauty queens who wouldn't have a job on that network if they looked like, maybe, Rachael Maddow (I love you for your mind, Rachael!) And to live up to their "fair and balanced" slogan, they had two women of different political persuasions on the show (or at least different opinions on this very stupid issue). Here's what the conservative one said:

It highlights every imperfection that every human being has. We're talking unwanted facial hair, pores, wrinkles. This is a gross slap in the face to Sarah Palin after Newsweek has done so many favorable covers of Barack Obama . . . .

Indeed, every woman has pores, wrinkles, and facial hair. What's your point? That having these things is bad, of course. "What if someone judges her poorly because she has wrinkles??? Hate her for her policies all you want, but don't look at her pores, for the love of God!!! Her face is all she has going for her in this election!!!" But I'm not surprised, since conservatives have always used beauty standards to lionize conservative women and belittle liberal women. Here are just a few examples.



As you can see, this picture features powerful liberal women who have actually accomplished something, and conservative women who are simply hideous on the inside.



In a pretend apology for calling NOW the National Organization of Ugly Women, Mark Levin calls the organization the "National Organization of Women Who Look Like Men; or National Organization of Mustachioed Women; or National Organization of Really Ugly Women." You'd think a guy with such high standards of beauty would have hair plugs and use Just For Men.

Glenn Beck equates conservative politics to beauty as well, and for some reason promises liberal women eternal Western standards of beauty in Heaven. Now that's literal interpretation of the Bible!

[I]f you're an ugly woman, you're probably a progressive as well. Oh, jeez. I'm sorry. Today's just not your day. But you know what? If you believed in God, you'd know that there's going to be another chance for you. You don't have to be ugly in heaven. You're going to be your perfect self, and there will be another perfect somebody waiting for you on the other side.

It's apparent that conservatives believe that enlightened, empowered, liberated progressive women care way more about their looks than they actually do. They think that if women like Hillary Clinton and Kim Gandy and Jessica Valenti and me are called physically unattractive enough, we'd simply crawl into our sock drawers and die. Not so much, wing-nuts.

And my favorite part of that FOX video has to be this:

This is a clear slap in the face. And why? Because of this title -- "She's One of the Folks (and That's the Problem)." Newsweek would not be in business if the folks wouldn't subscribe to this magazine. So to insult the folks of America and call that a problem. I think Newsweek just showed it's an elitist, liberal magazine.

Newsweek thinks I'm too much of a regular person to be Vice President?! *crawls into sock drawer and dies*

That One's a Keeper

In response to Senator John McCain referring to Senator Barack Obama as "that one" in last night's debate, xerotopia Aritfact Store at Cafe Press is selling shirts and other merchandise with the slogan "I'm Voting for 'That One.'" Funny stuff!

Important Question, John Oliver!

In a more gutsy than funny move the other night, John Oliver of The Daily Show asked this important question:

Governor Palin brought up Joe Biden's quote about us raping the ocean floors this evening. Does Governor Palin support the ocean paying for its own rape kits?

Probably.

The Feminist Version of "Everybody Poops"

Sarah Haskins does a much better job poking fun at the sexy fiber ads than I ever could.

More Comments from Blogs Gone By

Over two years ago, the creator of the blog Feminists to the Rescue wrote about Rabbi Shmuley Boteach telling women not to breastfeed, lest they turn off their husbands. And for some reason, people are still submitting comments not only to this blog, but to this particular post from two years ago. An anonymous commenter (aren't they all?) is waiting for this to be moderated:

Rabbi Shumley is a Jew, and Jews gave use the Feminist Revolution. Of course he doesn't have a clue what he's on about.

I wonder if this is the same Anonymous that said this a couple weeks ago. And I wonder if they're reading every post on that blog and commenting with anti-feminist and anti-Semitist drivel. Either way, I hope they have fun reading all 375 posts.

Take Action Monday

It took my brother and I 3 hours to watch the first presidential debate, because we kept pausing the TV to discuss the candidates' responses. It only took us 2 hours and 15 minutes to watch the vice presidential debate. I'm hoping tomorrow's debate will be more exciting (and ask my question, Browkaw!).

Support the Extractive Industries Transparency Disclosure Act, which will help keep money from natural resource industries from funding corrupt leaders (think China's oil ties with Sudan).

Ask Obama and McCain how they will reach across party lines to end the financial and healthcare crises.

Vote in the Members Project. The winner gets $1.5 million to fund their humanitarian efforts.

Tell American Idol to treat their worker's fairly.

Tell Howard Weizmann that there's a difference between Hollywood movies and reality.

End the filibustering! 

And, finally, vote in my poll over there <----- and up a little.

Not Exactly What Albright Said (Or Meant)

via dignityblows at the Feministing Community

At a rally in California on October 4, Governor Sarah Palin misquotes former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright.

I'm readin' on my Starbucks mocha cup, okay? The quote of the day? You'll never believe what the quote was. It was Madeleine Albright, former Secretary of State [boos from crowd] and UN ambassador? And Madeleine has as her quote of the day for Starbucks -- Now, she said it! I didn't. She said, "There's a place in Hell reserved for women who don't support other women." [shrug]

Lattes, eh? Don't you know you're supposed to be drinking coffee like the rest of us regular ol' country folk, Palin? There's no show hosted by a former Republican Congressman called "Morning $6 Vente Mocha Latte," Governor. It's called Morning Joe.

But more to the point, that's not what Albright said. She said "There's a place in Hell reserved for women who don't help other women." I'd help Governor Palin. I mean, if she and I were in the same public restroom and she didn't have a quarter to buy a tampon, I'd totally give her a quarter or a tampon. Probably the tampon, because I wouldn't want the quarter going to supporting her campaign. See? There's a difference between supporting and helping. And I wouldn't help Palin out simply because she was a woman or because I feared that I'd be going to Hell. I'd just expect her to help me out one day when I needed it, because women help each other out. One day, I could be like, "Hey, Governor Palin. I gave you a tampon. Now let me into Alaska so the rapture beast doesn't eat me." That's the gist of Albright's quote, not "vote for the lady or you'll burn in Hell. Mua-hahaha!"

I'm expecting this to be just the first in a whole slew of Albright misquotes made by Palin, though. Here are some gaffes that I'm really looking forward to:

"To understand John McCain's policies, you have to be a genius -- or French."

"We will not be intimidated or pushed off the world stage by people who do not like what we stand for, and that is homophobia, sexism, anti-Semitism, big oil, preemptive war, and moose burgers."

"I've never been to Iraq before. But one of my role models, Xena, the warrior princess, comes from there."

"I was in a helicopter when I fell in love with the idea of shooting endangered wolves from this height. And I continue to have that love affair."

"Russia is like, down the street from my house, so what happens there matters a great deal here."

"What a blast it is to be here with -- this Pakistani president dude who keeps touchin' me. Will ya quit it already?!"


(original quotes)

Results for My First Ever Poll

I started using the poll feature last week to test it out, and I've decided to keep it and change the question weekly. Here were the results for last week's poll:

Who is funnier?

Tina Fey as Sarah Palin: 1 vote

Sarah Palin as herself: 5 votes

Only six votes? Does "Vote or die" mean nothing to you?

And I've decided to call it [A] Funny Poll. Just because.

Who Says Famous People Aren't Republican?

This morning on FOX & Friends, Kevin Farely promoted his new spoof film An American Carol. One of the hosts made this proclamation:

We've seen actor after actor, director after director, come out and support Barack Obama and support the left. 

Quoi?! No famous person has voiced their support for McCain/Palin? Then how do you explain this? 

A famous person said that. You can insert any famous person's name in there, and technically, you wouldn't be lying, right? I mean, as long as they're famous, your ass is covered. So while the liberals have certain famous people (e.g., Oprah Winfrey, Scarlett Johansson, Fall Out Boy, The Black Eyed Peas, Alec Baldwin, Robert de Niro, Matt Damon, Halle Berry, John Legend, Pearl Jam, and George Clooney), conservatives have any famous person (and Kevin Farley). Nice job.

Because Sock Monkeys are Funny

Maggie's Functional Organics have these adorable sock monkeys up for pre-order on their site. They're made from slightly irregular socks and post-industrial polyester. They're organic, fair trade, and freakin' cute. Each one is made special by someone who works in a worker-owned co-op in North Carolina. Isn't that special? So go get one! And hooray for free advertising!

Post-Debate "Analysis"

Who won the debate last night? Well, Senator Joe Biden gave us a lot of good information about how craptastic things have been going these past 8 years under W. Bush and how an Obama/Biden administration would fix it. But the bar was set quite low for Governor Sarah Palin, and she stubbed her toe on that bar and tripped right over it. Her tape recorder of talking points didn't malfunction, and she lip-synced those talking points beautifully. Seriously, Ashlee Simpson and Britney Spears can probably learn a lot from Governor Palin. But this was the highlight of the evening, without a doubt:

If you're looking for real analysis, read the newspaper. 

Kristen Schaal Does a Pretty Good Palin Too

It's funny that Tina Fey and Kristen Schaal can be so funny by just repeating what Governor Palin has said.

Debate Tonight!

Not to pull a John McCain, but I think Biden's already got this.

Submit Your Questions for the October 7 Presidential Debate

MySpace has a page set up for regular people like you and me to submit questions to Sen. Barack Obama and Sen. John McCain for the next presidential debate. And the great part of this is:

• You can submit as many questions as you want.
• EVERY question will be submitted to moderator Tom Brokaw for consideration.
• You don't have to be a MySpace member to participate.
  

But you only have until October 2 to submit your questions, so act fast!

I've submitted one question already, and I just might send another couple. Here's one question I would like John McCain to answer:

Senator McCain, in 1999, you told the San Fransisco Chronicle that Roe v. Wade should not be overturned because it would force women to undergo "dangerous" illegal abortions. What has happened in the past 9 years that this is no longer a concern?

Take Action Monday

I donated most of my clothes to the Lupus Foundation of America, and now the new clothes that I ordered online are showing up on my front porch. New clothes makes me feel a tad bit better about the fact that the Mets' playoff dreams were smashed thanks to their craptastic pitching -- for the second season in a row. But anyway . . . .

Change the presidential debates to focus on real issues, like healthcare.

Demand quality and affordable healthcare for all.

Tell Sarah Palin that she is not your candidate.

Help take care of kids affected by hurricanes.

Support equal pay.

Register to vote.

Tell the Surgeon General to encourage kids to play outside.